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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Getting rid of a dummy, practical advice needed please

46 replies

TeaDr1nker · 17/03/2008 14:02

DD is 15 weeks old and wakes in the night for her dummy, once she gets it she goes back to sleep. I know she is dependant on it and it is really starting to have a knock on effect as i have sleep dept!!

Please can someone give me a step by step guide as to how to ween her off it, or at least tell me how i can get her to get herself back to sleep. I am tired of having to get up ion the night two or three times to put the dummy back in.

I have bought a book on sleep but although i know what the problem is i didn't get a solution.

Help please.

Thank you.

OP posts:

stanleysmother · 18/03/2008 12:04

Agree with PPH. DS1 had dummy till day after first birthday - took 3 nights to get him off it and I felt dreadful, but by the time DS2 was born 6 months later, number 1 could no longer recall what to do with a dummy! DS2 had his for 14 weeks I think, then I did the same thing and I think it took 3 sleeps. Much easier second time around as you don't feel so rotten because you know it works, plus you are so tired you really can't be getting up every 10 minutes to replace the dummy. I think the sooner the better. Don't let the controlled crying thing freak you out, they are not in pain, they don't hate you, they are just learning to soothe themselves to sleep and it takes a couple of days, but once it's done it's brilliant. Good luck

janx · 18/03/2008 12:29

We went cold turkey - took two nights and then dd found her thumb (which never gets lost in the bed!) Good luck

runragged76 · 18/03/2008 13:11

My DD has just given up her dummy to the Easter Bunny in exchange of the promise of a Smarties Easter Egg! Can't believe how well its worked. We did wean her off for a few weeks by only letting her have it at nap time and in bed (for which she had a strap thing so she didn't lose it).

willali · 18/03/2008 13:55

Agree totaly with cold turkey method when your child is so young - you wouldn't expect to get a full night's sleep at this stage anyway so better to get rid of the dummy now. We did not, went through 5 YEARS of addiction and only got rid of it when I "forgot" to take dummies on holiday and span a yarn that they don't sell dummies in Majorca!! THEN we had to deal with the accompanying muslin (a fairy came to get it)...GET RID OF IT NOW!!!!!!

mrsshackleton · 18/03/2008 14:33

you are asking too much for your baby to sleep through - my dd1 did at this age but it took dd2 months more , they're all so different. But I'd still take the dummy away, I took dd2's away at 16 weeks and even though there were a couple of days of misery she clearly didn't miss it after that and I'm so glad now I don't have to bother with the faff (she's 10 months) and am not worrying about how eventually to wean her off it

marymalone · 18/03/2008 18:01

don't really know which "side" to come from but just wanted to sympathise with you! i weaned my ds off dummy at 18 months but he only ever had it for sleeping at night, never in the day time, and it was remarkably easy to do, no problem. he only took a dummy from around 10 months as it seemed to help with teething pain. we solved the getting up in the night to find it problem by attaching it to the ear of a toy with one of those clips so he learned to find it for himself.
(at 16 weeks he used his thumb but then stopped of his own accord after a few months)

i think at 16 weeks she is very young and needs the comfort of something to suck, but maybe not a dummy.....try a muslin or something??i'd recommend reading the baby whisperer (tracey hogg) as she speaks lots of sense (or i always thought so!)
hth

Floppytulip · 18/03/2008 19:52

I went cold turkey with success that I had never even dreamed of at about 15 weeks. I know of course things that work with one baby don't with another, but this is what I did if it helps at all...

I started not giving dummy for daytime naps and let her sleep in her buggy. I would rock the buggy and say shhh if she was crying for help, but if she was just grizzling I would leave her, and I would only rock until she was calm and then I would stop and step back. After a couple of days she barely needed any rocking and starting making a 'go to sleep' rather weird growling noise to settle herself.

Then I ceremoniously cut the tips off the dummies to avoid temptation, and when settling her at night I...

Tried to stop feeding her before she fell asleep, then put her in her cot awake, then if needed I would pat her chest, rub her back and say shhh. If this didn't calm her after a few minutes I would pick her up calm her then put her back. Settling took about 20 minutes for the first couple of nights, then 5 then no help from me was needed at all.

Prior to this she had been waking up to 20 times a night, and within a few weeks she was down to one waking and then none.... so I'm touching wood it continues but in summary- drop the dummy!

Good luck!

Original poster

TeaDr1nker · 18/03/2008 20:28

Thank you all for your advice.

Lack of sleep is turning me into a monster! Now i know why use sleep deprivation as a form of torture. I have to confess i resent DD at times. All i want is some sleep.

DP suggested giving her another feed at night but she is on formula and the box recommends 5 feeds in 24 hours, which she has, should i give her another one. I think that if i give her a second feed in the night she won't be hungry in the day.

DD weighs 14lb and a couple of oz, feeds at 7, 11, 3, 6.30 and then the night feed usually between 12 and 2 am.

I do settler her in her cot when she is awake, and shhh her to sleep witht eh dummy in. She nods off in about 10 minutes. Tonight i put a muslin with a knot in it next to her. During the day she chews her fists and occasionally finds her thumb or finger to suck. When she naps in the day i am trying not to give her her dummy, funnily enough her first nap of the day she doesn't use a dummy, just settles herself.

Is it to much to ask that at 15 weeks she should be able to sleep through from that middle of the night feed untill morning.

The thing that gets me, is that she will sleep from 7ish untill that middle of the night feed, may wake up once for her dummy then off to sleep she goes. So i know she can do a siz hour stretch without food.

OP posts:

soopermum1 · 19/03/2008 09:30

no advice for summies and babies, i got DS off his aged 3 when santa came and took them all to give to the poor babies. DS still tells the story now. at that age was no problem at all.

