Grating, whining, whingeing toddler driving me insane...

[hattyyellow]

I imagine that this is fairly common, but it's the sort of thing where you feel you are the only one and such a crap parent..

One of my twin daughters (2.7 months) has always been fairly keen on attention, being picked up, getting frustrated fairly easily.

In the last few months she's discovered the most infuriating whingy tone - if she's wanting something, getting tired or a bit hungry, if she can't find a toy she wants etc etc...of all the parenting challenges so far this one gets me the most.

She'll go on and on, droning away in a whingey,screechy, moaney blur of noise. Somehow it taps into a little part of my brain which just makes me want to scream!

I've tried helping her, encouraging her to find things herself, talking to her about how I'd rather she told me in a normal voice if she wants something - but to no avail.

I lost it with her in the car yesterday - I was navigating around lots of parked cars and some idiot removal van that had parked on a blind bend on a busy road and she was whinging and whining about wanting a new book that was on the floor.

She'd been whining about one tiny thing or another all morning, on and on. I'd told her calmly several times that I couldn't pick it up whilst I was driving. As I had to reverse back for the fifth time and stalled I found myself screeching at her to just shut up.

Feeling like such a crap mother. I shouldn't be shouting at a toddler and I swore as well .

My girls are absolutely lovely most of the time and I do love them to bits. They recently started pre-school which I guess was a bit of a scary thing for them but this was an issue before then. I think they get a fair amount of attention and time spent helping them do things etc.

Any suggestions or advice gratefully recieved..

You poor thing. I have 3 - 5, 2.8 and 6 mo. Middle one definitely going through the same thing and I behave exactly as you do. Calm as long as poss and then tell her to shut up. Not proud of this but on the other hand they do need to learn that other people have feelings. As long as you kiss and cuddle a lot and tell them that you love them even when you get cross and that you are sorry for getting cross. DD1 was the same and rarely can be the same again. But she is a lot better now. Time will make things better. 2 year olds are hard!!

Oh hatty my DS is the same age (and I don't have twins!) and I so know that feeling where you just want the whingeing to STOOOOPP!

What amazes me is that DS does know that it won't work, he knows he will only get what he wants if he asks nicely, yet he still does it all the time and has to be reminded. We just plough on and on and try to be consistent - never, ever reward for whingeing and whining, always insist he stops and asks properly, try to ignore the whingey request and change the subject. I'm just hoping it will eventually get through to him.

However I have on occasion done that thing where I have just lost it it and shouted "JUST STOP WHINGEING STOP IT STOP IT!" Because it wears you down and there are moments where you're under stress anyway as you describe, ad you just can't take it. It made me feel awful too but if it's only rarely I think it's understandable. If I have snapped at DS I say sorry and tell him I will try to talk in a proper voice too! But OTOH, I think it's not all that bad for them to see on occasion that you are not an all-serene higher being and you can lose your temper.

DS looked - for while - like he was going to be a whinger.

I just pretended I couldn't hear it/him. And I told him that I couldn't hear and resolutely refused to understand anything said in a whingey voice. It was quite hard line, but like you it was driving me nuts. And it worked for us.

Thanks all, you're making me feel a lot better.

It's reassuring to know that the "normal voice please" routine may eventually get through - at the moment she seems to think its a game...

Don't feel too bad about it. I think we all do the same from time to time and even think in very small doses a good shout is what is needed.

I have had days with both my boys when they have whined on and on all day. Sometimes, I have spent the entire day being all sweetness and light, chivving them along, trying to placate them and being totally reasonable but in the end there is a limited to what I can take and I end up shouting too.

Funnily enough, it is often an unpleasant 5 minutes of shouting and upset which stops the whining in its tracks. The shouting is unexpected and unusual and it is what is needed to make them realise that they have gone too far and Mothers are human too.

They do grow out of it as they realise that it doesn't work and also as they grow more competent and they don't need you to do everything for them.

If you can you just have to ignore it, give in to the small stuff, explain briefly why you can't give in to the rest and then leave them to it. Ignoring it is the only way, even if it does mean you have to shut yourself away for five minutes to take a deep breath. Make sure that nobody else gives in to them too.

Distraction sometimes helps too although in a way that is rewarding the whining by giving them attention, even if it isn't the sort of attention they want but it is useful when you are out and you need them to be good.

Oh poor you. I have that small part of my brain being tapped into too!! I have recently started a star chart which seems to be helping. If nothing else it gives me a bit of control

Thank you! Have got star chart going for potty training but that's a good idea for rewarding not whingeing too

Niecie" thank you - you're right we are human too! Glad to hear she will grow out of it hopefully...