how do I get my DS to do more for himself?

[mckenzie]

My ds is three and a half and I've always assumed a fairly typical boy, ie lazy! Toilet trained since February but still I take him to the toilet, 9 times out of 10 I pull his trousers and pants down and pull them back up again. I get him dressed in the mornings and although he sometimes helps with taking his clothes off at bath time it doesn't alwyas happen.

We're expecting baby no2 in February and so have decided (that's DH and I) that we really must make a real effort to get him doing more things for himself.

I've tried the 'by the time i've counted to 5 I'd like you undressed please' approach, also the 'take those !!??!!!?! clothes off now' approach, I've used endless patience with him but to no avail. If I elft him to dress himself in the morning he would still be in his PJs at teatime.

I think the reason I'm still helping him at toilet time is because I'm worried that if I dont he'll have an accident but I guess I've got to just take that risk huh?

Any tips/advice very gratefully received.
Thanks in advance.

ds was similar and was 3yrs 5mnths when dd arrived. To encourage him to get dressed in the morning for preschool (he was then between 3.5 and 4) I drew a diagram of him with basic clothes on and stuck it on his wardrobe door. As he was able to do itmes himself we coloured the diagram in. So we began with just underwear, then added trousers, t-shirt, socks etc as he got more competent and quicker at it. Even though he is now 6 I still lay out his clothes in the morning but he dresses himself completely.

Does your ds go to a playgroup or preschool yet, and if so how does he cope with toiletting there ? Better to get it sorted out now as you probably won't have energy or patience to concentrate on it after the baby is born. Avoid any fussy fastenings (ds has motor issues and finds small buttons and some zips hard) and for easy toiletting use elasticated loose trousers (ie joggers) in a plentiful supply so that if he does have a splash you can change him without too much fuss. tbh both mine found undressing much less trouble than dressing so if you get the latter done the undressing should be straightforward.

hth

Wow! My ds1 is 3 yrs 9 months and although can undress himself and has a go at dressing - I certainly don't expect him to do it all on his own yet! Should I be?! That would be bloody marvellous!

LIZS - what a fantastic idea. That might work with ds. He seems really responsive to that kind of stimulus.

McKenzie - no ideas, sorry. If you get any good tips, be sure to pass them on. My ds sounds just like yours!

another thing you can do keep them on track is have a symbol for each item of clothing which they follow- you can have the symbol covered and have them pull the cover off in order iyswim. (you can do this for things like teeth cleaning etc as well- we have laminated symbols above the sink giving the sequence- prob not necessary for the average NT child but I guess some kids may like it and find it rewarding).

To teach dressing skills always use backward chaining, so you do everything except the very last bit, then gradually as they master the last bit leave them to do more and more until they can do it all.

If it makes you feel any better my ds is 3 and 3 months, I also have a baby due in Feb, and my ds isn't toilet trained, cannot dress himself AT ALL, has enormous difficulty undressing and takes absolutely forever, finds it almost impossible walk any distance and walks very, very slowly (aaargh!). He can just about get his nappy down, but it's sooo slow. To be fair to him he has been diagnosed with a motor skills delay and motor planning problems - dyspraxia basically, but it makes life very tiresome sometimes - he finds it very, very difficult to get into the car by himself, let alone his car seat....I could go on. Still, I suppose we'll cope.

thanks for the tips and words of support. I think i shall ask Ds's godfather who is a graphic designer if he could draw a picture of DS in various stages or dress to get him interested in what we're trying to do. And thanks very much for the 'backward chaining' tip (I'd never heard of that before) - we'll definitely try that starting tomorrow. Mind you, now DH and I will have to agree on whether socks go on first or last!!