10m - what 's going through his head??

[PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife]

In the past two days, my normally quite happy ds has turned into limpet-boy - very unhappy if I leave the room. (Came back after a pee yesterday to find him sitting exactly where I left him, still with toys in hands, sobbing his heart out.) Past 2 nights he has also burst into tears when I leave him in bath with dh (they have always bathed together) - I guess this is just a tired-out end-of-day extension of the whole rest of it.

When we are in the same room (which is now very often), he is almost perpetually attached to my legs, whining for me to pick him up, clambering, grabbing (pinching!). Plus fingers in ears/nose/mouth if we are having a cuddle or bf.

I do hold him as much as I can but if for example I am trying to cook it can be dangerous, and frankly, I am having severe SOH failure with the constant fussing at me. I know it's just a phase but would cope better if I even faintly understood him.

Please, fill me in on what goes through their heads at this stage!

this is the stage when physically, he may be able to move away from you
in evolutionary terms, if you were in the jungle he could crawl off and get eaten by a tiger, while you are busy picking bananas or whatever

so his mind sends a very strong message STAY NEAR MUMMY. LEAVING MUMMY IS REALLY BAD

he also may not fully have developed object permanence, in other words when you disappear he may not totally realise that you will come back again

well yes he started coasting (cruising?) about a fortnight ago and takes me for 'walks' whenever he can...

but Franny, he's been quite happily leaving me for weeks now - crawling off into other rooms - has he just figured out implications of what he's doing, iykwim?

sorry meant to say FrannyandZooey got distracted. apologies for impertinent shortening.

sorry meant to say FrannyandZooey got distracted. apologies for impertinent shortening.

LOL 'impertinent' - I get called all sorts on here - Franny is FINE

I think from my observations it is not tied in with the actual age that a child learns to crawl
I have seen children of 10 months who can't crawl at all, show this fear of being apart
and children like your son who are crawling age 8 or 9 months and showing no fear

I think it is a distinct, emotional / intellectual development, that nature must have intended to tie in with the age that most children become mobile

do you ever play peek a boo games / hide and seek? these are said to help with separation anxiety if your child isn't scared by them
some people also introduce a comfort object at this stage
basically though it is hard work but will pass
have you tried cooking with him in a ring sling, on your hip? you can position him so he can't reach the hot stuff (probably some risk involved here but safer than juggling cooking one handed IMO)

huh, no, hadn't thought of the sling - we have a wrap, think I can remember the hip-carry with it - he'd love that I reckon.

we play peek-a-boo A LOT - he loves it! not hide-and-seek so much, though I do sometimes call to him to come find me (eg when I want to change his nappy!) (or at least, I USED TO....!)

how do you introduce a comfort object? (actually can't see this working, since even dh won't do under any circumstances!) He sucks his fingers, thought that was his comfort object!

if you're confident with the wrap, the back carry is the safest for cooking
it always made me nervous so I put ds on my hip and positioned my body between him and the cooker (obviously watch for splashes, grabbable knives etc)

I have no idea about the comfort object! My nipple was ds's comfort object! I have heard people suggest it though

I think the idea of peek a boo is that it teaches "although mummy goes away, she always comes back". In reality I think they get this in their own time, but trying to teach them at least feels like you are doing something

another thing you could try is having a routine for when you leave the room and when you come back. Always say the same words eg "bye bye for a minute, baby" and then "here I am again, baby" or something. This might help the pattern become more familiar

basically thought it is a very strong instinct and you may just have to roll with it for a while....

thanks, franny.

I've always said, "mama's going to... I'll be right back!" (when he was tiny he howled the instant I left) - might have become a bit slack since he got more 'grown up'. Will do that more.

lol at your nipple - I mean, not AT your nipple - funnily he has just gone back to feeding 3x a night, thought that was a growth thing, wonder if it is related!

haven't managed a back-carry in the wrap as he was too wriggly to learn it. might try again.

thanks for advice. cheque's in the mail

if only nipples were detachable I would have had an easier 3 years of it...

just about to do it all again with no 2 in July, so I have all this simultaneously behind me and ahead of me

huh believe it or not I am salready pestering dh to do it again! (poor darling says he's "still traumatised"! )