Baby cries whenever awake - 10 weeks

[Natpat81]

Looking for some advice/suggestions.

My daughter is 10 weeks old and since she was 2 weeks she cries most of the time when she is awake. It’s hardly improved at all over this time, the only thing different is that we are now into more of a pattern so it’s easier to know when we expect her to cry, and when to try and get her to nap to stop the crying. She is breastfed.

What usually happens is she will feed, then be awake and happy for up to 15 mins (30 mins after first feed in the morning), then she will cry for the next 2 hours unless I can get her to sleep during some of that time. (Note that we’re not on a strict routine of feeding every 3 hours - could be between 2 and 4).

It makes no difference whether she is being held at the time - after up to 15 min of being happy she will start crying and holding her doesn’t soothe her in any way.

I am trying to hold her up after feeds in case it’s reflux, so it means she gets very little tummy time as she’s always crying, and I try reading books but she cries before I finish them. It makes me sad that we get very little interactive happy time, and that she spends so much time upset.

I saw the GP at 6 weeks who said “some babies just cry a lot”. The Health Visitor at 7 weeks suggested silent reflux (as she is not often sick), so I saw a different doctor who prescribed gaviscon but it hasn’t made any difference.

The only thing saving me is that she sleeps well at night. However during the day she will only sleep on me and it’s hard to get her to sleep when she is screaming.

Things I have tried:

• Infacol
• Gaviscon
• Gripe water (didn’t get very far as she kept choking on it)
• probiotic
• holding up after feeding
• massage and leg cycling for trapped wind
• sling (sleeps well in this when out for a walk but she’s not happy around the house)
• pram (if I’m lucky I can get her to nap for 20mins on a walk before she wakes up and cries)
• car seat on the pram (same outcome as pram). She’ll sleep in the car seat if we are on a longer motorway journey but cry on shorter journeys
• swing (lasts about 5 mins before crying)
• bath (she likes the bath for 5 mins but the screaming when she gets out reverses any relaxation)
• offering additional feeds (normally not interested)
• white noise (no effect)

Is this normal for her to cry this much? It’s my first baby so I don’t know.
Any suggestions of what else I can try?
I also have a GP appointment in 10 days so anything I should specifically ask for there?

Many thanks

Have you tried a dummy? I know people have. Strong feelings about dummies but I’m a huge fan, sucking is very calming for babies and might help a little.

A dummy is worth a try, certainly.

However, it sounds to me like she might be awake for too long between naps, so you're getting a huge amount of overtired crying – which can be a vicious cycle. A typical wake window for her age would be 1-2 hours, so wake up, feed, perhaps a nappy change, and 15-30 minutes of happy time could well be pretty much a whole wake cycle for her if she's nearer the 1 hour mark.

What happens if you try to preempt the crying by putting her back down to sleep near the end of the happy window? I'd go for her absolute favourite way to fall asleep/stay asleep at first, to try to break the cycle. If it is being overtired during the day, you may well find that once you find her rhythm, the happy time stretches out a bit because she's not starting from overtired. And of course it will stretch out as she gets older.

Similar to Skkye but I would often change the nappy before or halfway through a feed as they'd go to sleep being fed.

If she doesn't go asleep on the breast you can get everything ready before the feed so that you can put her in the pram or sling and go straight out.

Have you tried offering feeds every 2 to 2.5 hours in the day to see if that helps?

Thanks all for your replies, some helpful suggestions.
@MotherOfDragon20 no we haven’t tried a dummy yet, but will give some strong consideration to one.
@skkyelark thanks, this could make sense as an explanation and not something I’ve tried. Selfishly I like to make the most of any awake and happy time so probably I do push it to its limit by which time it’s too late and she’s crying. But it makes sense to try and get her to nap whilst she’s still happy.
@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto thanks this is a good idea as well that I can try for some of the feeds. I take her out for a walk in the morning and afternoon but can’t physically do any more walking as I have to walk to get her to sleep then walk to keep her asleep! I can’t always offer every 2 hours as it takes 1 hour ish for the feed, nappy change, toilet break, get sling/ pram out, then I have to get her to sleep so depends on the length of nap, but it is a good suggestion for some of the feeds where I don’t leave the house or she has a shorter nap.

