discipline. what works for you

[Babyramone]

So far I've been very lucky with DS4yrs. He has his moments but don't they all and is generally well behaved.
However recently has started gettting quite defiant and cheeky.
For example if asked to stop kicking back of chair in car does it more and other day had made game of throwing soft toys down stairs and was asked to stop carried on and those where followed by books.
He'll then blow a raspberry or laugh in my face.
He has a stubborn streak and once set on something is often immovable so often I sort of have to pick my battles.

TBH he's great 80% of time and half my problem is ahven't had to tackle any negative dehaviour before.
I used to just tell him off in firm voice and that worked.
What I need now is advice on what works.
He was hitting his little sister this am and I after several tries said he couldn't go to his pals house for play after nursery. This actually didn't work at time but I followed through and when time came and he realised what he'd lost had mega tantrum with hitting and throwing.

I try and praise good behaviour and try and ignore the negative but need ideas on top of that.
I'm not keen on rewards v punishments but maybe I'm fooling myself.

I don't do rewards and punishements. I do 'I'm the boss and you'll do as you're told'

Remove him from whatever activity it is he is doing wrong, if he throws something, take it away from him.

e.g If DS/DD were kicking the back of the chair I'd move them from the chairso they couldn't kick it, if they carried on misbehaving they could sit on the floor. I find I say 'If you can't do X properly, you can't do X at all' quite a lot.

If they had thrown books/toys down the stairs my reaction would be 'Are these for the bin then?' and just put them up somewhere. When they asked for them later I'd say 'Well, I thought you wanted them to go in the bin?' and then explain that I hadn't thrown them away because I knew they were being silly, but next time, I would.

And never argue with them, ignore strops and tantrums, tell them 'I can't talk to you whilst you're like this because I can't understand you' and walk away.

As for hitting his sister, seperate them, take one of them with you to whatever you're doing, depending on the situation, if DD is watching her fave programme for example and you're cooking dinner, make him come and sit in the kitchen whilst you cook. If she would prefer to come in the kitchen with you, turn the tv off and leave him there by himself.

Sorry, reading back that sounds quite bossy!
Obviously if that's not what you want to do don't1 BUt it works for me.

Not bossy at all, infact exatly what I wanted to hear.
Thanks.
In my head I sort of knew what I should be doing just needed to see it written down.
Loving the bin idea.