3 year old girl - ASD concerns

[Clarity16]

Hi,

I'm a little bit worried about my daughter's development (just turned 3). To keep it brief:

Worries

• She is not conversational. She can talk, tells us what she wants and understands everything but is not conversational like my son was. She often repeats back to us what we've said, for example "put your coat on because it's raining" she replies "I need to put my coat on because it is raining". Like that for lots of things. A very factual and repetitive way of talking.
• Self soothes all the time by playing with her belly button and sucking her lip/tongue.
• Seems to find it hard to play properly with other children. For example at s party some children were playing 'tag' and she just charged into them rather than playing properly.
• Doesn't join in with group activities. If we go to toddler group then she won't join in with songs or sit down without me for snack time. Has recently started toddler ballet and again doesn't really join in.
• Pretends to be a baby a lot. Will talk in baby talk rather than use her words.
• Likes everything to be very organised and tidy, things have to be just so.

Things she does do:

• As I said, understands everything. Speech is clear too.
• Sleeps and eats fine.
• Goes to nursery three days a week with no problem.
• Very cuddly and affectionate.
• Pretend plays and can play independently.

I don't know what's 'normal' for this age, except that she's very different to my son at her age who was extremely sociable and chatty, but is that just a personality difference or something more?

Any experiences appreciated.

Thanks

Hi there, sorry to hear you're concerned.

To be fair it sounds totally normal to me, I used to worry a lot, but spoke to many mums of around same age children as I got my own little sweetie, kids they all different, and develop in different stages ...
I used to pick on little things my little now 4 yr old do, but find some weeks were odd to do with her behaviour, but then as week pass she knows and does/say something new...
If you do have further concerns, express that at nursery where your DD goes to, let them observe her development.

It doesn't sound like ASD to me - I think even when ASD is at the high end of the scale, the development would not be so in line with the broad norms as your description. But no harm in keeping an eye on it and seeing how things go - I know it's hard to let go of a worry once it starts

This is not correct. Until DS was approaching secondary age I had no idea that he had Aspergers syndrome. He was bright and able but shy and any small things was put down to his age. It wasn't until end of primary that the difference between him and other kids his age became more obvious.

The problem is OP that at this young age it can be very hard to tell so I wouldn't do anything yet. Just keep a note of anything you notice that is unusual or different from her peers because it's surprising how much you forget and will be useful if she does end up being assessed.

The other thing to consider OP is, is there anyone ND on either side of the family - doesn't have to be ASD could be dyslexic for example? If dd is autistic then it will have come from somewhere.

Thank you @itsmyp4rty this is part of my concern. My sister has what would probably have been referred to as Aspergers in the past, so it is in the family.

That sounds normal tbh OP

I think there are a few things there that are a little unusual – the speech pattern and the wanting things tidy and organised, for example – but small children are quirky little creatures, so it's very hard to predict whether it's an early sign of something, or just a small child being a small child. With the joining in at classes and playing with other children, I think at just 3 not really getting this is still within the range of typical development, although probably getting near the later end, as nurseries tend to start to expect them to all sit for a story or similar at 3.

You could potentially have a look at the Emotional-Social Ages and Stages Questionnaire (https://www.socfc.org/SOHS/Disabilities%20Mental%20Health/ASQ/ASQ%20SE%2036%20Months.pdf) and see what that suggests.

Hi OP, my daughter is 3.5 and is very like this in terms of her lack of conversation and repeating things we say like that. She also doesn’t have any interest in other children. Her older brother was/is the total opposite so I didn’t know how much was still normal, just a different character.

My daughter’s traits (more than mentioned above) seemed to become very noticeable a couple of months ago and it felt like a very scary regression. I genuinely hadn’t considered ASD before but now it feels inevitable. We have been referred to the community paediatrician.

No ASD in our families that I am aware of, but she was premature which I understand can be a factor.

Interested to hear how you and your daughter progress.