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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Sensitive subject, need to advise a friend of mine.

21 replies

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:05

Im a childminder, today one of my mindees's teacher came to me for a quiet word as she wouldnt see mum till tomorrow.
She said mindee had been scratching down below today, at first they thought she was itchy and asked if she needed toilet etc and asked her to stop then wash her hands.
Teacher then said that ALL day, she has had to ask mindee to take her hands out of her pants and teacher said it was more than an itch, mindee looked like she was 'enjoying herslef'(her words not mine), she has had to stop her approx 3-4 times from rubbing herself on the corner of their desks and said her initial thought was of itchy infection but it has continued all day with her 'enjoying herself' while doing it???she didnt elaborate on this and TBH i was too embarresed to ask!

So i rang mum(so i didnt have to discuss infront of mindee) and explained(leaving out the bit about enjoying herself) and said i wondered if mindee maybe had a water infection or something?, mum said she would speak to mindee at home tonight and have a look.
While with me tonight mindee has not scratched or had ahnds in pants once, when i asked if she been intchy today she said yes, when i then said is it sore or itchy, she said no, its 'just different'?..i said ok, but let not scratch our bottoms as we might pass germs on and it doesnt look very nice, we then washed her hands and she went to play.

when mum collected i was more straightforward, i said what id asked her dd and said that persoanlly i think she's maybe realised a part of her body she'd not noticed before but at her age, i think it needs to be addressed and explained why we dont do this in a classroom full of other children and why we shouldnt.

Mum agreed, said shed thouht the same and would speak to mindee tonight!..i assume teacher will also speak to her in morn!...what would you do!..how would you broach it, mum has no idea of what to say, i havent either and obv if teacher is speaking to me each night, i need to be able to help..help!

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whomovedmychocolate · 10/03/2008 20:10

Don't know how old she is but it's perfectly normal for kids to go through this stage. Touching oneself is nice, but the trick is learning not to do it in public!

If I was her mum I'd explain that that sort of touching was fine at home on her own but that much like weeing and pooing was something we only did on our own and not in front of people.

DoodleToYou · 10/03/2008 20:10

Message withdrawn

catzy · 10/03/2008 20:17

I to think its normal. My DS used to enjoy a good feel. Once I told him a few times that it wasn't wrong but it was a private thing he got the message.

Don't know if he grew out of it or just has a go in private.

You've let mum know so it's over to her really.

Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:20

She's 4 almost 5, my dd's same age, i would be shocked if she did this, i think its very young, although if its a discovering new bits thing i guess there is no age limit on that..the teacher howerve made is all sound a bit 'dark' by telling me she was enjoying it a bit much, its not like she knows about masturbation(the child) so she cant be touching her self for effect, just finding out new things?

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Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:22

I said to the teacher "thanks for that".. i guess you'll be out on training tomorrow then eh?..she just laughed and said im sure i feela migrainine coming on..just awkward for everyone really, but i hate this part of minding(picking them up to be told this stuff or handed wet/soiled clothes etc..hey ho..its a learning curve

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bagism · 10/03/2008 20:24

It's up to mum really, she should be first port of call for the school to broach the subject with, not the childminder.

lacarete · 10/03/2008 20:25

i remember reading something in a baby book that said (warned I think!) it was normal for babies to do this so i guess it can happen at any age they notice how it feels! I think you did brilliantly with the mum though

Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:27

hi Bagism, teacher mentioned to me as mum doesnt collect at all and rarely drops off, yeah she should have maybe give her a call?..i would have hoped it would ahppen that way if it were me?!

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FairyMum · 10/03/2008 20:32

Even small children masturbate and its completely normal. No harm in saying she should do it in private, but my guess is the other children didn't notice and its just the teacher who is uncomfortable about it.

DoodleToYou · 10/03/2008 20:33

Message withdrawn

sarz · 10/03/2008 20:33

This is entirly normal, and as mentioned something boys do more openly! It probably did start as an itch and then she realised it felt 'different' and was then exploring the sensation IYSWIM!! Hopefully now it will be handed to mum and she can explain that its something you just dont do. Dont be embarassed about it, i used to work with special needs adults, one of which used whip her skirt down and touch herself infront of random men in Asda/town/post office anywhere she felt like it really, now THAT was embarassing!!
FWIW, you handled it really well already!

bagism · 10/03/2008 20:36

hello rosegarden, yes me too, i wouldn't feel comfortable finding out about behaviours my child had that were causing concern, from a second party, i'd want to be informed of this before anyone else.

controlfreakyagain · 10/03/2008 20:37

sorry but dont get why this is such a big deal for everyone... you are all adults. what's so hard about a brief factual conversation??

Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:39

thanks everyone and thanks for the link doodle, interesting, from what ive seen today(whihc was nothing) she may have jsut had an itch and thought oh whats that?!?
But was odd that she did try to use corner of table frequently??

LOL Sarz (in a nice way) i bet yo had some explaining to do

the little one in question though had on a pinafore with tight underneath, so the whole dress was lifted up, hands pulling down tights and into pants...not really discreat?, although like we say she cant have known what she was doing, her friends will have saw as the teacher did?

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Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:40

sorry, 'tights' underneath

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Original poster

ROSEgarden · 10/03/2008 20:41

controlfreakyagain, theres nothing hard about it, i was asking advice on how i could help mum speak to her dd about it again.
id already spoken to mum and LO today.

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bagism · 10/03/2008 20:49

Why isn't the school approaching parents first, i'd be annoyed hearing this kind of stuff from someone else via a teacher.

bagism · 10/03/2008 20:50

via a childminder i meant to type

MaureenMLove · 10/03/2008 20:53

Rose, you're chat with her was spot on. You said exactly the right thing to mindee and exactly the right thing to her mum. Not everyone finds it easy to talk about such things, regardless of whether you are an adult or not, but I think you handled it all perfectly.

Original poster

ROSEgarden · 11/03/2008 11:54

Thanks Darl..spoke to mum this morn and asked if anyhting was said, i get the impression it WAS curiosity and not an itch but we didnt go into it as dd and her dd were there, i said at the end of the day its not wrong, its just inappropriate to do it in a class/in public..she said as much to her and thanked me for supporting her and being discreet.

Teacher pulled mum to one side as soon as we got in and gave me an embarresed look and i just said 'its all fine'..cue releif on her face.

I also looked at that link last night from doodle and told mum that from what i had see it was normal and that she shouldnt worry, just make sure she knows discovering new body parts is not for class time

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Original poster

ROSEgarden · 11/03/2008 11:55

yeah but i never did manage to discuss in full detail the older mindee with her mum when she was shouting 'sex noises' that time!.rememeber that one??..never a day the same in thsi job

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