How can I parent this this

[Babygirlmum]

Firstly let me start with my daughters dad left me when I was pregnant however I am not going to deep into that as I will be here all day, however he come into her life when she was 5 months old due to me getting in contact with CM, he has since been inconsistent seeing her until his parents met DD, then all of a sudden he wanted to see more off DD and wanted more access and then bang, started to threaten me with court, this came after his parents meeting DD however initially his parents supported him in walking out of his daughters life before she was born and supported him not to have any involvement, I tried to forgive all the trauma they put me through while pregnant for DD however the trauma is still there, since threatening me with the court case I can not trust them however I have given them what they want and allowed DD to stay over night, I recently lost my dad and have needed the help a little, I wanted him to have DD for me while I attended my dads funeral however he was on a lads holiday so his parents minded her for me, a week 2 weeks later he had his mare in mind he lives with his parents and I found out he had DD in the room with his patents in which I was not very happy about as he is het dad not his parents, he brought her home and given me a load of abuse and basically they was all slagging me off while I'm really struggling as I have not long lost my dad, I have now just had some really bad news again and he had her for me however this time I basically had to ask him, as for usually when his parents are there he will always ask and want her to stay over but not this time as his parents was on holiday, he had her the night and on the phone to me he said I will have her for as long as you need, he literally messaged me in the night time and said I will bring her back tomorrow, led me add it's long distance so takes him just under two hours one way and the same back, he basically refused to have her another night and said she kept waking up through the night and basically that he's tired, how does he think I feel I'm grieving trying to get through each day with a 16 month old baby and another child, I can't just pass my child over when it suits me I am really struggling and he could not have her another night for me, I would never ever ask anyone to have my daughter not even him and of all times I do he basically refuses me and makes up excuses, am I in the wrong here at all, bare in mind he's still going through the courts.

He isn't having her for you. She is his child too. He is being a parent. Albeit a shit one.

what is the contact schedule at the moment? In the past month?

@ConnieTucker there is not one, he just asks me when he has his days off work can he see her and when he asks her to stay over I fully believe it's his mum looking after her.

How are these arrangements being made?

if he wants to take you to court. Switch to an email address to arrange contact and only use that. No phone calls.
start with suggesting a more regular schedule.

@ConnieTucker and then I have his mum messaging me and getting involved all the time it's quite frustrating, and the times I needed him he would not have het another night, I never usually ask although I needed the help and he refused having his own daughter another night and then his mum messaged me saying that when they come back off holiday they will mind her which means it's them not him? it's all strange I don't get it, it's hard to co parent with him most of the time.

You dont get a say on what happens in his contact time. It doesn't matter if it is his parents. In fact that is probably better for the child.

you need to sort out a more regular contact schedule. You could suggest every other weekend, and the opposite week two days and a night, yours for mother’s day weekend, his for fathers day weekend, alternative christmas and easter if you celebrate those.

keep a record of the dates he has her.

you get an email trail for court showing reasonable behaviour and court gets N indication of how much of a liar he is.