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8 year old refusing to engage in any learning...

3 replies

bubblegumpeach · 28/09/2023 08:02

Wasn't really sure what to title this post but DH and I are at our wits end.

DD is 8, just started year 3. She is kind, bright and capable.
She goes into school ok and we have never had any negative comments from teachers in regards to behaviour.

However, at home, out side of school she refuses to engage in anything that takes effort. Homework - which is just spellings, reading and a bit of maths revision is a nightmare.
And it's not just school stuff... anything that requires her to do as she's told or where she might "learn" something is just impossible.
We have had to stop swimming lessons because she refused to get in the pool anymore.
Tried to reach her to ride a bike over the summer, and she would refuse to get on it. We just about managed to get her to the point of actually riding unsupported but now refuses to ride at all.

If she brings home a school book- that she has picked, she refuses to read it. And will only read picture books with minimal writing. She won't even let us read longer chapter books TO her.
She brings home a fact book about dinosaurs so we try an engage with her about dinosaurs and she gets angry because we are trying to " teach" her.... we aren't we are just having a conversation about something she might have an interest in!

She used to do Lego club, but didn't like that she had to build what the group leader was getting them all to build. She just wanted to do her own thing.

She has plenty of time to do her "own" thing at home but rarely does.

Homework is such a battle and we really don't know how to move forward and stop the arguments and her temper tantrums.
She talks to us like rubbish, we have tried punishment, incentives, rewards etc and nothing encourages her to just get on with it!
This has been going on since year 1 and is getting worse, and I dread to think how bad it will get when she actually has to start doing more formal homework!

How do we get her to engage???

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 28/09/2023 21:25

If it was just the reading I was going to suggest getting her eyes tested but if it's any demand of her I think it might be worth looking at PDA and seeing if you think that she sounds as though she's showing signs.

bubblegumpeach · 29/09/2023 10:13

Hi,

Thanks for replying.

I had never heard of PDA so just did a bit of reading up.
I don't think she fits the criteria. She goes to bed, gets ready, etc no problems. She will do things she's is asked to do if she knows how to do it.
But when something gets tough, or she can't do it straight away she refuses to engage at all and everything becomes a battle.

She wants to be able to cartwheels and backflips, we have said she can go to a gymnastics class... i think she would really enjoy it... but she just says no. Because she knows she will have to follow instruction, she wont be able to just do as she pleases.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 29/09/2023 19:39

Honestly it's not something I've really come across and ODA was just a bit of a guess.

Hopefully this will give your post a bit of a bump abs someone will be along soon who can help Flowers

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