Almost 4yo - what’s “normal” behaviour

[bakingmummy21]

DS1 will be turning 4 in December and I’m looking for advice on whether his behaviour is normal. It feels like we’ve been in the terrible twos / threenager stage forever and his behaviour is just horrible. I’m really struggling to cope with it and feel it’s impacting my relationship with him. It’s also impacting the whole family as our other children have to put up with his behaviour. DH thinks it’s normal toddler behaviour but I wonder if maybe it’s something more. His behaviour includes:
-Being disobedient, not doing things when asked and constantly messing around eg running away when it’s time to get dressed or put shoes on

-Shouting / screeching / screaming often for no reason
-Destructive behaviour like breaking things on purpose, pushing things off shelves / tables etc.
-Non stop moaning and whining, usually directed at me
-Often being unable to sit still, very fidgety and wriggly, always running round, crawling under tables when we’re out
-Throwing things when angry and throwing rubbish on the floor / launching it at other people (for example in the car he will throw his rubbish from the back into the front whilst we’re driving)
-Screaming for mummy and being very reluctant to let daddy help with anything from getting dressed to making breakfast to bedtime etc. (this has been the case for around 2 years)
-Hitting his older and younger siblings
-Being quite sensitive to loud noise and also to the feel of some fabrics

He has moments of being quite lovely, goes to preschool 4 days a week and no behaviour issues flagged there. Previously went to nursery and similarly no issues.

We have tried to discipline him at home but nothing seems to work - punishments or incentives have no effect on his behaviour at all.

I realise he is still little but his behaviour is so much worse than his older sister at the same age and compared to other children his age he just seems out of control and I can’t seem to see any end in sight. I wonder if he’ll still be like this when he starts school. I also feel like it impacts my mental health but he directs everything at me and it really gets too much sometimes.

is this just normal 3 year old behaviour or could there be some neuro diversity?

Some of the things that you mention are becoming a bit out of step with his peers like the hitting. Lots of DC do hit but by now a lot of them have grasped that it's not acceptable and have learnt to express their anger in other ways.

The sensitivity to clothes and loud noises and the reliance on you might be an indication that he could need some extra support too.

Normal discipline techniques have never worked with my DD either. Have you read The Explosive Child? That might help.

Have you tried anything to help him with his emotions too like Eggspressions?

I think that if you're thinking that it's becoming more apparent that he's a little behind his peers and is struggling a little, I would call the HV and ask her to do the 48 month social & emotional ages & stages and along with the 42 Month Ages & Stages and see how he scores