Devastated my 11 year old has been caught stealing in the school canteen

[miccoops]

My DS is in Year 7 and has seemed to be settling in well.. lots of new friends, enjoying the independence. The odd moan that school is boring but generally a good start. Today I get a call from Assistant Head and he has been caught stealing a drink from the canteen. He has money on his account and really just drinks water so I don't understand. He said he was worried he would run out of money, he gets £4 a day and I wanted him to learn to budget. He doesn't often spend it all, he said confessed to stealing once before for a friend to the school too. He knows stealing is wrong and I would never in a million years imagine he would do this.. I still can't believe it..

He is very, very remorseful. The Assistant Head said she could see how sorry he was and that he made a poor decision. He paid for the drink and apologised to canteen manager and the school have given a full day internal suspension in the reflection room tomorrow. His behaviour at school before this incident was excellent and with no issues.

We're going to remove devices and ground him for a week.. just on here really to see if anyone has any experience they can share or advice... I'm truly gutted.

He's always been a bit impulsive, we had a few issues around year 3 where he struggled after covid with other kids and would get very angry... but this is nothing like that and I can't get any more out of him other than that he didn't think he had enough money...

I don't know what he should tell his friends.. I have his phone and its pinging like mad with people asking where he was during afternoon lesson and after school.. any thoughts?? Thanks to anyone that replies.

I've not experienced this but can imaging be that you're all a bit upset and probably quite surprised.

Are you grounding him from any activities like football?

I think I'd be tempted to let him play sports but van him from going out generally and online gaming with his friends.

I think I'd also make him take in a packed lunch each day for a week or so until he can tell you he's going to be better at budgeting.

Thank you for your reply. We've grounded for a week which does include football training but I think will let him play the match Saturday as otherwise he really lets the whole team down, they are tight for players so will all suffer. He's also banned for gaming, all devices, going out with friends etc.. for 1 week.

We have gone to packed lunch to avoid issues with the canteen costs however I still don't really understand his reasons.... he has money on his account. He struggles with impulse control and is very immature.. he is very angry with himself. We can't really get to the true bottom of why he did it.. I'm not sure he really understands himself.

I drove him to school for the internal suspension today and he looked awful in the car.. I thought he going to throw up he was so anxious.

I just pray he learns a horrible lesson and doesn't do anything like this again.. deep down though his poor thought processes are a worry and I will be scared of future poor decisions as we transition to secondary school.

:-(

If he's immature, lacks impulse control and can't really explain why he did steal have you read up on ADHD?