Issues with 3yo, how would you handle?

[OneHandedTypist]

I know it's all 'normal' 3yo behaviour, just wondered if I'm missing something obv. in how to deal with these situations.

1. Bossy boots. Eg., constantly telling dh where to drive in a computer game, telling mum which way to walk around the house, fussing over where to sit for tea, etc. Has few moments of the day when not outraged and upset about what other people are doing or what he's unable to do.

1. Always changing mind about tea, food in general. Eg., Most mornings says he wants X for brekkie, has 2 bites, refuses any more, asks for something else. Can't send him to preschool with nothing, so I end up having to offer something else (within reason). Tea time usually has 2 bites, declares "I feel sick", eats no more, May end up in hysterics because he's so hungry, although he can have fruit but no pudding if tea unfinished.

1. Can't make up mind about outings. Eg., dh asks 'Do you want to come to shops?'. DS emphatically says no... but 12 minutes later DS announces "I go Daddy", but impossible as DH long gone. Cue extended crying fit from DS.

1. Pushing limits. Eg., crawling all over me thrusting his head on my lap, even though 2 wk old baby is there and ds has been repeatedly asked/warned not to bump heads with the baby. DS just keeps trying, though, may keep it up until he's threatened with being locked out of the room. Sometimes have to carry out the threat.

Aack, anyone found the perfect cure for such situations?

I would listen to him, as you have a newborn he might be feeling shut out

I would stop all the choices. Ie dh say 'right we're going out now' rather than 'do you want to come'

One offer of breakfast and if refused don't offer anything else. he'll soon learn.

Give ourself a break, you must be exhausted. let dh take them both out so you can have a couple of hours rest this afternoon.

time

Gets better somewhere between 3.5 and 4

School definitely helps. I think because they are given less options and made to understand their is a routine to stick to.

Try giving only 2 options to choose from and sometimes just telling rather than asking (ie: you must go to the shops, you say: " come on lets see who gets their shoes on first" rather than do you want to come? and then having to deal with change of heart.

I found that between 2,5 and 3,5 it's great to give choices and encourage initiative but honestly they really benefit from being told what to do rather than asked. They get overwhelmed by too many choices.

So you would send a child to 6 hours of preschool with no breakfast at all in their tummy? Really?

Today, DH offered 2 take newborn, too, but I didn't trust newborn not to go into some kind of meltdown with out me. Anyway, I'm at home w/ ill 8yo anyway, so let dh take just the slightly ill 6yo (who at least is getting some 1-to-1 attention).

I do think DS might have been so whingey if he'd gone out today that he would have driven DH mad -- dh coming home in a foul mood is one of the worst scenarios of all. At least I can handle DS grumpiness better than DH would. DS is ill today, which doesn't help, but it's a chronic problem him saying he wants to stay in and changing his mind 10 minutes later.

My experience of forcing children to 'go out' is usually that it ends in disaster. Screaming thru swim sessions, moaning or even crying constantly, striking out angrily at siblings on walks, refusing to walk or even get out of the car at the other end, etc. I don't know how other people make it work.

I am slavering at thought of DS going to school, slim22!!

yes I would if they kept messing about every morning over breakfast.
They get a snack and milk mid morning anyway at pre school

Same here. No messing about.It's the only way to learn what he really wants/need.

We have now settled for milk and ovaltine and a kiwi. Some days miracles happen and he'll eat a cereal bar or toast. He just learned to say when he's hungry and no thank you when he's not.

Agree def less choices.

At 3 they are too young to make so many descisions and to know they have so many choices. They can feel more secure if they know who is in charge and that it is not them, of causre they won't always like that.

Set boundries and stick to them, don't make empty threats, only threaten things that you will actually do.

He needs to know who is the boss, rmember it is meant to be you .

Sorry read a bit more of what you said, perhaps you need to stop thinking about it as forcing them, to do things. You need to decide what is happening, what is expected of them and make this clear. If at 3 he is getting his own way all the time to avoid tantrums sorry but it will only get worse.

It will get worse before it gets better, what do you do when there is no oprtion you have to go out and he has to go too, he won't understand why he doesn't get a choice that time. They chop and change so ofeten anyway, he is never going to stick to his choices anyway. take the pressure away from him and accept he won't always like being told what to do, but thats how it works.

Umm, as a rule of thumb, never give small children too many choices. It confuses them, and it infuriates you.

Everything you describe is very normal for a three year old. Just keep him in the loop, keep talking to him, and say 'Yes, I understand' .. a lot

On point 3, I would let Daddy take ds to the shops every time, even though he says no. It gives you ten minutes of peace (relative), and it gets him dressed and out the house, on a mission with his dad.

With toddlers, the minute you ask a question, they'll tell you the opposite of what you want to hear. They don't mean it, so pay no need. Keep the options to a minimum until at least the age of seven.

Did mean to say completly normal. They all do this