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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

The Court Of Mumsnet is In Session - Verdict needed

46 replies

seeker · 10/03/2008 12:11

dd's friend is 11. She was given an Iphone for Christmas. On a contract. By the first bill, to her horror she had run up a bill of £200 (!). Cue fury all round. She has had the phone taken away and she is grounded indefinitely. Including not being allowed to go to a big year 7 party that they have been looking forward to for months.
And she gets no money except for absolute essentials until the money is paid off.

I understand the fury, but I do think it's partly the parents' fault for not monitoring her phone better - or putting a limit on it or something. And I do think the party thing is a bit harsh. I think I would have made her pay off the money, and I think I would have got her a cheap and nasty basic phone.

What do people think?

OP posts:

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harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2008 12:31

massive over-reaction and harshness on their part. unfair, I think, to punish her for something she couldn't really be expected to understand.
I don't really think it is a question of trust

LoveMyGirls · 10/03/2008 12:32

Very harsh she is being punished for their mistake you can hardly tell them this though. Feel sorry for her, I'm sure she had no idea how long she'd been on the phone how much it costs etc, I ran up a £300 bill when I was 19 and I was so shocked of course I had to pay it (well dp helped) and I learnt my lesson but as I was responsible for my own actions it was fair enough.

Very harsh especially the bit about her missing the party.

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/03/2008 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cam · 10/03/2008 12:34

mmj, 11 is too young to be trusted to use an iphone judiciously.

My 11 year old dd, v. trustworthy, v. honest, v. sensible, v. intelligent, ad nauseam would have a field day with an iphone.

Hence, no iphone

Frizbe · 10/03/2008 12:35

Should have been PAYG then oopse on the parents part, but they should have seen it coming. I think she should be allowed to go to the party though.

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2008 12:35

but how would an 11 year old know how much she was racking up on an i phone?
I wouldn't....

AngharadGoldenhand · 10/03/2008 12:37

Parents' fault. 11 yo simply not mature enough.

They should perhaps make her pay half and allow her the party.

Skimty · 10/03/2008 13:02

Grounded indefinitely is never fair. I think indefinite detention is against the human rights laws anyway Nor is stopping her going to the party. These things mean so much at that age.

I think she should not just be deprived but be given opportunities to work it off e.g. ironing, cooking.

I bet she feels sick so it's best to harness that. If it drags on, seems too extreme the, IMO, she'll just start to get cross.

MegaMindy · 10/03/2008 13:05

Agree with Anna.

(except I have no idea what an Iphone is)

redwino · 10/03/2008 13:06

I blame the parents.....

Original poster

seeker · 10/03/2008 13:08

Pretty unanimous, then. I think the problem with Iphones is that you get lots of free phones and texts, but accessing the internet is expensive, and that's why you have an Iphone, after all. A bonkers thing to give an 11 year old, IMHO.

I rang the parents on Saturday all innocence to ask if she needed a lift to the party - but was told adamantly that she was grounded and couldn't go. So nothing else I could have done.

Apart from anything else it seems a shame to miss a party at this important friend-making stage of year7.

OP posts:

pushki · 10/03/2008 13:21

parents absolutely bleedin mad IMO - I was lucky enough to get an iphone for xmas from my DH and I still feel a bit guilty for having such a luxury item - always used to get DH's cast-off phones when he got upgrade!! You get 600 free texts and 600 free minutes with the contract and internet etc is free most of the time - so this girl must have been doing some serious stuff on the phone to rack up that bill. if she had been abroad maybe she used email & internet which costs loads - was she away at half term?

think her parents should look at themselves and question what they were thinking of!!! love my iphone but not suitable for 11 y.o. - my DS who is 11 now has my boring cast-off phone!

phlossie · 10/03/2008 16:16

Poor kid! I don't think an 11 year old can possibly show self control not to run up a huge bill when given a toy like that. I expect she downloaded loads of stuff as well as making lots of calls.
I would get her to pay the money back in installments out of her pocket money to teach her the value of things and switch her mobile to pay as you go.

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 16:17

its like puttng a fox in a chicken coup and telling it not to touch.

you cannot blame a child fro behaving like a child.

ZoeyW · 10/03/2008 16:31

Talking of unsuitlable things for a child my DD , who is 5, came back after half term from her grannies with one of those pink nintendo thingies.
SHE IS FIVE!!!!!
Evidently she told grannie she was only one in class without one , What a FIB!!

I have hidden it and told her she can only use it on car/train journeys etc.. I mean I don't even allow her to watch TV during week and only DVD's on weekend and then she turns up with this!!!!!

Aren't I a meanie.... I mean well tho'!

edam · 10/03/2008 16:39

they are barking. Hope the lesson they have learnt is 'have realistic expectations of your child' rather than 'x is a very naughty girl'.

ds has developed an interest in dh's Nintendo DS. Will be a very long time before he gets one of his own, though!

Meandmyjoe · 10/03/2008 19:42

Bonkers for getting a child of 11 a phone on a contract. This is just asking for trouble!

I would make sure she had a pay as you go phone and only give her £10 credit every month for texts or emergency calls only. I really think phones give far too much freedom to kids (and adolescents). I ran up a £198 phonebill when I was 17 and my dad was less than happy! Let's just say that was 7 years ago and I still don't trust myself with a contract phone now!

I think it's very harsh to punish her this way though. Just taking the phone off her and telling her it's not acceptable would have been enough- especially if you think about it it's really the parent's responsibility to check up on the phone usage and who she's calling. She's far too young to take all the responsibility. I still can't be trusted now and I'm nearly 24!

Original poster

seeker · 11/03/2008 10:51

I'm so pleased everyone (I think) agrees with me! I was worried that I was a soft touch mum. Mind you , the chances of dd having any phone on a contract, never ming an Iphone are up there with pigs flying and a harmonious thread about breast feeding on Mumnset!

I have to say that when I rang up to talk to the dad he was REALLY scary - talking about "serious infractions' and "the answer has to remain No" and stuff like that.

OP posts:

WallOfSilence · 11/03/2008 10:59

Oh, a judgy thread.... hasn't been one of these for ages

Cam · 11/03/2008 13:04

Oh dear Seeker

"serious infractions"

He's taking no responsibility for having made a mistake himself then

Cam · 11/03/2008 13:06

Sounds like he thinks he's entered into a contractual relationship with his child.

Someone should tell him you can't contract with a minor

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