is one year old too young for 'discipline'?

[PhDiva]

When do you start 'disciplining' a child? Is one year old too early? In other words, if your baby doesn't want to eat his food, or doesn't want to be rocked to sleep, or doesn't want to drink during the day, do you insist, or at this stage do you just give in to whatever they want? I have been told by relatives that my baby (13 months) 'gets away with murder' and is spoilt and needs 'discipline'. But how do you get a baby to co-operate? I just don't know if this is too early. But then if he learns now that he can get what he wants by screaming, then 18 months and 2 years isn't going to get any better, is it?

It depends what you think is the misbehaviour. If a one year old doesn't want his food, he's probably not hungry. If he doesn't want to be rocked to sleep, he's probably not tired. Doesn't want to drink - probably not thirsty. If on the other hand your one year old is pulling your hair, or trying to play with something dangerous, or slapping you, etc, then you can teach them a firm NO, put them down and ignore them for a couple of minutes. Also distraction works really well to get them to stop doing whatever it is that is undesirable.

What do you give to your baby when he is screaming? If he is crying because he is hungry / tired / bored / needing comfort it is entirely appropriate to satisfy that need.

Too young IMO. 13 month olds dont get a way with murder. They dont know they are being naughty. Please dont listen to your relatives. At this age it is all about testing boundaries. I tend to try to distract or just move them away from the problem. Personally I am very hands on. If something needs doing then I just do it and dont really give them time to have a tantrum about it. If something is not that important though then I wont force it. Personally think that it lets them feel that they have some choices so when you do insist they generally co-operate because they know this has to happen. I always think back to how trapped I used to feel as a child when my parents made me do things with no reference to how I was feeling and have tried to learn from that when dealing with my own kids and tried to let them make choices for themselves to a certain extent from a young age. Your child is not 'spoilt'. It is not possible at this age.

well, I just found my 14 month old ransacking the fridge again (he's a grape thief)and no amount of discipline is going to stop him.

I must move him from the fridge 20 times a day but he still does it.

I now think he's using his inititve...he's hungry so is getting himself something to eat

Your relatives are talking out of their arses IMO.

your baby is behaving absolutely as he/she should be

Your relatives are behaving appallingly

Have you thought of some way you could discipline THEM?

I agree with aviatrix that discipline is about teaching. A 13 month old can begin to understand the concept of 'no' and repetition enforces that (even though it can be a maddening process until they 'get' it)/, but there's absolutely no way that punishment is going to achieve anything at that age. Equally, I do think that 13 months is old enough to start teaching some behaviour: for example, if you say no to something, don't then give in to the tantrum, and if they are yelling for a drink, try to calm them down before giving it so they learn more positive ways of communicating (eg pointing to beaker).

Thanks for the advice - I didn't think you could (or would want to) discipline such a young child. But I don't agree that the child always knows best ('if doesn't want to be rocked to sleep, not tired', etc...). When he is exhausted he doesn't want to go to sleep, and he doesn't like drinking water or milk during the day, and only wants pear juice, but that is too much sugar for a little boy. Of course you can't force him to drink milk, but what do you do with a strong-willed little guy?

But you know what it's like when you live with people ... when you mention the internet in your defence ('Well, I read on the internet that....' or 'but other mothers on the internet say that...'), they all rubbish it, saying that you can't trust the internet. Oh, but I can trust the advice of someone who has never had a child, or had one 40 years ago? Hmmmm.

if my 13 mo dd wont eat, drink or sleep I leave that decission to her however she does know what NO means. If she is doing something she knows is wrong she will shake her head whilst doing it. I do say no to her if she pulls hair, takes toys from other children or is doing something dangerous, however even though she does not fully understand I always explain to her why she cant do what it is she is wanting to

I would only give a child water at this age anyway. If he is tired the best thing to do is relax him- this is interesting as the way they like to relax changes with each stage.
Maybe he doesn't like being rocked to sleep anymore-maybe read a book or just sit quietly together (you holding him).
I think a lot of older people have quite different ideas about how to bring uo a baby. Y ou are better off smiling and nodding and then doing what you want anyway.
How do you define discipline btw

I second honoriaglossop.. if they are all het up about a 'spoiled' 13 month old it says everything about them as adults and nothing about your son. Who is exploring his universe and feelings IMO.
I just tell people my instinct is telling me how to mother..they can't argue with that..cos they have not got my instinct.
It never fails to amaze me how many people I know seem to think they know my DS better than me

I generally use the agree to disagree line.

Also i know what you mean about the child always right thing but imo the only way to get my DS to eat, sleep, drink etc when he doesn't want to is be compassionate and help him by providing him with tasty food, milk and helping him chill out when he is overtired coupled with helping him to not get overtired in the first place if i try and discipline him to sleep eat or drink he just gets in a state and we both get more stressed.