Toddler hitting newborn - what to do

[Lucyand2]

My 20 month old DD1 hasn't coped very well with the arrival of DD2 a month ago. She cried when DD2 first came home and her behaviour has got worse since. She has started throwing tantrums and screaming but worst of all she hits DD2 when she thinks I'm not looking.
I'm not sure how to deal with this, so far I've been ignoring her screaming which seems to have worked. I've had to put DD2 out of DD1's reach by putting her moses basket on the table. I know this kind of behaviour is to be expected but what can i do, if anything, to calm DD1 down?

She's feeling pushed out, a new baby has pissed her off and she's showing it. Are you letting her get involved with the new baby, telling her how grown up she is now she's a big sister, spending time with her when the new baby's sleeping?

Does she get involved/help with feeding - I gave my oldest a baby doll and bottle and she sat on the couch with me and we talked when I was BF the newbie??

you have to remember she is still a bay herself and cannot understand why she is no ,longer getting attention she used to

my friends dc were about same age gap and she tended to try and make older ds more grown up than he was as she had the baby to see to he became so frustrated as he still wanted his time with mummy

i know you will have your hands full but try to spend as much one on one time with dd1 and lots of praise

and remember she still needs mummy too she is at the stage my ds needed me the most so just get her to help doing things passing a nappy or help wash baby

and praise her on how big she is being and that mummy will read stiory with you when baby is settled do you want to help me

it must be hard to try and divide time equally as new borns are so demanding but even if baby is content in chair or moses basket have tiggly time then cuddle time then all cuddle together so she knows she has your attention also

try to ignore bad behaviour apart from hitting just remove her and say be nice no hitting

if you get frustrated when she is misbehaving she may see this as the way to get your attention

good luck my friends little girl is 4 mths now her ds 22 mths and he loves to help now and loves his ds but my friend always makes sure she does things just the two of them when daddy comes home

Initially DD1 loved to help out but now she refuses unless it's loading the washer!
I've tried reading and playing with DD1 whilst BF'ing DD2, she just gets angrier when I have to swop sides or burp DD2 and has even started headbutting us both during feeds. When DD2 is asleep we do jigsaws and read together as well as attempting to cuddle (she isn't very keen on cuddles but does like tickling) yet as soon as dd2 needs me again she gets angry straight away.
Usually she responds so well to praise - I'm really shocked at how much she's changed!
At the moment I think a lot of it is down to us being housebound as dd1 is very active. I can't lift things so we can't get out during the day like we used to. Also we live in the middle of nowhere without any transport. We're hoping to move and I'm getting physio but until then I don't really know how to cope

i guess the only thing you can do is keep removing her and reminding her if she can be nice she can sit with you even if feeding dd2 just put baby down and remove dd1 as its not nice behaviour

if she would understand time out i would say time out but dont htink my ds understood it this young removing him from me seemed to work

then make her say sorry to you and baby my ds new this by kissing me and then we would carry on as normal

i'm sorry your having tough time of it do you have garden she could play in where you can keep an eye on her?

maybe activity time structure her day so she doesnt get bored

but most of all be consistant she will understand its not acceptable it is attention seeking

if she makes a habit of headbutting get her doing activity at feed times so she is otherwise occupied

distaction may be the answer she is clearly wanting the attention not releasing enough energy good luck