Recently had 2nd baby and toddler driving me crazy! Please help!!

[HoneyBunnii]

Hello everyone, i need help asap as i feel like i am going to tear my hair out!

I have a 2.5 year old who was pretty chilled etc. and although many months ago he was going through a stage where he would cry if he saw any other toddler or baby cry, he overcame this once he started going to daycare and eventually other kids crying didnt affect him.

3 weeks ago, i had a baby girl and as soon as she opens her mouth to even grunt while stretching it sets my toddler off! And then if she fusses alittle more he screams at the top of his lungs and throws a massive tantrum!

At one point i tried to explain to him while he was having his little tantrum and he began kicking me and i had to just leave him and take the baby in the other room and cry because i am exhausted.. i thought he would get used to her after a few days or atleast a couple of weeks but we are almost on week 4 now and the drama doesnt stop as soon as she makes a sound..

I feel like im losing my mind, the weather has me depressed already, my hormones are all over the place as i have recently gave birth, im trying my best not to fall into postpartum depression but this kid has made my life a living hell ever since i had this baby!

Having a newborn baby to care for seems like a breeze compared to putting up with my toddler.. please can someone give me hope and tell me it really will pass?? Has this happened to anyone else?! Or am i just unfortunate?? Please some words or stories to give me hope because i am literally drowning in anxiety and low mood right now!

Sounds like he's struggling with the shift in family dynamics. Some first borns struggle initially when they have to share attention with their shiny new first sibling.

I would assert in explaining the behaviour is bad, and not tolerate, but also ignore it where you can. If he'll resort to other measures if tantrums don't get him the attention he desires. But give attention and positive reinforcement for good behaviour and communicative skills.

@Outliers thanks, yes i am trying to just ignore him right now but at times when baby is colicky and wont stop crying then he starts throwing toys around and kicking the cot etc.
His dad has tried cuddling him when he throws these tantrums so that he can get the attention like the baby does when it cries because i have heard sometimes toddlers tend to regress to a baby behaviour themselves once a sibling arrives so we try to "baby" him as well but it hasnt worked so far :(

@HoneyBunnii I think babying will only feed the regression. Its not a pleasant experience but I think it's important to firm that the behaviour is not appropriate. And only provide the comfort and positive reinforce when he's behaving. So he can slowly distinguish the better way to engage with you.

It'll die down once he settles into new dynamic and becomes accustomed to new sibling.

I went through something very similar. My DS2 was born when DS1 was 2.5. It was literally hell on earth. DS1 would demand that I "put that baby on the floor!". He felt very much like he had been ousted, responded by behaving atrociously and making our life as difficult as possible.

One thing that helped me was DS1 going on fun outings with grandparents / DH (although I still ended up on my own with them the majority of the time). Kids get 30 free hours a week of nursery where I live too, when they turn three, so I was like I just need to survive until he's 3.

By degrees DS1 did get more accepting. Once DS2 became more portable, we were able to go to places and have fun. We enjoyed trips to the library, park, soft play, play dates. I used to call DS2 "angel baby" because he was just a little squidgy blob while DS1 was the cantankerous toddler (obviously never within DS1's earshot).

Now DS2 is nearly 2.5 and the roles have reversed. DS1 is a really quite reasonable 5 year old who is easy to be around. DS2 is the one trying to run into a pond when we're on a walk, shoving his big brother, or taking things out of the bin and throwing them on the floor when I'm trying to make dinner.

But basically I feel your pain, having a toddler and a baby was nightmarish for me. It will gradually get better - but it isn't supposed to be a one person job and please reach out to as many sources of support as you can. The bad behaviours will gradually pass. Hang on in there!