Hi i am a little lost and trying to now get some help from the wider population of parents.
so my daughter is in year four now and she has or had these friends who are twins.
This issue all started in reception one of the twins became immediately attached to my daughter and the other twin was not very keen on my daughter because she felt left out when they were together. My daughter was 4 at the time so i spoke to her and explained what it meant to be friends with twins and she understood so she started playing with both even when the other twin just wanted to play with her alone.
Now there was an issue where a friend of said twin who was attached, became very upset and would try and take DD’s carpet space so DD lost it one day. When said friend said to her i want to sit next to the twin because i like her and DD said well i like her more.
And since then said child’s mum has been on a mission to isolate DD and me from any child that DD Becomes friends with or close to.
i know there was an issue because said twins mum mentioned it on a playdate once. Said child’s mum also attempted to paint DD as a trouble maker but did not succeed as new children started school and DD got to know some of them before said child’s mum got her claws into them. But said childs mum has formed a clique that shes the head of i avoid them.
Now the problem is that in year one DD started getting ignored by said Twin and wouldn't even speak to her. So DD moved on and made other friends. All of a sudden the twin wanted to play with them and soon, the new friend would join the twin in question and her group. But i spoke to DD by this time she was 5 1/2 and found it hard to understand but luckily the year ended and she was fine.
At the start of year two DD was having nightmares about starting school and would even wet the bed. But with support from friends and family we built up her confidence and she made friends with a really kind group of feiends and she was happy like very very happy.
As she started to settle in school and was ok again, found out from the head that they would mix up her year group for the start of year three. And they could pick 3 friends to come with them DD got her friend but ended up in the same class as the twins. Note to bear here is that DD and the non troublesome twin that had initially not been a fan of dear daughter had become close unbeknownst to me. So the mum who had been avoiding me and running away and crossing the road when she sees me approached me for a playdate DD really wanted the play date so i reluctantly obliged.
At said playdate the mum was asking me who DD’s friends were and who she was now close to and i stupidly told her.
come the start of year three and both twins are in my daughters circle of friends to the point that the friend she picked now hates her and is best friends with the twin who caused her all these issues before. I spoke to the mum and told her about it and she just gave me the typical gaslighting answer. So i encouraged DD to make new friends so she did but then she would tell me that the other twin was now being left out of everything and she felt bad for her soon as DD allowed her to join in her new group the non troublesome twin starts to isolate DD but luckily DD’s New friend seems to really like her but is still being influenced by the troublesome twin. But she is not ignoring DD the reason why i decided to write this is because DD started year 4 just a week ago. And her snd her friend are still ok and play together but said troublesome twin keeps coming over to get DD’s friend to join in her game. And i feel sorry for DD’s friend because she keeps asking DD if she is ok with it and DD obviously always says yea im ok. Because shes soo used to this happening and has found a way to cope by playing sports with the boys in her class.
On Friday DD took packed lunch to school and said to me that because she had packed lunch she could sit down first so she did and said Troublesome twin, came and sat opposite her and said to her can you move. I mean the absolute audacity of this kid its making me so angry. She pretends to be sweet when shes with her mum and smiles at me etc.
But threatens DD on the playground all the time with things like my dad is friends with the head teacher if you ignore me i will tell on you. And sometimes telling DD shes rude when issues have nothing to do with her. I know the Dad of the twins wants his daughters to be friends with white kids because he has made it soo obvious on so many ocassion its nauseating. My question is why wont this child leave my daughter alone??
and how should i support my DD this year because i have just about had enough. Im black and DD is mixed for context