Need help/advice behaviour

[Amanda2023]

I have a 7 year old who is very challenging, she’s golden at school but at home she’s a nightmare. She has random outbursts/meltdowns where she’s screaming shouting throwing things, hitting. The naughty behaviour I can tolerate but it’s the meltdowns we struggle with. When she has one I ask her to go and calm down in her bedroom or a different room and I always get the same ‘don’t do this to me’ ‘leave me alone’ or ‘don’t start me’ when she’s asked to leave the room it’s more than likely she has done something dangerous or unkind.

educational psychologist has saw her at school and because she doesn’t display the behaviour at school no advice has been given. I have also spoke with the gp and again no advice.

Basically I would like to know if anyone else’s child has/does this if so how do you deal with the meltdowns/outbursts.

Thankyou

Is it possible that keeping it all together for school (and possibly other things like clubs, days out, etc.) has just used up everything she has to give, and the meltdowns are her just absolutely reaching her limit? If so, sometime when she's calm and you both have time, could you talk about what helps her feel more calm – jumping on a trampoline, swinging on a swing, cuddling a soft toy in a nest of blankets, having a tight hug, whatever? And then try to build in some time for that regularly, including immediately after school, essentially try to reduce her stress levels before it hits meltdown point? The next step would be talking to her about ways that you or she can recognise that she's getting close to meltdown and use one of her calming activities/places to try and calm things down.

Aside from the meltdowns, what is she like as a child? What's her personality like, what does she like to do, how are her friendships? I'm wondering if there might be some clues in some of that as to why she's reaching meltdown point so often.

Hi there,

I could have wrote this word for word about my daughter. We have not been to the doctor yet but its disheartening to see that if they don't present these behaviours in school it's ignored as I have read that most girls 'mask' in school. I am trying to be calm during meltdowns but its not always easy especially when the anger is aimed at you. I have not much advice but I'm just hear to say I understand how difficult it can be and how it can effect the whole house dynamics.