19 month having major tantrums- what can I do

[kbaby]

Not sure what to do with DS. He is 19 months old and has started to have very bad tantrums. If you say the word no to him he goes mental and throws his dummy out and then grabs whatever is closest and throws that. He keeps pulling his sisters hair, hits and today has started biting.

I remember DD starting her terrible two's but cant remember how I dealt with them. Saying no to him seems to have no effect. He is into everything and I feel that I am constantly going behind him telling him off or taking things off him. ie climbing on our window sill, not wanting to get dressed.

Any ideas?

put him in his room. its the only thing that worked for my 2. and ignore the behaviour. calmly pick him up and put him in his room.

Calmly pick him up saying 'you don't do xyz'. Put him in either a travel cot/pen or area away from everyone which is safe i.e. nothing to get hold of/throw.
The next time he tantrums I would give a warning like 'if you do this then I will put you in ...,' then the next time don't warn him just do it IYSWIM. Eventually I found that either the warning was enough deterrant or dd took herself of to the hallway and sat down/ calmed down.

PS I don't use bedroom as punishment as it can cause problems in getting the child to go to bed.

well, we use bedroom for time out and its caused no bedtime problems

Thats fair enough nailpolish and I am glad it hasn't. I have looked after a child who was time outed in her bedroom at 2y. This resulted in her crying uncontrollably when I took her up to bed for her nap in the afternoon. Only when I said 'its ok you have been a very good girl, but you need a sleep', did she calm down.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

I guess the problem is that I cant really guage how much of what I say to him he actually understands or if he chooses to ignore me.
When he hits etc ive been crouching down and saying no hitting, it hurts, and thats when he generally loses his temper.

We use a naughty step with DD where she goes to calm down but though DS was too young.

Pitchouette gives some good advice but you may find it doesn't work for you. My DD has very bad tantrums and has done so since she was 9 months.

You'll probably find your DS won't take in anything of what you say to him while he is having a tantrum and talking etc might make him worse. You might find what is best atm is to remove him to a safe place where he can't hurt himself or his sister and let him get on with it. Make sure you are nearby though as tantrums can be very scary. Sometimes they just cannot regain control and that is pretty scary for them. As time goes on you might start to recognise cues where he needs your intervention - the rest of the time he might just need to get it out of his system. I don't think the naughty step sort of thing will work at his age.

I think you also have to start to pick your fights - try to ignore what you can and only pick up on the things that matter (i.e. those that are dangerous). My DD doesn't get dressed until 11am (unless we are going out before then) as I have chosen not to do the get dressed in the morning fight - it was a bad start to our day and I have found that she is more willing to get dressed after she has had a bit of time to herself before I pin her down and do nappy changes etc. Yes, she was around in a sodden nappy but she doesn't seem to mind. It's hard work I know but try to keep items not meant for him as much out of his way as possible if you are having taking things off him a lot. I got really down about feeling like I was constantly nagging my DD. Good luck and remember, they say these things peak at around the 2nd birthday then start to improve!

I think 19 months is a bit young for the full warning/naughty steps procedure; I'd just calmly remove him out of trouble and let him tantrum to his heart's content. Keep breakables at a safe height so as to reduce the need for conflict.

Distraction , move from scene it a safe spot and ignore. Also pick your battles - safety gets higher priority over annoyance.

Normally our tantrums are over something he wants but cant have. Ie the minute DD starts playing with something he wants it as ive tought DD to take it in turns etc its unfair to take the toy off her and give to him as a) hell work out that crying gets him what he wants b)i'd then have DD screaming. When I say to him after DD has finished you can have it he has the tantrum and starts hitting her, pulling her hair and then wanders about the room throwing things.