Just don't know how to handle dd1.

[Sexonlegs]

Dd1 who is 5 in May, has always been a bit of a handful. Some would call her spirited!

However, the last few weeks have seen her turn in to an obnoxious, selfish, rude and dis-respectful nasty piece of work.

She calls us names, mostly "stupid", "poo head" etc. but talks about hating us etc.

We have tried star charts and the like, but this just isn't working.

I am at a loss as how to handle her.

This evening, she threw a plastic chair at her friend (our 10 year old neighbour who comes over most afternoons after school) and really hurt/upset her. I was so embarrassed.

So ladies, what do I do???

I am of the opinion that all children learn their behaviour from somewhere and although I explain to her when things are not appropriate or right I don't feel the need for her to be exposed to such things in a learning environment aged only 4

if I wanted her to hear/see that kind of thing i'd let her watch violent films all day on tv and sod paying nursery fees

sexonlegs apologies again, if nothing else you can at least see you are not alone in this and hopefully it IS just a phase your lo will grow out of !

Dizzy you do what you think is best for your child, everyone does, you haven't done anything that I wouldn't have done to be honest and I don't think you need to apologise or explain yourself. Your initial post said that you have tried to tackle your DD's behaviour but it hasn't been very effective. In your situation I too would therefore be looking to change the thing that has influenced her in the first place, and of course young kids get influenced by others, even adults get infludenced by others!

It is a shame that the boy's behaviour means that the nursery have to put him in timeout (that sounds like what it is rather than being put in soletary confinement!), but you only need to read mumsnet to see that lots of children, even 5y/o's get put in timeout, whether it be because the parent thinks it calms them down, or for the parents benefit so that they themselves have the time to calm down.

It is easy when on mumsnet to put things very bluntly like 'well done, think of that other little kid' but lets face it, look after your own first, and then others if needs be, the little boy has his own parents that should be sticking up for him, you don't need to do that for him.

thanks lollipop I really didn't mean to speark a debate or image of an angry mob chasing a 5yr old either - maybe not too clever with my words last thing at night, was only trying to reassure OP that maybe her dd hadn't turned into minisatan all on her own and to make sure there are no outside influences

have no doubt by time dd2 gets into preschool room I'll be posting about the angry mob with petition trying to remove her due to her behaviour

no two the same!

Oh SOL - this is a tricky one. I think you just have to be very consistent, and patient, and calm and saintly etc You know the kind of thing - loads of praise for good behaviour, ignoring of provoking behaviour, time out for really bad incidents like the chair throwing.

Is it since the new term she has been particularly bad? I certainly think that by this stage in reception they have cottoned onto the fact that this is permanent, and the novely has well and truly worn off! DD1 is resistant to going to school at the moment, and was a different child over half term. I guess they also pick up on all sorts of behaviours at school - remember there will be some there who have teenage siblings whose behaviour they may be mirroring, and it's a big, scary place at times.

You say that her two particular friends are also 'spirited' - can you try and foster a few other friendships with perhaps some quieter children for her through playdates etc (or has the bath incident put you off playdates?!).

Sorry, that's probably not much use is it. Will keep thinking!

Blimey, heated debate on here!

Thanks all for your comments.

Bramshott, I think you have hit the nail on the head re older siblings. B's friend (bath-gate!!) has an older brother, and I am sure this is an influence.

I have tried suggesting B has a bigger circle of friends, but she finds quieter children boring !

I am going to try and have to be patient and consistent. I am going to ignore the name calling as she will soon get bored. But yes, the chair-throwing and physical stuff is going to have to be dealt with. I have tried putting her in another room, like the naughty corner, but she just comes out! I just find it so hard/time consuming.

Hey ho, such is life.

Lollipop - your comment about the little boy's parents makes me feel sad. I mean, part of the problem may be that he has parents who simply do not give a shit. Or maybe they are doing their absolute best, but there are issues there beyond their control (eg, SN such as ASD or ADHD, maybe too young to be diagnosed yet). He is a pre-scholer remember. Hardly ASBO material!

Dizzy - I do realise how difficult it must be. I suppose if anything it's good preparation for school...

I hope the situation resolves for everyone.

Good luck with DD2!

Sexonlegs - sorry for the hijack!

Love your chat name - that book is v amusing.

Dd1 has been a lot better since I posted - perhaps she has been sneaking a peek at MN!