Unhappy baby, just don't know what to do

[claireybee]

DS is now 12 weeks old. He has been grumpy from birth, with several prolongued periods of crying a day.

We have seen a slight improvement over the past couple of weeks where he will now be put down for a few minutes and does now smile and play a bit but he is still generally unhappy.

He also still has several episodes of what seem like pure rage every day-we are currently on no 4 of the day. He can go from smiling, sleeping or even feeding to a full on screaming fit for seemingly no reason. He screams at full volume and flails around-I find it difficult to hold him sometimes and he has scratched my face, pulled a chunk of hair out and bruised my cheek during various episodes.

I've tried rocking him, winding him, singing to him, patting him, putting him in the sling or swing, even just leaving him to it but nothing seems to work-if I leave him he will just go on and on but sometimes I need to put him down for a few minutes and pick him up again and he calms down. There is no consistency to what will work, one time something will, the next it won't. I feel so useless during his screaming fits because nothing seems to work and I find myself wanting to shout at him to shut up.

DD also had screaming fits but she responded to being picked up/cuddled and hers was more like traditional colic-usually in the evening and outgrown by 12 weeks-I just can't see an end to it with ds and it happens 5 or 6 times a day.

Any tips or stories to help me see light at the end of the tunnel?

I am wondering if this is reflux, as my son had silent reflux for a few months, he was a horrible baby? he didn't start the actual vomiting until about 4-5 months old. I was then told it was reflux and given treatment and it helped.

I used to walk round the block with mine in the pram all the time, as he would never shut up!! I also used to sit and cry with him a lot.

He is now almost 8 months old and is a very happy baby.

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Ds had bad colic and cranial osteopathy really did help. Hope things improve

Mmm it' s tough one and I really sympathise. How long do these crying fits seem to last usually?

I would go and get him seen by your doctor and just ask about reflux. Although Drs are notoriously crap at diagnosing it.

It may just be that like me (and others here on mumsnet) that you have been blessed with a grumpy, high needs baby. Don't dispair, everyone keeps telling me that it will pass! One thing that helps me is picturing my child on their first birthday- when they can move around on their own and hopefully communicate a little more efficiently (rather than screaming in your ear all day!)

From your original post, there doesn't seem to be any set times that your ds will flare up and cry so it is hard to suggest any possible reasons for the screaming. If it is just on and off at any time during the day then it could still be colic as it doesn't have to be at the same time everyday. If it is then you should hopefully see an improvement very soon.

Remember that every baby is different and we've all had the urge to shout at our babies to shut up (or maybe that's just me! )

The truth is that your baby being miserable makes you miserable and it's a bloody horrible and isolating time. If he is OK in the pram or buggy then I reccommend getting out and about as much as possible, even if you are embarrassed when he does cry, it isn't as bad for me when I'm out doors. Even in our garden it doesn't seem to wind me up as much as staring at the same four walls all bloody day!

Good luck, everything will come right in the end. xx

Sounds just like my son who also has a miserable time with silent reflux. He started treatment at 8 weeks and although still has his moments is now a darned sight happier at 11 weeks.

I understand how heartbreaking and isolating the whole thing can make you feel. Big hugs!

My DS was bloody miserable for the first twelve weeks. He threw up, farted and screamed, seemingly non-stop. It was just hideous so you have my deepest sympathies.

I'm afraid I don't really have any practical suggestions. We doused DS in infacol for months and that seemed to make a difference. It did start to get better around 12 weeks. Now at 14 months, he is still a complete drama queen and has (sometimes quite long) periods of hysteria over the slightest thing. However, he is also often extremely chirpy and great fun. I think his personality is one of extremes unlike my very even tempered DD.

Hang on in there. It will get better, I promise. In the meantime, I would thoroughly recommend trying to arrange some time off for yourself. Twelve weeks of screaming is enough to send anyone loopy.

Thanks for all your replies.

GP says it isn't reflux as reflux would be triggered by feeding and so he would be worse after feeds not just at random times.

Thisisthelast- DD would always settle in buggy or car so I was relying on that for DS but he hates it-just gets worse and worse until I eventually take him out. Only thing that does work is the sling which is all well and good but sometimes I just want to put him down!

Meggle I know what you mean, DD was high needs compared to the other babies I knew but she is a far easier toddler than them! Am just finding it hard to believe that DS is even more high needs than she was-noone else's LO even came close!

I just keep telling myself that it is a sign of high intelligence

This sounds like my DD2. I took her to GP / HV and even tried cranial osteopathy (I asked for advice on CO here and had some excellent info).

However, all attempts were to no avail, it is just how she is. She's turned 2 recently and still has a terrible rage but now she's talking more each time she goes off on one we tell her to use her words and that helps to resolve it. I truly think that some babies just don't like being infants and want to grow up asap and spend their first years in a constant state of frustration and rage. This is certainly the case with DD2.

FWIW we have found her demonstrations of joy and affection to be just as forceful so it's fair to say that whilst her rages have been and still are truly awful to cope with, her happier times are exuberant, hugely fun-filled and a great laugh for all concerned.

I hope your LO is like this rather than anything else causing the problem.

claireybee, are you able to pinpoint a consistent trigger for the screaming fits? eg is your ds generally happy after a nap but then, say, an hour on, might start up? Or does it start when he wanted to be carried or have a feed and you could not get to him in time, before he escalated?

Or do you feel it is completely random?

I have had 2 high need babies and although they were hard work, I could generally know what their triggers were. Basically, I just snap to it if they needed anything, to the extent I could. Before they kicked off, because after that, quite difficult to calm them down, like you say, nothing works consistently.

agree with you pennies about your description.

claireybee, apart from high intelligence (giggle), I believe high need babies are generally more determined (hence the affront at not getting what they want), more sociable in personality (hence this cuddly carrying around business) and just super in general.

I love dd and ds' joy of life and drive to improve themselves, even whilst they can be a PITA. Sometimes, contentment is overrated. You want an ambitious baby, you do, because they make great adults.

It does get better, as you already know.

Could be boredom. I had similar with dd at this age. Not happy whatever. She started standing at 12wks with holding my hands or dh hands and by 16wks could go from sitting to standing using hands to help her up.
I say lots of toys out, especially musical and touch ones, books that are textured etc. If unsettled then try walking around the house telling him random information about where you got things from, what they are, about people on photos etc. What you are doing when you make a meal/cuppa etc. This might help.

Well I totally symathise, especially about the pushchair hating! dd is exactly the same- I keep telling myself the same that it is a sign of intellegence! I often think it's bordom and frustration. It must be awful to be so dependant and immobile. It's just a difficult time for some babies, they just don't enjoy it and unfortunately it's our job to make it a bit easier for them! It will get easier as they get more independant. I know this doesn't help much and I don't want to belittle what you are going through. I know how hard it is and so do lots of other people on mumsnet! xxxxxxx Lots of symathy and best wishes though!

Does your ds smile a lot or is he generally a bit moody? If he always seems a little moody then the chances are he's a grumpy bum, a bit like my ds who is only happy when being very stimulated or carried around so he can see everything. He still has meltdowns as you describe. I usually put it down to tiredness as he is a hellish napper. Could your ds just be overtired or overstimulated? Don't have much advice really, sorry!

definitely sounds like a baby with a high need for stimulation and a strong character. he knows what he wants! when he's crawling he will still be tiring but totally amazing to watch. bear with it. my dd was very loud/demanding too, and still is, but less so now that she's able to crawl about - she can't wait to do and see everything. i think it's down to just having a particular temperament. i must admit, when i stopped and thought about it a bit, i can see with me and dp for parents, it isn't hard to see where dd gets it from....