17 month old - lack of social skills? Developmental concern or just slow learner?

[CinnamonHamster]

FTM having a bit of a panic!

My 17 month old DS is incredibly active and hit all physical milestones early - he has low sleeps needs and pretty much is constantly in motion. He adores cars (wheels) and things that spin (or balls and circular / spherical things) and spends the day playing with these on the floor.

He likes being outdoors with his cars but hates going out in the buggy especially if we're inside (e.g. shops) and there are no vehicles to look at. But we can't let him walk, as he immediately goes on all fours to look for wheels? Shopping trolleys, zimmer frames, store displays and the buggy itself. We took him to Iceland last weekend and he started SCREAMING as soon as we entered the shop (fine outside) he was purple, tears streaming, slamming himself back and forth so hard in the buggy he has actually cracked the frame. Let him out to walk and he spent the whole shop with DP sat at one display spinning wheels and then lost it again when we had to leave. Same response in the trolley or on 'baby reins'.

He seems to be behind in social development. We do tons with him (songs, reading, sharing tv shows, pointing things out, talking through daily activities) and he regularly spends time with other adults and children including video calling my family regularly (we're hundreds of miles away). But, he has no interest in communicating.

No speech (limited babbling), limited eye contact, rarely responds to name, no waving, no pointing, no gestures aside from clapping, no interest in other children (or adults beyond me), plays independently and hits (!) or shouts other children if they try to come near him when he is playing. He doesn't show us things out of interest or care if we watch him - if he needs something he'll come and get your hand and take you to it and just wait. If you wait back to give him.an opportunity to point or speak he'll just give up and walk away - repeating this causes him to get frustrated. He understands maybe four simple statements (water, no, snack, go sleep) and these aren't consistent.

He doesn't respond to emotions and doesn't look to us for how to respond to things e.g. I was pretending to be sad when we were playing and he took a car from me and he just stared at me. I tried it a few days later in a similar scenario and he just found it funny for a few seconds then left the room. He has also never shown interest in pretend play (dolls, animals, pretending to use his toy kitchen) or 'lovies' in general. He has no interest in soft toys or dolls or figures and has never had a favourite toy / blanket / teddy just loves cars and spinners.

He also gets frustrated super easily, particularly if you break his focus on something or try to do something for him (like putting a puzzle piece in before him). His tantrums are quite 0 to 100 with throwing and slamming and trying to hit himself.

Of course, HV says all developmentally normal. He is too young for any big interventions and to keep going as we are. His motor skills (both fine and motor) and puzzle solving skills are excellent and I agree, he was always ahead with these, but the social skills are just not improving and I'm not sure how best to support him.

He has had hearing tests done as he is under ENT for medical reasons and these are all fine. He has been referred to SALT by ENT due to my concerns and also the risk his medical issues may be impacting his speech (they shouldn't impact his communication as a whole though rather just his ability to form words).

Surely this is a significant delay, particularly with the response to other children and tantrums? If it was just speech I think I'd be less worried. TIA ❤️

Bump

I can hear your worries, and unfortunately, I would say they are valid. The biggest indicator for autism is a lack of communication intent. The more he tries to communicate with you or other people, the less chances of autism.

the other indicator is an inappropriate play.

i wouldn’t worry about the lack of understanding emotions, that’s still too early, but these things worry me a lot:

”No speech (limited babbling), limited eye contact, rarely responds to name, no waving, no pointing, no gestures aside from clapping, no interest in other children (or adults beyond me), plays independently and hits (!) or shouts other children if they try to come near him when he is playing. He doesn't show us things out of interest or care if we watch him - if he needs something he'll come and get your hand and take you to it and just wait. “

Start him with occupational therapist and speech therapist. Diagnoses doesn’t matter and might come too late. Maybe he turns our right, that’s always a possibility, and therapy will help him get there sooner.

I'm sorry that your HV is being utterly useless. I wonder if you have the same one that we had?

I would call her and ask her that you want her to look at him again using the 18 month social and emotional ages and stages and the 18 month Ages & Stages. You can fill both of them in before you see her. The second one has the scoring at the bottom of the sheet.

It's normal for them to score grey in a couple of areas. If it's more than that I would ask for a referral to a Paediatrician. If he has other medical needs, I would perhaps ask for genetic testing too.

Hey OP How is your baby now?

@CinnamonHamster

How is your baby now ?

@2019boymamma you might need to try an @ to get the OPs attention or maybe start your own thread?

Thank you I’ll try that now . Looking for an update hopefully as my baby is so similar

@CinnamonHamster how is your little one doing now ?

@2019boymamma hi! My son is 30 months now. He is still being 'kept an eye on' by HV and Speech and Language as he didn't say his first proper words until 20 months and still has a lisp / struggles with pronunciation even though he now has hundreds of words. He gets very upset as he still struggles to communicate his needs but is doing much better with it! He is not on the autism pathway, but our HV comes a little more frequently now and is ready to refer if needed.

His interest in spinning never left and he is still obsessed with cars but also now numbers, letters,dinosaurs and sea animals. At his 27 month assessment, he scored highly in all areas and is meeting all milestones, particularly problem-solving where he absolutely excels (almost scarily). He still has very little interest in socialising with others, has meltdowns that seem out of proportion, gets very frustrated when things don't work and dislikes crowded places (he does better with these now as we play games with pointing out letters / numbers / colours on signs, which he very much enjoys).

Since this post, he grew to appreciate cuddles and physical contact with us more, but not with others. He goes to a playgroup and does great with other children, though he doesn't play with them, he can still exist among them without being overstimulated and interacts occasionally. He prefers to do things independently and continues to be constantly moving, even in his sleep or with morning cartoons. He is still under the hospital for problems with his ears and throat.

Do let me know if you have any specific questions! Please do tag me as I forget to check back without the email reminder! x

Your update sounds positive and promising. There is a chance he has SPD sensory seeking, not autism (like my boy, who is very similar in age and behaviour ), I’m still unsure about your son, but good news is that he doesn’t have regressions, he passed the milestones” evaluation, he is verbal, he doesn’t have repetitive, rigid habits. SPD manifests often as a mild autism, but it is not.

@Injackane hi! I absolutely agree. He is most definitely a sensory seeker, but I agree his verbal skills came on well and he has not experienced any regressions. He prefers his routine but can cope when it is disrupted, too, which I have been told is positive! Thank you.