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“You’re making me sad/ angry!!”

4 replies

Bumblebee413 · 26/11/2023 07:40

Hello,

I have a newly turned three year old and I need help with the above phrase please! If I stop her from doing something she wants to do, ask her not to do something or turn down a request from her, her response is a “You’re making me sad/ angry”. I know it’s great that she’s identifying how she feels but I can’t tell you how much it’s starting to grate on me now after months of this. Do I just need to suck it up and ‘accept blame’ for making choices to protect her safety and well-being? I don’t want her placing her emotional responses on other people.
It’s been months and I would love a good, kind response!

I have tried ignoring it, but she repeats louder and louder. Thing is, I can’t let her do whatever she wants for safety reasons and do try to limit saying no to important things. I’ve tried a range of different responses but haven’t managed to find a winner yet. If I need to carry on just dealing with it, fine.

Just thought I’d reach out in case anyone has handled this and has a winning solution. I understand it’s pretty trivial, but when you’re being told you’re making someone sad/ angry/ upset for the umpteenth time when you’ve spent the whole day trying to look after them , I can’t tell you how shitty/ resentful it makes you feel.

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 26/11/2023 20:23

I'd be interested in hearing some responses to this one too. Seems like she's hit on something that she knows has thrown you. They're good at that at 3 aren't they? Grin

Bumblebee413 · 26/11/2023 20:58

So good! 😂

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Beautifullie · 26/11/2023 21:33

What about calmly “okaying the feeling”? So you respond “It’s ok to feel angry and it’s my job to keep you safe so I’m going to XYZ” or “It’s ok to feel sad/upset, everyone feels sad sometimes, would you like a cuddle?”.
Apologies if you’ve already tried something like this! But if not, how do you think she would respond to this?
I think the key is staying calm/matter of fact and not showing your frustration, if they can sense that then they know they’re onto something and will keep doing it 🙈

Bumblebee413 · 27/11/2023 07:12

Thank you for the lovely post @Beautifullie! If I’m honest, that has been my favourite response and the one I’ve used the most. I’m wondering if she’s just in the habit of saying it now. Maybe I just wait and hope that it evolves/ eventually she starts saying something else 😕

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