Of course you want to soak up the time when she's awake, not feeding, and happy! I think it's very hard going when it's almost all a cycle of sleep, feed, nappy, repeat. Hopefully finding the timings that work for her, plus her getting a bit more efficient at feeding as she grows, will get you more of that interactive time very soon.

I actually fed to sleep quite often as well – it naturally makes them sleepy, and with two poor sleepers, I needed all the help I could get – so I'll second that as definitely worth a try. It can mean you get nap-trapped quite often though, if DD is tricky to put down once asleep, so make sure you've got water, snacks, and entertainment in reach.

If you have to keep the pram moving to keep her asleep, try a pram rocker attachment. We got one secondhand, and at this age, DD2 had basically every nap that wasn't on me in the pram with it going. We had to walk her to sleep first, but then it would help her stay asleep.

How are you getting on @Natpat81 ?

Hi @skkyelark thanks for checking in. I haven’t been able to try much yet as we were in hospital over the weekend with a urine infection.

I had noticed she seemed to be crying less, and for the first time ever I arrived home from a pram walk and she wasn’t screaming. I hoped we had turned a corner but in the evening she had a temperature and we took her to A&E. I had to explain to confused doctors that her symptoms were a high temperature and less crying than usual!

We are home now and she’s definitely back to normal - yesterday I fed her every 2 hours ish as I couldn’t get her to nap and gave up after an hour of crying each time.

Whilst in hospital I asked the consultant for advice and she said it’s unlikely there’s anything medically wrong with her (other than the urine infection) such as reflux or cows milk allergy as she is fine at night. So she said it’s probably just colic.

Ive decided to wait until the 3 month mark as some people see an improvement in colic from then, and if not try the dummy.

We are also trying to be more aware about when her cues for changing from happy to crying so we can pick her up earlier to try and prevent it.

I have considered one of those pram rockers you mentioned but I’ve worked out she will only sleep 30mins in the pram when I’m out then will wake up even if I’m still walking, so not sure if the rocker would help with that (as it’s quite pricy, I’m looking for a second hand one).

What is getting to me most is that I can’t do anything outside the house ( coffee, restaurant, class, go to somebody’s house) without worrying whether I’ll be able to stop her crying. I like to get out and do things but it just takes away the enjoyment and stops me from looking forward to it.

Thanks for all your comments, it’s much appreciated to hear from somebody else and not feel alone!

Hello all

Just to update you that the crying did improve at 12/13 weeks. Nothing I did differently, just such a relief. I can now take her places and not worry so much.

Thanks for your help

So glad to hear that she's finding the world easier and you're able to get out and about again!

@Natpat81 your post could have been written by me word for word! Our baby is 11 weeks and I am struggling so much with the constant crying or wingeing. Like you I have tried everything. Was the change gradual? How is your baby now? Thanks

Hi @MiRiz I’m sorry your baby is like this as well, it’s heartbreaking hearing them cry all the time.

As I mentioned above, we did see an improvement at 12/13 weeks - it was a step improvement not gradual, but now with more hindsight she did still cry a lot until 6 months. It was only at 6 months she became happier for
longer periods, again it was a step change and not gradual. (Also to be clear it wasn’t weaning related which we had wondered if it would help as she didn’t eat any food until 8 months).

From 6 months onward until now, I‘m not going to lie she still isn’t the happiest of babies a lot of the time, but she is mostly happy. She goes through periods of being really happy for a few weeks, then we get a few weeks of constant whining and more crying, then she goes to being happy again. Maybe this is normal for babies, I don’t know (could be teeth related?!).

I still don’t know what caused the upset for all
that time - she doesn’t have any allergies. The 2 weeks - 12 weeks it was worse fits with the timeline for colic, but don’t know the underlying cause. Then just one day we went out to eat and I thought “oh she’s not crying anymore, yay!”. Definite improvements from 12 weeks and 6
monthis though that have made life much easier and more enjoyable. Oh from 12 weeks she also screamed less in the pram which made getting out and about a bit easier.

Hope things improve for you as well, hang in there, you’re doing an amazing job in a difficult situation!

@Natpat81 thank you so much for coming back to me!! I'm counting down the days until he will have some moments of being content!

