Son's behaviour. Signs of ADHD?

[starlight0]

My son's behaviour is really starting to overwhelm me. My partner thinks ds is just 'naughty' but i disagree i think he's got ADHD. He gets upset really easily, for example, if we're playing a game and he loses, he will be upset for a long time about it. Throws himself on the floor, says he's no good at anything and will cry really loudly. It's the same with swimming lessons, if he doesn't get a certificate when others do, he has a 2 hour melt down about it. He hums all the time, even when eating. He is constantly moving, when watching tv he's doing rolling around on the floor. He can't keep still. At school he has an elastic band on the legs of his chair and a fidget toy to try help him with concentration. When he's happy, he's very happy, when he's sad, he's very sad. Every emotion he feels is magnified by 1000. He doesn't sleep well, waking every night multiple times. Im
Literally at the end of my tether. I reassure him and try to help him through his meltdowns but nothings works. Anyone have a child with similar behaviour traits?

Hello, I have a 9 year old with ADHD (and a 5 year old with suspected ADHD) emotional regulation was and is one of the biggest challenges with both of the boys. My eldest of 3 sons, doesn't struggle like the other two with this. Often people don't realise it can be a big part of ADHD. My 9 year old also has slept terribly since the day he was born, up multiple times. He also struggles with focusing on tasks he doesn't like, like school work. Hums too! I think you have highlighted a number of ADHD traits /challenges children have. So I think you are right to look into it further, then you can know for sure. You didn't say how old your child was, as they tend not to diagnose before 7 unless there are significant reasons for doing so. Feel free to DM me if you like (I don't have all the answers but I do understand some of the challenges you mentioned)

Request for an assessment, OP. How old is he? Talk to his school and get their support to request for an assessment.

ADHD or anything else, that is the ONLY way to do something about it. If really there's something, only guessing work and some parental supports wouldn't do enough.

He's 7. I rang and spoke to our doctor yesterday and requested for him to be referred. But was told theres a very long waiting list, but at least ive got the ball rolling. The school have noticed he's very fidgety and have put some things in place to try and help him like putting an elastic band on the front legs of his chair to 'play with' when he's feeling fidgety and also he has a fidget toy to help. @Intel4mum does your son also fixate on certain foods and binge eat? When we go shopping, if my son knows I've bought things he likes, like cheese strings, apples, biscuits (his favourite foods) he will keep asking for them often eating it all in one sitting. Even though he's just had lunch/dinner, he will still want these foods and will become extremely upset when i say no.

OP, well done for having taken action to get the ball rolling.

For children, it very often requires broader, multidisciplinary professional input, as some conditions could be intertwined.

Binge eating could be part of ADHD symptoms, but not everyone has it and could indicate other issues too. That's why best to seek for a formal multidisciplinary assessment.

Emotional regulation is a big problem for ADHD, but the intensity and demonstration vary between individuals. However, it's always in my belief that for the benefit of my child, I needed to manage their expectations on "yes" and "no" answers. Actually, the more they give a tantrum wanting something, the more reluctant I would want to give in. It sets the precedent and their expectations and would only escalate in future as they would know they can get their way by making a big fuss... Have you tried to set an agreement before you purchase those things he'd enjoy? Usually it's easier to agree upfront than trying to restrict afterwards.

Forgot to mention, ADHD nearly always runs in the family. Do you find anyone on both sides of the families might fit into the profile of ADHD?

@Return2thebasic we do have the conversation when we buy things that they are to share and not just ds and he will agree but then as soon as were home he just wants what he wants. I do find myself giving in because his behaviour is becoming to really overwhelm me. I have two other children, and my ds takes so much time away from them with his demands and behaviour. He scares my one year old with his outbursts because he gets so loud and throws things that i just give in, but i do know im not helping him because he's learning he'll eventually get what he wants anyway. I could just cry, he's getting harder by the day (or maybe the Christmas break is making it seem that way). My dp's parents said dp was exactly the same when he was a child but he's never being diagnosed.

Sorry to hear it's been so difficult...

ADHD, like ASD, is a spectrum. So each individual tends to demonstrate different traits and behaviours. Their intensity can vary greatly from one person to another. DS1 used to have extreme tantrums, but never in a dangerous or threatening way. I guess that's how we were able to hold the ground most of the time. But I can understand when outburst from that age reach certain level, it CAN be not only unsafe also too distressing to your mental health - I have another 4 years old now who always made me want to hide away whenever he had his episode of meltdown... So I do get what you feel.

It's the right thing to get on the waiting list first. But it doesn't help before then how you could really cope, especially there are younger siblings involved. Not sure if it's feasible with your financial situation, but there's always the choice for private assessment (very pricey though) and also some alternative therapies to try (absolutely no guarantee, as some swears by whilst some others claims no effect).

Does he have sensory (noises, textures, light) issue? ADHD children often has that which doesn't help them remain calm either... There are also the supplements theories. But I remain cautious with certain supplements as they can be harmful if overdosed when there's no deficiency and there's no recognition by the mainstream psychiatrists.

@starlight0 I think what you describe about favourite foods is very common. ADHD children will generally follow the route of instant gratification. So wanting all the snacks at once. Also they like to have control over the things they can (as their brain, body and life is so out of control). Plus obsessive behaviour or narrow interests or likes are common too. My son has all of these. I tend not to worry too much about what could be a phase of eating or a specific time. I tend to look at eating a balanced diet over a week. I guess you need to think overall is he eating too much of this food across a week or is it ok. So only you will be able to tell if it is frequent enough and a long enough phase to worry about. Many kids are funny with food and many tend to get better as they get to end of primary school. If it was me, I would just buy slightly less of the things he likes at the super market, so even if he does binge he doesn't binge too much. But I do also compromise and /or negotiate and pick my battles (as there are so many). So I might try and make my son eat a vegetable before he got the snack of choice or do 5 -10 mins reading (which he doesn't like doing but would do for his favourite snack!). But my son works very well with gamifying or incentives of his specialist interest (not usually snacks for him but sweets/pokemon/ gaming/ipad). Some children with demand avoidance element in their ADHD (PDA or ODD) get worse if you are very prescriptive but get a bit better if the pressure is taken off. So, if our son is overwhelmed then he will have worse obsessive behaviour than if he is calm and many parenting techniques won't work. Christmas break is really hard for kids. We struggle with all holidays more than term time as there is less routine and less structure so makes our child more stressed. Someone mentioned above if you try and work out how to make his life a bit calmer then you may find he is a little better. Unfortunately you need to trial things with your child, watch (mentally collect the data) and see if it makes a difference. Though overall I think lots of 'fun' exercise is one to try, if you don't already.

I forgot to say @starlight0 . It is just tough. So feel for you. But you are trying to understand underlying issues and help your child rather than see their behaviour as just plain naughty. So even though you probably don't think you are doing a good job, it sounds like you are really trying.