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3 year old saying that I smack him

4 replies

Mamasaurus22 · 10/09/2023 20:06

My child has just started school nursery and this week he told his class mates that mummy isn’t kind and mummy smacks him… this is absolutely untrue. I have never laid a finger on any of my children. We live in the uk and the law now states that smacking children is illegal so could do some serious harm. The headteacher phoned me and told me about what he had said and that due to the nature of the allegation it had to be escalated to child protection services and then onto the police. He is only 3, and I think he has gotten confused with “naughty feelings” as he calls them and when I try to talk to him about it he says “smacking, biting and shouting are naughty feelings”. I do shout sometimes but don’t we all as mothers!

My question is, is there a way of teaching him at the age of 3 that telling lies can cause problems or serious consequences. Are there any books or suggestions on how to handle this? I don’t want to feed words into his mouth as 3 year olds talk nonsense most of the time.

Any advice welcome, and please no hate, I'm already feeling victimised by this Sad

OP posts:
Fairydustxox · 10/09/2023 20:18

Oh no how awful for you. They have to investigate because if there was abuse and they brushed it off and something happened they'd get into trouble especially with recent cases.
One child near me had regular bruising and concerns were raised and nothing was done and she was sadly killed by her stepmum.
At 3 he should have an understanding that lying is unkind and explain by saying stuff like that will get you into trouble. Have you asked him what he means by it apart from the naughty feelings? He obviously has an understanding that biting smacking etc is naughty but if you ask him will he say to you that you do that?

imisscashmere · 10/09/2023 20:23

No advice but just wanted to say I feel for you. My 3 year old has just started telling barefaced lies (eg blaming his sister for drawing all over the desk when his hands are covered in ink) and it has really thrown me. I didn’t think he was capable!

Mamasaurus22 · 10/09/2023 20:27

Fairydustxox · 10/09/2023 20:18

Oh no how awful for you. They have to investigate because if there was abuse and they brushed it off and something happened they'd get into trouble especially with recent cases.
One child near me had regular bruising and concerns were raised and nothing was done and she was sadly killed by her stepmum.
At 3 he should have an understanding that lying is unkind and explain by saying stuff like that will get you into trouble. Have you asked him what he means by it apart from the naughty feelings? He obviously has an understanding that biting smacking etc is naughty but if you ask him will he say to you that you do that?

Another child smacked him in his school class so I wonder if he is comparing that experience to when I shouted at him? I.e this week - first week back at school and trying to get the children to cooperate leaving the house on time... I don't know. The whole situation has turned me into an anxious mess!

OP posts:
Fairydustxox · 10/09/2023 22:17

I really wouldn't worry. Signs of an abuse child go much further than a child saying that when we all know what things kids pick up, caregivers will look out for bruises, unexplained marks etc. I work with young children and safeguarding is a wide spectrum, getting police involved seems OTT tbh.
Maybe do a drawing together of things you do together when you love someone, sometimes you might shout but you'd never hit etc so he can understand that you love him but it's normal to shout sometimes if they're not listening. You'd never lie because that can get someone in trouble etc. I'm sure soon enough it will all blow over

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