Toddler hitting - help!

[LuckyFlash]

I have a wonderful 2.4 year old boy. He’s usually such a lovely, funny little boy but over the last few months he has started hitting me and DH and it’s getting worse and worse. It is happening every day, often multiple times a day.

any slight inconvenience results in him hitting me, pulling my hair out (in clumps!), ripping my glasses of my face and throwing them on the floor or kicking. It’s often very painful. It’s getting worse and I just don’t know what to do.

it’s triggered by the simplest things: turning the tv off, asking him to brush his teeth/put on shoes, trying to get him to go in the pram or car seat (or walk sometimes - he just wants to be carried).

When it happens DH and I consistently put him down somewhere safe, move away from him and say ‘I understand you’re upset about x. It’s ok to be upset/angry but it’s not ok to hit. I’ve moved away from you so you can’t hurt me’ then leave him to calm down. He usually calms quickly and apologises and cuddles. this works ok at home but really hard in public as it’s not safe to walk away. It only works in the moment and isn’t resolving the problem.

we have also tried:
-rewards for good behaviour and consequences for hitting (E.g if you brush your teeth nicely you can have a sticker and then withholding the sticker if he hits - cue meltdown)
-talking a lot about gentle hands and showing how we touch gently
-showing alternatives to hitting me like hitting the sofa (this hasn’t worked at all)

I’ve asked all my friends to advise and none of them have ever experienced hitting. I thought this was normal 2 year old behaviour as they don’t always have the language and emotional regulation to not lash out. But it appears I’m alone and I’m worried I have accidentally raised an aggressive child.

so far it’s only with me and DH but I’m so worried that it’s escalating and I can’t take it any more it hurts!

the only change in life recently has been him swapping nurseries for the summer as his is closed for a refurb but it started before that.

any ideas? Help?

No ideas I'm afraid but I'm in the same situation. I've done what you've done (sorry, that might not help!) and this week I've introduced the calm step (OK, it's a naughty step but we're not calling it that), we do a 2 minute time out.

... And I've bought a reward chart to list the following: teeth, sitting at the dinner table for (2/3/4 minutes depending how it goes the first time), listening, being kind, trying most of my food) - I'll let you know how it goes.

His sister recently started walking and he just moved up a room at nursery, I wonder if they're triggers?

Any triggers you might identify on your side?

Thanks for your reply. glad I’m not totally alone at least!

mine has swapped nurseries for the summer and although he seems to be enjoying it it is a big change so perhaps that has escalated it (although it started before then).

a reward chart sounds like a good idea. We do sticker rewards for teeth brushing (although not on a chart) and he likes that. Maybe I can try a gentle chart haha

I think you are using language which is too advanced for him.

If you have a look at this SLT progress checker they are only supposed to understand 3 word instructions so something like "No hitting Mummy" and a stern face is about his level right now.

Have you read this article from Dr Sears? There might be sine useful tips in there.