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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

9 month old and separation anxiety

14 replies

Srx1 · 10/08/2023 14:51

Hello, please can I get some advice 😩My nearly 9 month old is glued to me. If I try to put him down to do something he screams and wants me to take him. He has a lovely playing pen but he cries most of the time when I put him in. Of course, when it's on his terms, he loves playing in it. I try to talk to him to reassure him and he sees me from there but nothing. It is really putting me on edge as I struggle to do anything, prepare his food, have a snack, go to the toilet...
Not to mention he is also teething at the moment. I mean, ai know separation anxiety is normal at this stage but what can I do to cope and help not to make it worse? How long is this crazy clinginess going to last? It only started happening a couple of weeks ago.

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 21:02

The way to make sure it passes quickly is to just go with it. So if you go to the loo, take him with you. If you're in the kitchen, make sure he can see you. You can put him in his high chair or plonk him on the floor with something like a saucepan and a wooden spoon.

Is he having any pain relief for the teething?

Original poster

Srx1 · 10/08/2023 21:14

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto Yes, he is having pain relief and gel. And teething toys😬 If you have some good advice/hack on that too, feel free to share 🙃

Ok so is that not going to just make it worse in the long run - I wouldn't want him to have a serious SA problem later on, especially because we don't have family where we live so it is me and my husband mostly. I do try always be in his view or make sure he can hear my voice. He whinges when he's in his highchair unless he's eating. I will try amusing him with a saucepan 😅 How long does this super clingy phase last 😩

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SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 21:20

Mine weren't too happy being in the high chair without food although sometimes would play with a toy. You could try giving him something like a few fry cheerios or raisins to keep him quiet. Something small that takes a bit of time and concentration to pick up

skkyelark · 10/08/2023 22:12

Mine have also been known to have a 'starter' to keep them busy whilst I'm cooking. Peas and sweetcorn are also good for taking a wee while to eat, or suitable bits of fruit chopped fairly small.

Other days they play on the floor – we always have a few toys that live in the kitchen, so there's a small element of novelty.

Teething, what gel do you have? When teeth were really bothering them, we went for one with lidocaine to actually numb the pain. Anbesol is stronger than bonjela, but you have to get it from the pharmacist. The liquid is easier to apply than the gel (although we use gel for middle of the night applications as it's harder to spill...).

Original poster

Srx1 · 10/08/2023 22:21

Thanks both! I'm still a bit scared giving him something small like that 😑 but it is a good idea! Yes I will have to come up with some toys for the kitchen. He just crawls away and goes for the things he shouldn't of course 😅.

Hopefully he'll learn to love the playpen.

Teething - yes we have anbesol but gel only. I haven't tried the liquid! And when it's really bad we have calpol/nurofen. Do you know of any good tricks if the toys are not hitting the spot? I tried a wet cloth in the freezer.. things like that?

OP posts:

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 22:31

Srx1 · 10/08/2023 22:21

Hopefully he'll learn to love the playpen.

Sticks of cucumber, a frozen banana or a homemade ice lolly

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/08/2023 22:32

And , for you obviously, not DS

skkyelark · 11/08/2023 11:28

DD1's favourite teether was a frozen green bean.

For kitchen toys, duplo has had immense staying power for us – it's lived in the kitchen since I bought DD1 some when she was 14 months, and she's just turned four. DD2 has loved rummaging through and exploring the different pieces since she was 6 months old (advantages of being the second born!). Toy vehicles also work well, nice hard floor to roll them on. Some people have one cupboard baby is allowed to rummage in with tupperware, pots you don't use too often, perhaps their own plates and cups, etc. and find that helps keep them out of the other cupboards as well as entertaining them.

scrabbledabbl · 13/08/2023 22:20

@Srx1 I feel you. Mine was exactly like this at 9 months and still is at 13 months although he is a bit better and if he is engrossed in / enjoys the activity he doesn't care where I am but that's not very often and it usually involves something he shouldn't be doing! I think it just takes time. I've read a lot about it on here and they all grow out of it eventually at different points. So hang in there and try to get as many breaks as you can.

Original poster

Srx1 · 13/08/2023 23:38

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto 😄 oh yes, I would love that but I'm still breastfeeding!

@skkyelark oh great, thanks so much, those are all great ideas👏🤞🏻
That reminds me, I've been planning to make him a little treasure basket, with some safe household items to explore!

@scrabbledabbl oh yes exactly, they always go for something they shouldn't 😬 It is all good if they grow out of it but I am not sure how to behave until then - do I go along with it , is that going to make him clingy for good, is he just going to always cry when he want's something..or?

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scrabbledabbl · 14/08/2023 01:10

@Srx1 yes I don't know how to
Behave either I have tried ignoring him it seems to make it worse though! I have read that love bombing them sometimes works - like give them so much love and attention they get sick of it lol but I don't really have that in me cos I get quite annoyed when I can't even go to the toilet without him screaming following me in and trying to shove his hands into the toilet water while I'm on it! I think you just need to act however you can manage. Like if you can lovebomb than go for it if you find it stressful than try to have lots of breaks or ignore him / let him cry for a bit so you can get what you need to done. For me it seems to be a mix of both and it depends what mood I'm in that day!!

KDPC841922 · 15/08/2023 16:47

Our 9 month is the same with me.

I put her in the bumbo seat and entertain her with toys / food whilst I cook and faff about.

Take her to the toilet with me etc.

Keeps her happy and I can get bits done.

Original poster

Srx1 · 26/08/2023 00:24

It seems we just have to endure it 😅

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teaandkittehs · 26/08/2023 15:15

We tend to bring the walker into whatever room we are in if ours is behind like this and put her in it, or sometimes the pram (strapped in because wriggling) then break long as we interact with her and give her some toys or a spatula to play with, or bits of fruit to eat, she's fine. She's not that clingy at present though and only 8 months old so i realise this could all stop working at any time. . .

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