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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Nervous about DS starting playschool

8 replies

catzy · 17/03/2008 20:45

My DS 2.7 is starting play school after Easter and I took him in today to meet the staff and get used to a session.

He stayed attached to me for most of the session. Other than playing with a few toys he didn't get involved at all and he wouldn't even speak to the staff (really unlike him) Even the singing and dancing part he wouldn't join in and he loved this at toddler group. He just cuddled me and wouldn't go down, even when I joined in he just threw himself on the floor and cried.

Staff say he will be fine when I am not around which I know is usually true as was with my older DS at that age but I really hoped that he would start to bond with some of the staff today so that when I do leave him he's got someone he can trust to turn to.

So worried I'm going to have to leave him screaming and traumatise him.

Any advise?

OP posts:

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Weegle · 17/03/2008 20:49

Do you have to leave him completely to start with? I don't have much experience but the pre-school we are sending DS to said that they allow the parent/guardian to stay as long as necessary until the child is happy to be left. They suggested with v shy/worried children that could only be whilst you "nip to the car" to start, building to 10 minutes etc.

Orinoco · 17/03/2008 20:50

Message withdrawn

joyfulspike · 17/03/2008 20:53

When ds went from nursery to preschool we had the same. He was totally fine at nursery, ran off when we got there and never really noticed when I left. Preschool had him clinging to my leg for dear life sobbing! Less than 3 mins after the door had closed behind me, he was fine - little so and so. It took a while, but he's fine now and I'm back to being invisible again. he was 20m when starting preschool.

I woudln't stay - it just makes things worse for both of you. If it helps once you've left, call them when you get to work or, what I did was wait 5mins and peek through a window to reassure myself.

Elf · 17/03/2008 21:38

Is he starting playschool for his sake or for yours? You could leave it until he is a bit older and more feels more secure about a new place.

Did YOU like this playschool? If you aren't sure then your DS will pick up on that. Some people say the child is fine after five minutes, but hey why risk it? Why leave him crying when you could either do it gradually, building up his confidence at the new place, or just wait till he's older.

JingleyJen · 17/03/2008 21:42

We have found at our local playgroup that they have our mobile numbers and if they haven't settle 10 minutes after you have left they call. I know that they really do it because they have parent helpers in each of the sessions which made me reassured that they do actually do what they say. DS1 was unsettled for the first week for about 5 minutes each time I left but I never got any calls and he was delighted to see me.

The other thing was that I didn't stay away for the full time in that first week, I started at half an hour and increased it by 15 minutes each day.. He had a lovely time and by the time we moved onto pre-school in september he was really sad to leave.

Good luck take it at your pace, they will have seen all this before and I am sure will be very understanding of both of your feelings.

twofishes · 17/03/2008 21:46

Decided today to leave my DD joining preschool until she is 3yrs which will make it September Term start..she could in theory start now but she is very shy and is just starting to gain confidence at CM's so don't want her going back in this..in contrast DS1 was straight in no bother ASAp ..all kids are different , delay it a bit longer if it works better for both of you..Good Luck

Original poster

catzy · 17/03/2008 21:58

Thanks for the advise.

I know most of them are ok after 5 mins but I've just got a bad feeling about it this time. I was nervous with my first DS but I knew deep down he'd be fine.

I know the playschool as same one DS had and he loved it. I started him at the same age and he was fine. I can delay it until September if I need to but not sure it will make that much difference to the settling in. Kinda wish I hadn't taken him in today as I've got the Easter break to worry about it now.

The staff there are brilliant and I know one of them so I know he'll be looked after. Just worried about doing the wrong thing.

I will take him in and leave him for a while then go back and check on him. If he's not settled then i'll stay. It's just when I'm around he if very clingy so I'm torn between leaving to let him get used to it and staying which means he'll be clingy and not involved, just wish I could get the inbetween.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 17/03/2008 22:02

Just thought I'd add that I delayed till ds was 3 as well, as I felt he wasn't ready before then, so he started in the Sept.

I did find a big difference in how ready he was, a few months isn't much to adults but a child of this age does ALOT of changing and developing in that time.

I think your idea of giving it a go, then staying with him if he's unsettled when you go back, is a good one

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