Nearly 6 year old dd (middle child) is driving me nuts - whining, not eating, moody, clingy.... is this normal?

[Eulalia]

dd is 6 next month and I find a lot of the time I am not enjoying her. It seems that she is never going to grow up. She is middle child between 2 brothers. ds1 has special needs (autism) and it is fairly mild so not like it is obvious to her that he is disabled. He can be horrible to her at times but now I find she can start fights with him. All normal I suppose but its not like he is a loving sibling. ds2 is 2.5 and she will play with him but he is learning to be rough with her, scribbles on her drawings etc. I do feel for her being stuck in the middle like this and I try to give her extra attention, buy her magazines which she loves but she just seems to want more!

First thing in the morning she starts to complain about things not being right, don't want cereal etc, same coming in after school. Moan moan, whine whine. Eating is terrible some days, picks at her food and says she is hungry 1/2 an hour later.

She wants to be a baby and will even squeeze into ds2's high chair and car seat, sucks on dolls dummies, dolls bottles etc... no use in telling her to be a clever big girl as she doesn't want to be!

I know she's not like this at school so its the home environment but not sure how to make it easier for her when I am torn between all 3 of them (I do 90% of the childcare)

I am finding it exhausting with her alone never mind the other children. Currently on my own as dh away for 2 weeks on business trip so finding it hard!

Star charts? Do they work for a child her age. any advcie appreciated and sorry about long post.

Hi Eulalia, I think a star chart is a good idea. Sounds like she is wanting to be small again and is maybe feeling a little left out, but you only have so much time in the day and she needs to be able to share you.

With regards to the food my DD went through a bit of it and if she picked at her sandwich I would cling film it and re-present it to her when she said she was hungry. Once it was all gone she could choose something to do with me on my own for 10 minutes or a nice pud for example.

I have recently got of off ebay 210 stickers with my sons and daughters names printed on them. My 7yo DD's have high school musical on them on Well done Molly and my 4 yo DS have Ben 10 and Good Boy Alfie on them.

They cost £1.99 for 210 and come in a matter of days, you choose the wording and the theme. Coud point you in the right direction if you think they would be better than stars etc.

Its hard doing it all on your own so try to make sure you look after yourself too.

I definatley think some kind of rewarding good behaviour system would work for all 3 of your DC's. Perhaps stop the magazines and really make her work for it.

Hope I dont sound too much like an ogre ?

Hi thanks very much. Those stickers sound great - I will have a look. The magazines are a bit of a waste of money - not much in them - some bits are too easy and other bits too hard as she still can't read properly yet so she's always asking me "what does this say?" which defeats the purpose of me trying to get on with things and keeping her occupied!

stores.ebay.co.uk/blonglevers30

Here is the lady that sells the stickers. Hope you have had a better day.

I just posted a message about needing help, my situation looks quite similar to yours. I'm having a lot of trouble with my 7 year old daughter who is the middle child. She also likes to pretend that she is a baby. My husband is almost never here in the evenings during the week. It's so hard doing it all myself! I use a sticker chart. I find that I'm terrible about following things through. What works for me is to have a reward chart, so whenever she does anything great I give her a sticker, like if she tidies her room without being asked, or is kind to her little sister.
When she gets 10 stickers she gets a prize - maybe something she was going to get anyway like a new swim suit. I still don't know how to deal with the bad behaviour. I think I need to ignore it more, and not get so angry.

Hi fluffy. My 7 yo DD has been having hormone surges every 28 days for the past year........

Is actually having tests done but aside from that ignoring unwanted behaviour and rewarding the good is all very well, but when the little darlings started on you the minute they got out of bed, chuck that rule out of the window.

I too turn into the shrieking fish wife and then spend the rest of the evening beatin myself up over being a crap parent.

I dont think we are alone and consistancy is not easy but if we try most of the time then hopefully some change should be seen.

I have stopped my DD from going to Brownies as we were on the way out of the door, she had back chatted me ALL day.

That hurt her (and me to hear her howling for the next 3 hours) but lesson learnt. At least I dont get back chat on Wednesdays !!

Being able to blurt it all out on here is a big help dont you think ?

Difficult age I think. Sometimes think I have a teen in my house. DS1 is 6 and also middle child.

Thanks, glad to know I am not alone. Done the shreiking thing plenty of times! I find just trying to anticipate problems, spending some time alone with her, making sure she has eated properly and got enough sleep all help. Not always easy to do but it mostly is down to me being organised and I am not always good at that particularly if I am tired. Will have a look at the stickers.