@Natpat81 @MiRiz your post is me! I actually had to check i hadn't written it. My daughter is 10 weeks old and from week 2 has screamed, whinged and cried. I cant do anything round the house as I cant put her down she sleeps on me throughout the day and when awake i just have to walk her around, i cant take her out as im so embarrassed as all she does is cry. She hates the pram, car seat, sling, play mat, swing etc. She was diagnosed with silent reflux but gavison did nothing shes now on something stronger but wont take it, she had a tongue tie that we found out and sorted at week 7. I dont know anyone with a baby like this, and dont see any light at the end of the tunnel. Im absolutely loosing my mind. Please give me hope 🙏

Hi @Leannej1986, a big hug to you! My son turned 2 today and the first few months of his life were the absolute hardest. The constant crying and wingeing + lack of sleep and isolation can drive anyone to insanity. Our son was on omeprazole ( which did not really help his mood but was bringing back less milk), had his tongue tie sorted twice ( have no idea if this did anything) and saw an osteopath several times and even paid a private paediatrician. I couldn't understand how a baby can cry all day long and not be an underlying issue. I can reassure you, it will get much much much better. 10 weeks is apparently peak crying and for many, it gets better from 12 weeks onwards.
Our baby all of a sudden stopped constantly crying around 4.5 months.It felt like an eternity back then with no light at the end of the tunnel. Looking back, what would have helped was someone helping, giving me a couple hours break here and there to be able to cope with it better. Hang in there, it will get better very soon, you've been through the worst part so far.

@MiRiz OMG thankyou for messaging me and giving me some hope as im loosing my mind. She is now on omeprazole only been 3 days, not much luck getting her to take it properly though. I was contemplating using a osteopath but thought might be a waste of money as nothing seems to help. My exact thoughts how can a baby cry and whinge allday with having nothing serious wrong I keep worrying im missing something, no one believes me when I say she literally crys allday. Im glad it got better for you and im praying for the same for me 🙏 just hoping shes not just a miserable baby in general.

@Leannej1986 I worried about the same thing, that he is going to be a miserable child and that maybe he's got some neurodiversity. I think he was just a miserable colicky baby and he is a very happy and social baby now, developing very well. He's very strong willed and wants to do everything himself and pushing my buttons in other ways all day long. I know many parents say they miss their babies being that small but for me it was absolute hell and very few moments felt enjoyable. I enjoy him a lot now, he is a very cute tyrant😄

@MiRiz he sounds an absolute delight im so glad it all worked out for you! I certainly wont miss this baby stage im actually wishing her life and my maternity leave away as I just want her at an age I can enjoy. There is zero enjoyment atm. I literally feel broken mentally and physically. I hate knowing shes so uncomfortable but I do feel shes also bored/frustrated and 10 weeks of whinging I feel she know no difference. Im absolutely scared to death this wont end. My first was such a good baby never expected this 😢

@Leannej1986 that's how we get tricked into having a second one 😄 our son is our only child so far, I think because i am also terrified of going through the same thing again, so I completely understand how traumatic it can be. It feels like forever now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, hang in there!

@MiRiz if my daughter was my 1st I doubt i would of had anymore absolutely scarred for life. But all babies are different im sure your be blessed with an angel next time. Thankyou so much for giving me some hope really appreciate it!

@Leannej1986 sorry you are struggling. It looks like I last posted when my daughter was just over 1 and she still whined a lot. However when she turned 17months she suddenly became much happier, and has continued since. Obviously there’s still tantrums etc. but since then I’d say she’s been happy most of the time. Don’t know if coincidental but around the same time she started saying a few new words each day, so maybe she was frustrated about communication?
She is now almost 3 and healthy, happy, very strong willed, independent and very bright.

I’ve also had another baby since who is 9 months and she has been much happier.

I coped with my first by going out every morning and afternoon, and going on lots of walks (not that she was happy in the buggy but it was easier to deal with than crying in the house). I hope things improve for you soon!

@Natpat81 thankyou for replying really appreciate it. So pleased to hear shes turned into a happy 3 yr old. I try to get out with my daughter but it always ends up a disaster! We have a holiday booked one i did when she wasn't born not realising how she would be and now im dreading it. Praying she gets easier 🙏