21 month old boy hitting and throwing

[FromWalesAndBackAgain]

My son is driving me insane, I love him and generally he is a great well developed boy. The terrible two tantrums are starting to rear their ugly head but generally they are manageable and I can distract him from a tantrum by diverting his attention.

He used to throw his toys around 12-15 months but seemed to grow out of that. Now he is throwing and hitting everything - me, his dad, the poor patient dog, other kids - I’m at my wits end! He throws in a tantrum or because he is bored but it can come out of nowhere - e.g. he will ask to colour so I set up his paper and pens on his table and sit with him drawing, he will be having a lovely time then all of a sudden switch and just shout and throw his pens across the room. He will be enjoying his food then when he is finished just chuck the bowl with the remaining food across the room. I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried saying a firm no and taking the item away - nothing seems to make a difference. The hitting he has picked up in nursery (our key worker told us as much) he will do this both when he is annoyed or when he is trying to play, for example if I move him away from an item he can’t have (say a breakable glass) he will storm up to me and try to hit me. But mostly he hits when you are playing with his e.g. just run up to me smiling and laughing and hit me on the head with both his hands, or whack me around the head with his mater bottle. I’ve tried ignoring, ending play and moving away from him, showing him I’m upset when he has hurt me (this has been going on about two months so I have tried each way consistently, not a scattergun method of different approaches) can I do anything? Do I just need to let him grow out of this stage? I’m like a beaten wife flinching/trying to protect myself every time he makes a movement near me 🙈

Maybe it's time for child psychologist or to ask in kindergarten do they offer specialized work or care.

My exact situation so following to hopefully see replies 🤞🏼

I feel you @c307 ❤️

Hey, my son (22 months) is EXACTLY the same. The more I say no or redirect he finds it funny and does it even more.
how verbal is your son, is it a frustration thing ?
I think my son’s understanding could be better. Although maybe he’s stubborn with his understanding as he understands completely when I ask if he wants a biscuit or to have a bath 😂

@Torinunn2022 oh my gosh your son does sound the same - some times he completely ignores me but funnily enough never misses “cake” or “snack” 😂🙈 He also loves his bath and runs out to the stairs and holds out his hand for me to help him up the stairs as soon as you say bath.

I think it could be a communication thing, he says loads of single words and tries to say sentences but it will just be a load of babbling followed by a single word. I did speak to nursery about it, they said it’s really normal for kids at this age, especially boys - apparently he does not hit in nursery but does push and throw things (not throwing at people though) - he has just moved up the class in nursery so he has gone from being the biggest and oldest to the youngest (though is prob about the size of a 3yo 😂🙈) and nursery said it may help him being pushed back etc - but who knows! Nursery stop him and say “kind hands” so trying to be consistent with that - but they did say kids at this age don’t really understand consequence etc, so don’t get time outs or you leaving, they don’t have the brain development to put the two things together - but soon will. So it’s just giving as little reaction as possible to hitting so he ends up finding it boring, and mirroring the right behaviour so he copies it. - but unfortunately it doesn’t change over night

Sorry I completely forgot to reply!
This is weird, do we have the same Child literally everything you have said is exactly the same! so my boy also has a lot of single words but not joining them together yet. A lot of his speech which sounds like sentences is gibberish, and he just looks at me like I know what he’s saying, but obviously I don’t 😅 bless him. He often gets very frustrated and upset with me I think because there’s that communication barrier! Nice to know your nursery told you it’s fairly normal, not that my nursery has said otherwise they haven’t said anything or that they have any concerns. My boy is actually moving up a room soon as well and they have been giving him settling in sessions for half a day there.
My boy is also absolutely massive for his age and people often think he’s a lot older, so people often think he should be doing more.

in terms of negative behaviour, my son has gone through quite intense throwing and now currently the hitting. he only hits me not anyone else and doesn’t do it at nursery. He used to throw a lot of items he shouldn’t at nursery and exactly the same, they said to mirror the correct behaviour and to be fair he did eventually get it!

I just hope his speech comes on a bit more soon and that will help too

Hi all
i don’t have any advice but want to add that my DD 22 months is going through this phase of throwing everything. She can be happily playing with playdough etc and then suddenly get frustrated and throw the lot at me! Likewise she now throws her food and drink when she’s finished eating. On Monday we were at a music group. One minute she was sitting happily playing a couple of wooden instruments then she got up and threw them across the room nearly hitting another child. I’m at a loss how to stop this as the more I get stern with her the funnier she finds it and throws more. Her behaviour until now has been fine and I don’t have concerns with her speaking or understanding. Her peers don’t seem to do this so I’m a bit concerned!

I guess it can be pretty common given we’re all experiencing similar ? My boy did a similar thing at a stay and play… playing nicely rolling out some play dough then suddenly launched the rolling pin across the room 😭 that would have really hurt another child if hit. He also throws his food and cup when finished.
I’m just trying to ignore it and redirect I suppose and hopefully this will pass soon

If he's saying single words this can be really normal at 21 months but I think I'd look at the Communication Section of the 20 month Ages & Stages.

Don't worry if he doesn't get yes for all of the answers but if he doesn't, I would fill in the rest of the form and and the 24 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages and ask your HV to score them. You can score them yourself and scoring grey in a couple of areas is completely normal but if it's more than that, he may need some support.