supporting a possibly dyspraxic 6yr old - what to do?

[MissChief]

seems likely dc is dyspraxic but getting EP assessmt with any luck on Fri when will know more. However, lots of evidence from school - poor balance in gym, v slow writing/getting ready, v poor attention-span, poor listening skills, spatial/visual issues in some maths work, also problems "reading" social situjation apparently and interacting with other kids. In spite of that though, he's
sorry, put in SN too, not sure where to post really, new to all this!
reading amazingly well and voraciously, speech also not a problem. His dyspraxia, if that's what it is, does not seem to be of the verbal kind.
I'm new to all this though (so pls be kind to me!). Don't know whether and how to tell him if it's confirmed, what to tell others, if at all. In some ways it's reassuring to have a poss diagnosis as have always found him "difficult" tbh and now feel bad about how difficult he must find life at times and how he needs my support. He is tricky though and often in his own world. I'd previously dismissed this as typical 6yr old behaviour but according to the school it's more extreme than that.
If you're still with me, any thoughts/tips?
TIA!

no real tips just take whatever help you are offered as soon as.

ds was identified as having similar sounding problems at almost 6 . 4 years on we are still dealing with new issues as they present themselves and trying to get to the crux of things. He's made lots of progress, with OT help, but still struggles as the gap between him and his peers does not seem to be closing yet. Sorry if that sounds pessimistic

If you tell others be prepared for them to deny it and offer well meant reassurances. My dmum still thinks he's a late developer and mil (who was herself a teacher) hasn't really taken it on board.

thanks for that, don't worry, it's dawning on me that we're in for the longhaul - sorry that is hard going for you though.
I'm already coming across prejudice from quite unexpected quarters - a good friend in the medical field said "oh yes, anohter way of saying he's clumsy, then!"
But what do you tell people? On playdates when he's being odd, at school changing for hometime when he takes 4x as long. The older he gets the more aware I am of how "different" he can be. How do you account for this to acquaintances, out of interest? I don't mean in the sense of justification, more in the sense of explaining.

In terms of talking to your DS, I really recommend this book.

My DS2 is 9 and was diagnosed at 6 - sounds very very similar to your son. Great reader and talker too (strangely I have a DS3 with Verbal Dyspraxia but no problems re motor skills!). It's good to hear that your school are on the ball, and the Ed Psych will confirm things one way or another, although she/he won't be able to give a formal diagnosis as it's a medical condition. I woudl imagine he might be offered some Occupational Therapy input, and they are great with both the fine and gross motor skills (although be prepared for spending lots and lots of time doing the exercises at home - easier said than done). DS2's school is in the process of applying to a fund that will give him a school laptop, and is teaching him touch-typing; he gets very frustrated that he can't get his ideas on paper easily, but is just about holding his own.

The social skills issues are trickier but I have been able to explain that he needs to think about whether the person he's talking to is really interested, or that he needs to think about whether they're sad, cross etc - he just can't "read" those signs (paediatrician has told us he has "Aspergic tendencies" - there is a big overlap with DYspraxia).

Good luck on Friday!

My stepson is dyspraxic as well. We found that that gymanstics, dancing and tennis have all helped him with his spatial awareness and socialability.

He also has had a writer to help him with his written work, and as he has gotten older we got him a dictaphone to tape all his lessons. This way he can concentrate on the lesson and not get frustrated at not being able to write and absorb all the information at the same time.

As for telling him, its a tricky one. How old is he? Unfortunately, in our case his mum told him from very young, and he and she quickly became very adept at using the dyspraxia for everything. Which has resulted in him trying less hard to achieve.

Hopefully the school/special needs co-ordinator will have some good advice.

Hope this helps.

thanks both and for book rec, hassled. So you told him then? Also is it appropriate for the child themselves (am I being a bit thick here?!)
He is doing some physical stuff, inc gym but not sure how much to push it (and lead to his potentail public humiliation) or how much to focus on non-interactive sport like swimming etc. Guess it's worth it for the social skiills though.

