11month old baby doesnt seem to have bonded with me

[Lemonmiracle]

Hi, I know from looking at similar threads I will get some harsh responses but please be gentle. I am struggling with this alot.

DC is 11m and is such a confusing baby at the moment. We co sleep, play together, laugh and giggle, go out and do things and I always always always respond to her needs. I will not let her cry and generally do all the childcare as DH works long shifts in a demanding NHS job and gets home after bedtime and sometimes leaves before she's up. I would assume this would mean we're well bonded but I just dont feel it. She has stranger anxiety and always have but then sometimes when we're out with family (who she is comfortable with) she seeks comfort from them. E.g. she is quite afraid of my great aunt and we went over to visit and she screamed at her but wanted comfort from my brother, her uncle? Another time she wanted my MIL in a similar situation and also my sister and mum at a wedding. It gets to me so much because I do everything I can for her and just feel like she hasn't bonded with me enough to want me. She never comes crawling over or jumps with joy when I pick her up from grandma's but will cry for daddy when she hears his key in the door. I don't know. I feel jealous of mums who have babies who want to cuddle them I'm strange situations. Any advice welcome :(

Also , my friends babies get possessive and jealous over their mummy's if they hold my DD, mine doesn't seem bothered if I hold theirs!

Oh OP I do feel for you, from what it sounds like she knows she is safe and always has you around so doesn’t need to cry for you - I think you should take exceptional joy in that, that you have given her the security she needs and you are there for her so much. She will have definitely bonded with you, you are her mum - unfortunately babies are funny little things and don’t always show their emotions in the way we would like and easily recognise, but you are doing a fabulous job in what must be difficult circumstances with your partners working hours ❤️ My son didn’t have separation anxiety that much until 19 months and then good god has it kicked in, he hangs from my trousers and screams out for mummy 2 seconds after I leave a room, it was nice to feel wanted for about two days and now I’m very ready for this development stage to be over 😂 But we all feel the stage we are in is the worst and just know, this too shall pass, and you will look back on this and think “I can’t believe I worried about us bonding” - I know not always the most helpful advise when you are in the thick of it, but know you are doing all the right things and you are her mummy, nothing tops that ❤️

I've read that at that age, babies don't even really think of their mother as a separate person. You are an extension of her.

So she just just expects you to be there, and you are.

Other people are a fun novelty.

I used to feel this way too, now she's a 4 year old who literally bowls me over when she runs in the door after school saying she missed me etc.

It will come. She loves you OP

@FromWalesAndBackAgain
I can't wait to find it annoying! Thank you so much. I've been so down about it because it can be exhausting doing absolutely everything. DH feels guilty but can't be helped, and I guess it just got to me. You've made me feel much better kind stranger x

@HolyMoly24 thank you for your reassuring words. Your DD sounds lovely, can't wait to experience the same hopefully ❤️