Extremely misbehaved 3 year old. Please read, need advice/reassurance

[rose9826]

Has anyone got/had an extremely naughty 3 year old (almost 4) toddler and turns out they have been diagnosed with something?

When I say naughty I mean does not listen at all, literally every little thing is a fight most of the time, constantly testing everyone around them, Snatching from other children, not sharing, just literally constantly pushing buttons. Winding up his older sisters to no end for no reason, taking toys, pushing them etc. He's lovely to his baby brother though but I think he knows he'll get seriously told off if he upset him.

Won't listen when out and about, runs off sometimes instead of staying close by, lays down in shops having tantrums, screams at the top of their lungs etc.
My friends have said its not normal behaviour, their kids are also 3 and not as bad (seen it myself).

Nursery put him on the waiting list for occupational therapy at the beginning of the year just incase he needs it, and want me to come in to have a meeting and a catch up on how he's been and they think there's been a bit of regression since his little brother was born etc. I'm really stressed about what they are gonna say and can see myself breaking down in tears at the meeting.

They don't think he's autistic, but they think there is a few sensory issues and I personally think maybe ADHD. I definitely think he has a behavioural issue.

On the other hand he can be incredibly sweet and funny, it just doesn't last long.
To note he is a great sleeper, always has been and eats okay too.

I guess I'm just asking does anyone have an unbelievably naughty 3 year old too? I feel like I'm alone, and when I say naughty people don't realise that I mean it's pretty much constant and every little thing.

Any experiences or advice?

Everything you have written above - I am going through the same! Love him so much and just want him to be happy but it can all be such a battle. Everything has to be on his terms and the simplest task can be so hard. Pre school is really difficult, the teacher clearly finds him very hard to manage and I’m extremely stressed with that situation. He hates going to school and just wants to stay at home. He finds the transitions of drop off and changing activity very hard so I also wonder about ADHD but I’m not sure I see any other indications. Feeling very lost just now x

I think get on the pathway for an assessment. It will do no harm and hopefully it won't be needed when it comes around. A lot of children have sensory issues and need a lot of movement and ' heavy work' to regulate. If you could get an OT to give some advice or follow an OT on social media you could pick up some exercises to do at home. 3 is very young and they could grow out of the behavior but best to be prepared if possible- for school.

@rose9826 I'm sorry that you didn't get any responses at the time. How are you both now?

@Axw1 have you spoken to the Preschool Manager to see what they think? How old is he? Is he just 3 or nearly 4?

@CadyEastman He was 4 in January. He is a very confident chatty little boy, but doesn’t like to be told what to do. He’s stubborn and very strong willed - he doesn’t like to do tidy up time for example and that’s one of the things that gets mentioned most days. I think school makes him quite stressed and anxious and I’m not sure how to manage it. The school does a visual diary for him to help him transition through the day. We have been offered a meeting with the SENCO which I didn’t want initially but now wondering if it would help. I don’t want him being put into a box before he’s even in reception though, they are so little and I do feel a lot is expected of them. The teacher is supportive but my son says he doesn’t like her. I’m just feeling a bit ground down! Lots of difficult drop offs on a morning and ‘difficult day’ comments at pick up.

Please don't think of @putting him in a box@ or "labelling" him. It sounds as though they may want to offer support.

I would talk to them today and ask first that meeting with SENCO. Ask them to write to you or email you with their concerns. Also ask them if they are doing anything like Zones of Regulation with him.

I'd also do this simple SLT progress checker. We thought our DD's speech was fine but she had some aspects that she definitely struggles with. If it says he needs some support with SLT you can book a free appointment with one of their SLT's.

I'd also fill in the following Ages & Stages:

48 month Ages & Stages &

48 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages

Then I'd talk to your HV about your concerns and get her to mark them.

It's fairly normal for them to score grey in a couple of areas, anymore than that and I'd be asking for a referral to a Paediatrician for assessment. Waiting lists are long, a poster mentioned the other day that it's 10 years in Leeds. The HV can refer to things like portage, play therapy, hearing tests and SLT. He'll probably benefit from an Occupational Therapy referral too.

Another option might be getting Preschool to refer you to Caudwell Children for assessment?

I'd head on over to the SN Section too. There's a long running support thread and you can also ask about getting a workable ECHP.

Thanks so much for this. I actually feel a lot better after looking at the links you sent. I’m not concerned with his speech at all and there are no concerns on that list. There are a few things on the other two links which are definitely things I could talk to the SENCO about though, mainly not following rules and moving from one activity to another. He is also clingy when it comes to school drop off whereas he is not a clingy child in any other scenario. I will definitely get a meeting planned, thank you so much.

That's ok. I hope the meeting with SENCO is constructive