Difficult 5-6week old

[Ljhunt]

My DD will be 6 weeks in 2 days time. She slept so well in the day in her basket and at night in her next to me cot until about 10 days ago. Since then she suddenly can’t be put down in the day, screams inconsolably in the evening and now is starting to refuse to sleep in her cot at night. I have to have her sleep next to me in bed which I don’t feel is safe and which means I hardly sleep, about 3 hours a night in short chunks

I feel at the end of my tether atm, I’m so exhausted. DH was giving her a late night bottle but she hates the bottle so much that we’ve had to move the bottle earlier as she has to be comforted by my boob after.

weve just stated on infacol, which is helping to bring up more burps. I’ve also been wearing her in a sling in the day which has been so helpful but a) my c-section has started to really really hurt and swell for the first time and b) my mum told me I was making things more difficult for myself down the line, she also said when I did a quick 2 min feed to help her to sleep that I was indulging her

After these comments I’m feeling so upset, we try to put her down, but after 2-5 mins she’ll wake up from the deepest of sleeps

i know there’s not much I can do and it’s not I unusual, but to those that experienced it, when did the phase pass? Was there anything you tried to speed it along? I hope by 8 weeks i might see some improvement as i can’t do this for much longer

I think the comments from your DM are deeply unhelpful. There's no such thing as making things harder for yourself further on. You are responding to your baby's needs and she's tiny still.

If your DM says anything like this again, I'd give her something to read in the Fourth Trimester.

There are a couple of things you can do to try and help DD. Have you tried offering a feed at least every two hours in the day?

Could you use a T-shirt that DH/DP has worn as the sheet in her mattress? This will give it a nice, reassuring smell without smelling of your milk.

If DM/DH are around, do give DD a big feed, possibly with Breast Compressions and send them out for a walk whilst you go and get some rest.

Are you going to a BFing Support Group too @Ljhunt? The people there will probably be a lot more supportive than your DM

You can’t indulge a baby - especially a newborn. They have needs and literally can’t fulfil any of them themselves. Having a quick 2 minute comfort feed to go to sleep is so normal (whilst also a bit annoying, I know), and they won’t do it forever.
Do you have a nighttime routine? We found that getting one started from around 6 weeks meant that he started to learn from really early that bathtime, feed in the dark etc = night sleep and he adapted quickly to then sleeping slightly longer and in his crib.
Just keep practicing with putting baby into the crib. One day it’ll click, but babies like to be close to their caregivers so being put into a crib alone is scary for them. They need to get used to being in there. For the day time naps, mine also slept so well in his Moses basket for the first few weeks and then stopped suddenly. In the end I just made sure I had a snack and a drink nearby, let baby feed to sleep and I enjoyed watching some tv whilst baby slept on me. At 6 months old he started having both of his naps in his crib and I no longer get to have those nice cuddles with him (felt annoying being stuck at the time, but now I miss them).
The first 8 weeks are so so hard, and so many people told me it gets better, doesn’t stay like this forever, and it goes so quickly etc, but it’s hard to believe it / understand it / see the good in it. But it’s all so true.

First of all, ignore DM. Mine also made the whole “rod for your own back” comments which made me question myself too at the beginning. The evidence though is overwhelming. You cannot spoil a newborn and holding and being responsive to their needs now means LESS crying later, not more. If you feel like letting her contact nap is the right thing, then it is.
You mentioned the sling and struggling with your c-section. Maybe try a stretchy wrap or less structured carrier if baby wearing is something that helps and that you want to continue.
My LO is 5 months now and the evening crying (PURPLE crying as it’s called) I can remember, was horrible. Every evening without fail. The good news is that it peaks at 6 weeks, so hang in there. It’s going to start getting better. With mine the evening crying just suddenly stopped at around 9 weeks.
Completely agree with PP about starting a bedtime routine. It doesn’t have to be complicated, it’s just creating sleep associations for baby (dark room= sleep, sleeping bag = sleep, crib = sleep etc.) at some point these things just suddenly click for baby and you’ll almost not even realise it’s happened. Mine would only contact nap for daytime naps but started to sleep well in her crib at night. Then one day I tried to put her in her crib for a daytime nap… and she just napped there happily and has done since (colds, teething and other fussiness aside).

Thanks to everyone for their responses. Very reassuring. My DM just spent an hour and a bit rocking her to sleep with a few goes of putting her down and little one woke up immediately every time. So hopefully she’ll understand I’m not spoiling her I genuinely don’t have another option. After all the efforts I put her on me and she’s immediately fast asleep she was so tired!

we’ve been trying the using my DH’s t-shirt trick. Not sure how successful, some
naps we can put her in her basket after having fallen asleep on us and she might stay there forever 15 mins before waking.

ill feel less guilty about letting her sleep on me. I don’t mind it, as it’s obviously so nice being close to her, but I hope it doesn’t last too long as I’d like to not feel glued to a baby 24/7. Would love to be able to reliably have bfast, shower, brush teeth etc !

she is much better at sleeping at night the part few nights. But it’s a pain to get her to sleep, takes 3 hours! We’re are trying to do the whole lights down, big feed, quiet etc and she’s super relaxed but just wide awake. I think from what you’re all saying, just keep persevering with it. The sweet thing is you can see that the reason she is sleeping less is because she’s so interested in what is going on around her, I feel so proud of her doing that but just wish she’d be more sleepy!

thanks for reassurance on the crying too, hopefully it’ll gradually decrease now that we’re at the 6 week mark 🤞🤞🤞

its very naive but I never imagined it being this hard! I expected limited sleep, my whole
world becoming about the baby etc but I never imagined I’d be eating dinner cold and one handed with her in the other arm, or spending hours and hours bouncing around a baby in my arms . I just thought they drifted off immediately 😂😂😂

If you don’t find it harder than you expected then you’re doing something wrong! Or have a magical baby. So you’re clearly doing it right, and keep doing what you’re doing and your confidence will grow.
One other thing from reading your reply, that damn startle reflex!!! I’d almost forgotten and get PTSD just thinking about it again. I used tommee tippee Grobags with arms tucked in for sleep and it was a game changer. Otherwise I’d put her down and she’d startle and the arms would immediately start windmilling and it was game over. Might be worth a try if you haven’t tried something similar.
Anyway, keep up the good work. You’re doing great and it does get easier…. In some ways… or at least you eventually find humour in it 🤣