Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Toddler, Empathy & hurting animals

3 replies

OAYH · 01/11/2023 07:50

My 2 years 10 month old son who was born 5 weeks older is starting to scare me. I don't think he can feel empathy. He will say sorry when told to after hurting me but I don't think he feels sorry he is just saying it to move on. He will give me a kiss, he won't say sorry on his own you need to ask him. If he sees a kid visibly upset he will stare at them but he won't do anything. If he hits me and i pretend to be very upset, he doesn't care at all... I recently did this to try to understand if it was just other kids or in general. We recently rescued a cat and he has always shown such interest in animals, taking them food to eat and being what I thought to be kind but perhaps a little heavy-handed. Since having this cat and despite being told off in many different ways ( carefully looking at his eyes, negotiating, explaining and now shouting :(.. he won't stop it. If I tell him not to touch the oven - he won't. This is different. He wants to hit her on the head, pull her tail and throw things at her. Earlier on in the year, yet he was playing with a friend's dog and I watched him from afar. He wanted to be with the dog but he wanted to hit her nose with shoes. He knows exactly what he is doing. Throw things at her. He also struggles to make friends. He was raised around other kids having daily play dates from a young age. He selected a boy 2 years older than him and fluent as his best friend. My son's speech is delayed and although he says words for those who don't see him daily he can be hard to understand. These 2 boys love each other so much even tho they can't communicate. That is until another child comes along. Then my son will sit in the corner, refuse to interact, and ask to leave. He leads with friends that he has selected. If a child approaches him in the supermarket he will give them his back and pretend they don't exist. Sometimes he tries to get other kids' attention but more often or not he becomes painfully shy and tries to put most of his hand in his mouth whilst anxiously looking at the floor. I know what no empathy means. I know this is a very worrying behaviour. I feel sick and I am worried sick that I have a sociopath for a child and this is my fault. He is fine with his cousins who he sees 1 time per year and they are older than him. However, he is 100 % the centre of attention so I don't know if this has something to do with it. Can someone please tell me who to see or what to do? I am so worried I keep dreaming that he will end up locked up.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Clearspring1 · 01/11/2023 08:09

starting to scare me

I feel so sorry for your son. That his mother feels like this over very normal toddler behaviour

BogHag · 05/11/2023 08:12

Children aged 2-3 actually don’t experience empathy. It’s something that generally develops gradually between the ages of 3 and 5, but it can take even longer for it to become a fully developed sense.

Your child isn’t hurting animals because he’s a sociopath. He just doesn’t have the tools to comprehend that his behaviour is causing pain. All he sees is that his behaviour prompts an interesting reaction from the animals.

You have to manage the behaviour, even if that means keeping him away from animals in the mean time. Correct him when he does something that could hurt them and tell him why - that is helping him learn and develop his empathetic sense. Don’t be angry or aggressive, he literally doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong. Try linking the behaviour to his own feelings, for example, ‘If you pull the cat’s tail you will hurt her. When you get hurt you don’t like it. The cat doesn’t like to be hurt just like you don’t like to be hurt.’ Keep it up consistently, ensure the cat is safe in the meantime, and he will develop empathy in the normal timeframe as most children do.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 05/11/2023 23:15

When you say his speech is a little delayed. Has he had a hearing test and been referred to SLT?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page