Original poster

TeaDr1nker · 19/03/2008 09:55

OK, so things are getting really silly now. DD woke up every two hours last night! I resorted to giving her water, she seemed to like it, took a couple of sucks on the bottle then off to sleep she went.

I am beginning to think that if she wakes in the night i should just leave her now. What else can i do? HV was useless, just said ' oh, she is still so little, maybe she just wants a cuddle' I cuddle and play with her all day. We have a sound bedtime routine as well, and as i said goes off without a problem.

OP posts:

potatofactory · 19/03/2008 10:05

I am SO in the same place as you - every couple of hours last night, then up at five for no reason I can think of -

Got to get rid - I'm going to go cold turkey soon, when I can brace myself for the few days which will inevitably ensue. Poor DD doesn't know what's coming.. she's teething too. Maybe I should wait? But aren't they ALWAYS teething once they start?

Would be so nice to remove the dummy from all our lives though - that horrible realisation that you've left the house without one...

Maveta · 19/03/2008 18:26

i'm coming at this from completely the other side. Ds had a dummy and then interchanged that with sucking his thumb. When he was about 4 months old he just lost interest in both and hasn't had one since, or sucked his thumb. He is now almost 11 months old and still wakes once or twice a night so we are going to be night weaning soon.

I've actually just gone and bought a dummy to see if it helps soothe him when he wakes in the middle of the night instead of feeding. I'm a bit worried now reading of all these people saying they had a nightmare getting them off them, but is it really a big deal if they only use them at night?? My sisters still sucked their thumbs at night well into their teen years (and my little sister still sucks hers when relaxing at home at 24!!!).

Jolinda · 20/03/2008 13:34

We decided that when DS was starting nursery the dummy was out of our control so we had to get him off it before he started at 8 months.

Cold turkey is the best way and better still if you can do it before they can actually ask you for the dummy. It also helps if there are other triggers which indicate it is sleep time, a darkened room a particular song or routine as then you are only removing one of the triggers.

First pick a week when you know that the crying is not going to have a major impact i.e. you or husband haven't got major things on at work. Pick a date and stick to it. We selected a week we knew that sleep deprivation would have least impact and on the date just didn't give the dummy for sleep. We went swimming and did lots of energetic things first day so Baby bear exhausted at bed time. The first day he cried for 30 mins but by day three he just slept with no problem.

It was easier than expected because I knew I had to stick to my guns and I was expecting the crying to never stop but it did.

tori32 · 20/03/2008 13:54

teaDr1nker I don't think yabu to expect to be able to train a baby to sleep through at 15wks. I trained my dd from 6wks and by 12 wks she slept 7-7. Only woke in the night since then through illness/teething, but rare.
We took dd's dummy away at about 6wks, however, she found her thumb at about this time She is now 2.2y and sucks her thumb when she is tired. I find this better because a) it naturally drops out of her mouth when she is asleep b) if she wants it back in then she can put it back in because it doesn't get lost

pooka · 20/03/2008 21:22

I am afraid that I agree with your health visitor. I think that at 15 weeks old your baby is still so young. All babies are different, dd didn't sleep through until she was about 9 or 10 months. DS nearer 5 months. I treated neither different to the other.
The sleep deprivation you're suffering may not be the result of the dummy so much as your baby's age. It might be worthwhile putting a post in the sleep topic to get advice though, particularly about giving extra feed in the night. My instinct says yes, but then certainly with ds I co-slept and still fed at night if he woke, and I really don't know much about whether it's a bad thing to give more formula than on the tin.
Good luck though - the number of times I kicked myself for not having banked sleep before I had dd! It is torture.
Is there any chance you can nap in the day when your baby naps? Or could your dp do a night at the weekend, just to give you a chance to catch up on sleep.

pucca · 20/03/2008 21:26

Well, after a trip to the dentist with dd today, i have pre warned her that her dummy shall be going tomorrow...she is 4! and very very attached, she doesn't have it in the day, just at night but her teeth are now pretty terrible she has a semi circle gap between her teeth when she puts her teeth together, and i always thought, leave her with it, etc etc but i thought once she got her big teeth through she would have dropped the dummy herself and it wouldn't affect how the big teeth grow in...i now know different.

pooka · 20/03/2008 21:47

I was advised by my dentist that was best to get rid by age 5, and certainly before the adult teeth came in. He said that orthodontic teat dummies were, in his opinion, better than thumb sucking.

SpecialOffer · 21/03/2008 09:47

My son went through a really bad sleep phase at this age, it will pass!

I have always hated the dummy and never wanted him to have one, however he did and I worried all the time about him getting dependant. I took it off him at 8 months, after he started to use a comforter and it was really easy, he hardly complained. Until your dd is more settled in her sleep it might be best to keep it. Introduce a comforter now, and when you see that she is using it you will be more confident to remove the dummy.

My son also fed every three hours during the day drinking way more than on the tin. he fed at 7, 10, 1, 4, 7 and then a feed at 10:30. As he started to take less in the bottle I reduced it to four feeds 7, 11, 2:30, 6:30 and then his 10:30 feed which he didn't drop until 6 months.

TheHedgeWitch · 21/03/2008 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lecohen · 01/04/2008 10:45

To the original poster...I hope things get easier for you, your baby will fall into a routine soon enough.

My dd is 18 month and now only has the dummy at night time or if she is particularly whiney but I want to stop it now. I am going to try the cold turkey method, thanks for that :-)

TeeBee · 09/04/2008 16:13

I visited my sister over a xmas holiday and left the dummy with her. DS was so happy to be in his own bed that he forgot about dummy not being there. Only asked for it once.

It is hard though when you know that the dummy will get them back to sleep quicker than anything. I struggled most with my partner giving it to him because it was easier. Having xmas as the cut-off helped DH understand that was the end of the dummy days.

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