Struggling with partner post pregnancy

[Phoenix2022]

I am a new mum of a 10months baby, I bond well with my child. I've been with my partner for 2 years so let's say that things went pretty quick.
We have a good chemistry most of the time but he has his own schedule, goes to bed super late (between 1am and 3am) and therefore wakes up late. He was on paternity leave but instead of having time all 3 of us, he asked our parents to come take care of baby so that he could work in his own projects which is very important to him. So not much time together as a family. I started to work again, I start work early but as my partner goes to bed late, he can not wake up in the morning to take care of the baby so I end up working and having my child next to me. I feel I manage everything (cooking for us 3, laundry, cleaning). Thing is, everything I'll ask my partner to do, he will do but I still need to instruct things whilst I would expect him to know what to do (ex: what to give for food for baby, time to do the laundry etc.. ) although now in the evening, he cleans up the dishes without me asking (hooray!). I feel he is in his own world and that drives me mad as it makes me feel like I am not as worthy as his project (which he expects will maintain the family financials). So we argue a lot on snail stuff . We started to argue more post birth (although we argued a lot before I was pregnant but I not at all throughout pregnancy) - he says I become bitchy fighting him on small things and he probably is right to some extent. I believe it's out of frustration and I also feel quite lonely throughout the motherhood and wish he could spare some time to make me feel I am worthy or I wish sometimes, he could just acknowledge all the work, time and effort I put to educate our child. But I don't know if this is what you call post natal depression or if we are just different and it just doesn't work. Anyone going through this kind of things?

I think maybe sometimes there can be a bit of resentment towards dad's. This isn't always the case but generally after a baby it's the mums life that changes to fit around the new baby and usually dad's carry on as normal. Also carrying a baby, giving birth and being a mum is a big deal and brings about lots of changes physically and mentally, Hormones etc. I think what you're describing is normal. If you're struggling day to day and getting no enjoyment out of the things you used to, feeling hopeless etc then it could be post natal depression. But otherwise I think it's totally normal to go through these emotions. Nothing is perfect and nobody is perfect. Just don't be too hard on yourself.

I think I would tell him that him going to bed late and getting up late is affecting how you're feeling and you'd like him to start to come to bed earlier, for you and the baby. Tell him how lonely you're feeling.

I'd listen to his responses and see if he's willing to change. If he's not willing to take your feelings into consideration then you need to decide if you're willing to live like this for years or you'd rather be on your own with the baby.

Thanks for the advise and I hear you. I did tell him many times, and he makes an effort for some times then he starts again. So it's like a constant reminder that comes in cycle since baby was born. Also, it affects our couple life as he comes hours after I've gone to bed.

Thank you. I do believe that a lot of couples go through these types of chores challenges, what is hard is that you don't know how it is in the intimacy of others so I always wonder if in ours, those issues are very strong compared to others. But I prefer to believe it's pretty common

Before i had my little lady i went to sleep between 1 - 3am and got up at 10 (flexible working hours) but once i had a baby that changed because it HAD to. I don't get the luxury of staying up late anymore and then sleeping in. And neither does your partner, you have to make some life adjustments when you have a baby. I fully expected to and he should have too. He's leaving far too much to you and being totally unfair to ask that you work with the baby beside you in the morning. He could at least take 50% of the mornings if he has any understanding of fairness. Yes I'm sure there can be some resentment to dads etc but surely anyone would resent a partner who does not remotely engage with the fact that his child now exists!