My ds is nearly 6. He's soon going to be observed by the school senco and an occupational therapist as his pencil grip is very poor despite constant reminders of how to hold properly, and his fine motor skills as a whole are not hugely progressed so he is struggling with some basic things e.g. dressing himself, zips, putting his shoes on etc. His personal hygiene isn't great either - washing his hands etc. I've shown him how to wash his hands basically every day for years and he just can't do it himself.
I've also noticed recently that whenever we are doing something different - for example having visitors round, or if we go out for a meal for e.g., my son's behaviour descends into chaotic, attention seeking cheekiness. I've spoken to him about his lots of times but nothing ever changes - it's always the same. It's as if his nerves and / or excitement make him behave badly, and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to prepare him for what we're going to do and what expectations might be - e.g. 'we're going out for a meal and we need to sit down and be calm whilst we wait for our food and eat, and we can draw and do stickers whilst we wait for our food to arrive' but it doesn't make a difference. It's like he's taken over completely by this other version of himself.
Does anyone have any similar experience and any hints or tricks with how I might support my son to feel more comfortable in these situations and less likely to play up? It seems to be getting worse not better with time and familiarity.