13 Month old baby activing aggresively

[RebeccaandOllie]

My 13 1/2 month old son has recently started acting very aggresively around other children. I took him this morning to playgroup and he was snatching toys from other children, screaming (not crying - but a very angry shout) when children came near him and even pushed a younger child over. I dont know how to react? I tried teaching him to act gently with other children but I am not sure if this worked and I dont want to shout at him incase he thinks anger is acceptable? Any advice would be very much appreciated as this is really getting me and my husband down. This evening I noticed he is getting three molars at the same time - could this be affecting his behaviour? Is this just a phase or is this part of his personality?

I really wouldn't call it agression - at 13 months he's just trying to sort out his place in the world. (And the molars have definately got something to do with it)

My DS was just like yours - he used to bash other children over the head and take toys from them. We just persevered and by 2 and a half he was so much better. Now at four he's a dream.

DD is 18 months and is much more gentle but will still pull hair and scratch if other children upset her.

When he behaves like that, just pick him up, say 'no' firmly and move him away.

It will pass

My DD is a little older and displays this behaviour a little now. They have not yet learnt the concept of sharing, just understanding that they can own things, and fear others taking them away.

Saying that, my DD is currently unwell and is more prone to pushing/snatching get upset/angry when someone, in particular her cousin 3 months younger takes something she is either playing with, or she wants, than when she is well. So, maybe a comfort thing? Frustration perhaps at pain and also having to cope with a swine nicking a toy?! I think teething can effect behaviour much more than I thought at first. DDs molars were extremely painful, and she suffered a lot with them, more angry, more upset, more clingy. As soon as they were through, her behaviour settled lots.

We have started to introduce the concept of sharing to DD. I do find it funny although I should not when DD goes up to her cousin, snatches a toy and goes 'Shlare' to him!!! If she does not get her own way she gets very very upset, saying 'shlare, shalre' and crying!!!

I doubt if it is a significant element of his personality. I think it is a learning point, developing independence, understanding of the world, objects, their role in the world around others, coupled with other things such as teeth pain.

Hope that helps, from my perspective at least.

Thanks so much for your post - really appreciate it!!! Makes me feel a whole lot better as the last thing you want is an aggresive, bullying child!!! Was so upset today when I left the playgroup I just burst into tears and then I thought maybe getting emotional may make things worse!!! I really do hope its down to his teething and just a phase - fingers crossed!!!

As adults, if we are feeling moody, unwell or a bit miserable due to a cold, or just a bad day, we can say 'go away' or I am feeling miserable, can be a bit grumpy in words, and also have learnt self control to not be physical with it.

Young children are feeling new emotions, such as pain, anger, annoyance, and cant yet express it with words, or know how to control themselves. If they are feeling under the weather due to teething pain for example, they probably have less tolerance to others, like adults do, but cant just take themselves away, or say 'leave me alone', or just be a bit snappy it comes out physically, and is perfectly normal from what I can tell.

I agree with abi, molars do make them mega grumpy. He's very young still and I don't think it sounds like real aggresion, more protesting and I doubt for a minute it's his 'personality' more just a phase. If my DD does something like that I'd say, no we don't do such and such and try distraction. If that doesn't work i'd probably remove her from the situation to stop her doing it again. She is 18 months though so older and has a much better understanding than she did at 13 months. HTH

this is a normal phase, as someone else said. when my dd had her phase ( although she hit me as opposed to others more) i moved her away, or put her down if i was holding her, this phase lasted about a month at the longest she doesnt do it now.
i think you are right, it is not a good idea to shout at him, as you say it shows them a way of how to behave. also he doesnt understand fully what he is doing, its not pre-meditated at this age. i very much doubt if it is part of his personality and his teeth probably arent helping this either

lol wow i type so, just had x posts with Rebcca Pavlov and gingerninja

Also, not that this helps, I now see people going through what you are and it's SO easy to say 'oh it's just a phase / he's fine' but I remember feeling so upset by DS's behaviour. I worried that everyone would think that I was a bad mother or that DS was really naughty. You will look back on this and realise he isn't that bad - it just might take a while. (Brace yourself for a year)

With your DP, just keep reminding yourselves of all the positives - try not to keep on about the negatives.

Yes you are right Abigail you really think that everyone is looking at you and thinking what a terrible mother you are and how horrid your child is. It doesnt help that all the people in that group are also first time parents with young children so none of them have really seen it before, which makes you feel ten times worse!!! .He actually really hurt the ten month old and that made me feel so bad. He doesnt really understand me when I say no - more often than not he will just laugh. Its is also really wierd that he was standing in the room just shouting (really angry shout). Anyway feel better thanks to all your posts.

By the way you dont think that my husband and myself arguing could affect his behaviour do you?

Oh God he's a BABY - not an aggressive bully. Maybe he's SCARED when the other children come near him. Only go to these groups if you enjoy them - they're really not necessary for healthy child development. At this age a calm, predictable routine will really help him feel happier.

All parents disagree. Do try not to do it in front of him. He won't know what's going on but he will sense tension and maybe even danger.

Please don't worry - he's a very normal little boy.

If he does something you don't want him to do, pick him up, move him away from the situation, say something like 'No - gentle hands', stroke his hands against your face. Very calm voice.