DS2 (5) is so angry, stubborn, whingy, negative and tearful at the moment - help!

[Gameboy]

Am really feeling at the end of my tether with DS2 (5.5) at the moment.

He is so negative about everything. Constantly shouting/being aggressive. Lot's of 'it's not fair' when he doesn't get his own way (or 'loses' a game etc).
Lots of tears, complaining about things. Doesn't want to/ won't do things we ask.
Lots of arguing about things, even when we patiently try to explain why/how things need to be done.

He's the youngest in his class (summer boy!) and I'm worried that he's developing poor self-esteem as he's always trying to compete/ compare with his friends who are almost a year old than him, and are inevitably finding things like football/ reading/ writing etc easier.

He gets very frustrated when he can't do things - literally hits himself on the head in exasperation - but he won't let us help him either, he's so stubborn.

I had a chat with his teacher and she says she has no issues at all - she thinks he is doing well, and he is certainly not 'bottom' of the class - about middle, which is good considering his age. The only thing she did says is that he's a bit of a perfectionist, and gets quite upset if he can't do something EXACTLY as he wants it, which obviously makes his work slow.

I'm feeling hopeless - I really don't know how to help him, and he's pushing me away when I try.

as I really am feeling down about this today, after DS2 and I had a huge stand-off over his games wear for school this morning

Hello Gameboy

My daughter is a bit of a perfectionist too. She is 6. When she does for example a drawing and she does it wrong or when she is colouring something in and accidently colours over the outline rather than within it, she would screw up the paper and throws it in the bin in a frustrated manner. She works herself into a really bad mood which means when she does gets another paper and does it again, her mood gets worse.

Normally, I tell her to stop and try to calm her down. Then quietly, I sit with her and help her to do it correctly. If I calm her down and then heap lots of praise on her, she normally gets back into a good mood. If she doesn't, I just tell her to stop doing that and do something else instead or maybe suggest something else that she could do to cheer herself up like playing a game with her etc. It normally works. Once she is in a good mood, then I suggest she go back to finish what she couldn't do properly like the colouring in (for homework) etc.

I try to explain that sometimes, its ok not to be a perfectionist, if mummy thinks its ok then its ok. That the teacher too will think that she has done her best and in my eyes, its excellent.

Another example is her piano practice. She gets very frustrated when practising. Usually, I calm her down then suggest we do one hand at a time and slow build it up.Also maybe just 15 minutes for now and tomorrow we will do another 15 minutes. She used to be a real perfectionist but I think now she understand that she cannot be all the time and has calmed down a lot.

Just have lots of patience and helps lot of praises. I hope this helps. I am not an expert, just letting you know what I do.

Good luck.

This sounds too obvious, but he sounds like a child who is really tired. Could that be the real reason?

Thanks for these responses.

The 'tired' thought is an interesting one. He has an older brother who doesn't need much sleep, and I guess over the last year bedtime routines have got a bit later. We start the 'bedtime routine' at c. 7.30, so with bath/ stories etc it's usually lights out at about 8.15/8.30. Then he's always up at 6.30 a.m. - we don't wake him. So, that doesn't seem too bad on the sleep front? (But all kids need different amounts...)

I thought I had started this thread this morning

My ds is like this sometimes.
More sleep deffo helps. He's asleep by 7 a lot. Sometimes just before and sometimes just after. But always by 7.30pm (unless xmas, party etc)

We start bedtime routine at 6 ish depending on how tired he is.

He wakes at 6 ish too.

I agree he sounds exhausted. School is very hard work for them - not just the work itself, as it were, but the long day, the newness of it all and the input/stimulus all day, which can be overwhelming.

He just sounds knackered.

Mine is the same but is having frequent days off because of it, he is allowed to as he is only four atm.

If he can't handle it next year I shall take him out for a year or two till he has more stamina. I realise that's not always an option.

It is so very hard to be patient with them when they are so angsty. I understand where you're coming from. I am trying to be very kind to mine and sure he knows I am on his side, despite the anger he is showing.

Now I feel crap - because you're probably right, he most likely IS tired. Also he had a nasty virus a couple of weeks ago, so it's likely his body is still recovering.

I can't believe I didn't even think about this as an option - it's so blinking obvious!

Don't feel bad. He can start with an early night tonight. You don't have to tell him its an early night though. Just start everything an hour earlier.

God, I often forget the most simple explanations for mine behaving like a little so and so! Please don't feel bad. FWIW, mine is usually cross because he is tired, hungry - I forget to feed him - or because I am spending too much time on MN

You sound like a lovely mum