Drama is good for learning socail skills. DD3 16 is dyspraxic she joined a local Drama club when she was 11, we foubnd it really boosted her confidence and helped with her organisatinal skills as well as helping with her socail skills. She also loved swimming and Trampolining.

that's good. Yes, he's enjoyed trampolining in the past so might pick that up again. Maybe drama too when he's a bit older.

I can't emphasize enough how much the diagnosis and the "teling him" stuff helped DS2. He had been blaming himself for all his problems, thought he was stupid and had really been very unhappy. The diagnosis transformed him - he actally had a bit of paper that proved it was to do with jumbled messages from his brain and was not his fault.

Plus I always felt he had a right to know. It's his body/brain that's affected.

He still gets frustrated and he is clever enough to use it as an excuse (Classic was "I was late out of school because I was chatting and that takes a while because I'm dyspraxic" ), but is a much happier, more confident boy.

DD1 has problems very similar to dyspaxia, but they are through a different condition. I find taking her to a cranial oestopath/chiropractor helps greatly. Hope this helps and good luck.

yes, hassled, I agree he has a right to know, it's just that I'm still absorbing it all myself so don't what him to sink with the news but for us all to be able to handle him handling it, if that makes sense. maybe i should check out oestopath too, but how do they help, calming in some way?

I can't explain in medical/technical terms, but it helps with her spatial awareness, esp after a growing spurt. It helps with her clumsyness and her concentration and speech (her tongue is too tight).

I do understand about getting your head around it - some years on and I still can't really say I have. The injustice of it all still riles me - there are days I want to just shout "It's NOT FAIR" - but then reading some of the SN boards here has made me realise that I should be counting my blessings; I can't imagine dealing with some of the problems other MN parents deal with.

And I have had this sort of conversation with DS2, and pointed out that Dyspraxics are often very bright, creative people, which I think has sort of helped.

This book is also good - for you rather than DS.

My ds is almost 14 now and was also diagnosed about age 6.
He is also very verbally able, and above average at reading.
But.....he is very poor at dressing himself, organising his stuff, pouring a drink, using cutlery, and handwriting. We recently bought him a keyboard for school work as he will not be able to improve his handwriting to a high enough level.

I told him about his dyspraxia because I felt it was easier for him to know it isn't that he is stupid or slow, but that he has a recognised condition. We've pointed out the other people we know with "issues", such as dyslexia, poor eyesight, asthma, etc..
I told everyone he was in contact with more or less, because I wanted them to make allowances for him, like if he was at a party and couldn't open a drink, or was a messy eater at someone's house, and by now it seems that almost everyone I tell has a child/knows a child with either aspergers, adhd, dyslexia, or dyspraxia, and is happy to share their experiences.
You will learn to adapt his clothes,(velcro is a god-send), and he will improve and adapt. A supportive school is EVERYTHING, and will make life happy all round.

yes I think they do need ot know in soem shape or form that they are diffenrent and how it might affect them, otherwise they think they are stupid or lose self esteem by making unrealistic comparison. Also you can focus on the symptoms and how someone will help those specifically. I feel it is a 2 stage process - to strengthen him physically and work on coordination and to help him on a practical level with coping mechanisms (reminders, lists, pencil grip, writing slope, touch typing etc) some of which evolved naturally.

In ds' case it is compounded by hyperflexible joints so that gives him soemthing to tell sports teachers etc which is perhaps more meaningful than a condition as such. His peers are fine tbh, although I guess his friendships have been self selecting, and one has said he just accepts ds sometimes goes into his own world. They don't know per se but allow him to dip in and put of their games. hth

Hi Misschief, I'm in exactly the same position as you! Ds1 has dyspraxia and HMS, and he will be 6 in June. It's really hard to know how much to tell him and how. Where do I start?!

It was a lot easier explaining the HMS, he knows he is super bendy and was very proud of that fact! I don't know where to start with explaining dyspraxia. I've recently had to tell my dd that her brother is different, because she was starting to notice more.

My son had an IEP drawn up last autumn, it will probably be reviewed this term.

You aren't local to me are you, I have a vague memory that you lived fairly near here (berkshire)?