Hello,
Thankyou for all your messages. I'll tell you a bit more about it. She's generally okay at school, one or two issues, but nothing major, she's a high achiever who could do better if she tried. At home she has good days. On other days I feel that I constantly have to tell her off for little things, I might have to ask her to do something 5 times before she does it. She can be quite rude. If I say that she is being rude she will say, "you're rude". She had a friend over to play yesterday who looked a bit surprised at how my daughter was behaving. I don't usually feel that I have much control over her. Another mother recently told me that she doesn't want my daughter to come to her house to play with her daughter. Then there are the times that my daughter really blows. She can get really angry and have kind of tantrums over something little like not being able to find a t-shirt. She used to scream and hit me, but has stopped hitting me now.
I do feel such a terrible mother. When she blows I usually feel like crying. She's the middle child, and I feel that it's because of that. I don't have much support, and latley have been feeling really bitter about my mother not helping me out. The bitter feelings are sort of eating me up. What I feel that I need is a strategy to deal with her that I can feel confident about. A friend of a friend saw a psychologist who set her up with a program whereby good behaviour was rewarded with 'mummy time'. I'd like to do something like that, but I think that I need to talk things through with someone.
I need to try and remember that she is a little child who wants my approval, not a little monster. I think that I need to always be positive with her, not say things like 'you're being rude', but try to say positive things, but it's hard when I start feeling angry.
All I want to be is a good mother, I feel so terrible that I don't seem to be succeeding.