Pathological demand avoidance PDA

[TiredMumma247]

Pathological demand avoidance!

Ive suspected my 5 year old son has either pathological demand avoidance or Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) for some time now. Spoke to his year R (reception) teacher today who is absolutely wonderful with him and so understanding. She brought up PDA and as much as I’ve suspected it I’m also devastated by the idea he’s different.

I know it’s ok to be different but it’s tapping into my insecurities around being different and others perceptions of that. I had horrendous postnatal depression after I had him so the potential there’s something going on for him has spun me for a loop.

I’ll do whatever it takes to support him and parent in a way that suits his needs but I can’t help but feel like a failure in some way and this is my fault for having postnatal depression and high levels of anxiety during pregnancy.

If there’s anyone who has experience with PDA or ODD I’d love to hear from you.

You absolutely have not caused this @TiredMumma247. As far as I understand, it's part of an ASD diagnosis and therefore genetic.

Has he been referred first ASD assessment or received a diagnosis?

Hi! I’m a special needs teaching assistant and I had a student last year with PDA. With him in particular we ensured boundaries are set very early on! And we used ‘opposite day’ with him. For example we wanted his shoes on, he didn’t. Instead of saying time to put your shoes on we would say student a has theirs on they can go out side. Student b does too! Oh no student x doesn’t have his on. I can put your shoes on! With him this worked. Of course all kids are different and his PDA is extremely hard in particular. But always open to give advice where I can!

Like I’ve said to his parents you can do this! Just be his safety net and his voice when it’s not being heard! Always follow your gut! Adjusting will be hard but it is not your fault! I would also say constantly communicate with school so you’re both doing the same thing or if he’s like my student the opposite to school. Haha. Also talk to parents. Join FB groups so you can talk to other parents in the same position.
Some children can’t stand in when they was born to stand out!