How do I know if 3yo dd's behaviour issues are normal?

[flower68]

I am really struggling with my 3 y dd at the moment. In addition to waking up at 4.30 am (have listed this prob under sleep section), she has a will or iron and has a real problem with doing as she's told. Plus unbelievably demanding about everything from which TV programme she wants to watch, to drips of water on her bottle. Plus being frequently vicious to ds aged 20 months. I've tried to put a lot of it down to just toddler behaviour and I'm also aware that she needs a lot of input from me and dh and doesn't always get it.

Although I love to pieces, I have frequent moments of actively disliking her like this afternoon, after we'd had a nice time with cuddles and giggles turning my back to find she'd dug her nail into ds's face, drawing blood. In terms of discipline we do sending her to her room and there can be a lot of shouting. I should make more use of reward chart than I do. But how do I know it's just a phase and not some terrible character flaw?! Has anyone sought help of a child psychologist, just for reassurance, or is this just neurotic?! I am aware that we could have more laughs and fun together than we do...

bumping this, am quite sure this is just a phase flower. Start using the reward chart now/tomorrow.

Mine are a bit older than yours but I remember that sensation..just as you thought you'd figured out how to handle the babes/toddlers one of them enters a new phase!!!..and the goalposts move.

I promise you it seems like forever but it will pass quickly...it really is just a phase.

Hope someone will be along with some uptodate practical advice later.

I am new to this site but felt I just had to post something to you. I am trawling the net tonight in need of help too! Have 2 girls - just 3 and the other 14 months, generally very nice kids but oldest has turned into vicious monster at times hitting the youngest, taking toys away, sitting on her head etc. Hubbie been away since nov 12th and due back in 2 weeks (hurray!) and eldest just sees me as 'bad cop' the whole time. I end each day hating the sound of my own voice as all I seem to do is shout at her and tell her off but she just doesnt listen and will not do anything I ask her to. She is a willful young lady who just simply laughs and grins when I tell her off and believe me I am strong in my approach. Nothing seems to work, naughty step, banning tv etc. I seem to think being horrible to her sister is simply a way of getting my attention as she knows it gets a reaction. She shouts and screams whenever I am on the phone which as you can imagine is seriously frustrating seeing as I am on my own.
I think it is two things.... one is tiredness, and the other is a belated reaction to having a sibling now that the youngest is on the move and entering her space. It will pass (apparently). Sorry for ranting but I kinda hope it makes you feel better - that you are not the only one going through this.....
AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! Gin! Now!

Ds (3 in April)hits/kicks/spits etc just to get his own way! Has only started doing it in last 3 months or so and we have resorted to 'naughty step' to resolve it (am sure i am not supposed to call it naughty step but hey?!?) with a reasonable degree of success.
He is also quite obssesive about routine as well..... ie having a biscuit in each hand, sitting on a certain seat to wtch tv, brushing his teeth in a certain way etc if he does not get his own way aver these things he will creat merry hell!!!! I do find just ignoring the worst of the behaviour works quite well.
Does she go to nursery/pre school.... ds does and they say he is fine there.... he has his moments but then so do all the other kids!!! Maybe it is worth asking their opinion?