Hey, I posted this on another chat but I feel like it relates so just pasting here x
CherryBomb87 · Today 07:46
Hey,
No advice but maybe a little companionship. My dc is 3 in October, he's always been a little, er, unique and I see his behaviour as an escalation of his personality rather than just being badly behaved. He's always screamed and been angry if things weren't just right, he screamed at his bottle as a baby if he could see it but it wasn't ready (and the tommee tippee only takes 2 minutes but he would scream and scream like he was on fire) and if toys didn't work the way he wanted them to.
This weekend is particularly bad because we're away to see his 90 year old gran so there's a lot of change. He bites, pinches and hits and no @Cormoran you can't always see it coming (and I'm usually very good at reading emotions, with animals and people). This morning he woke up and asked for water, we're all in one room in a hotel for two nights, and I said it's just next to you darling, in the blue cup. So he screamed and threw it across the room. That was our first interaction today.
I don't think other people understand the tenacity of kids like this. I'm sure we're consistent but some battles I've fought and lost - I wanted him not to climb on the windowsill. Pretty basic stuff. Every time he went near it, on it, started to climb I'd say no, we don't climb on the windowsill. He'd ignore me so then I stayed saying no and I would physically remove him ideally before he got there. That didn't work (we did that 70 times in two hours) - we stayed indoors for that time to confront it head on rather than distract on this occasion. So we escalated to time ins. One minute time in (on my lap) each time. Then time outs. One minute on the stairs. Then after two weeks two minutes. It didn't work. So before people judge and say "you just have to be consistent" maybe ask yourself what would you do faced with the same situation. I made it safe and gave up.
I can't give up on biting and hitting though, that's obviously a red line. I'm form about a lot of things, we don't have sweets whenever we want them(, we do have one treat a day on average). We always stop before crossing a road. We don't run off. Etc. I don't think I'm too harsh or lenient but I question it all the time.
He can listen, I know he can - but chooses not to. I'm now sure of it.
I only share this to see if it sounds at all similar?
What works is I turn him facing away from me, I cross his hands over his body and hold him and his hands tight but calmly. If he tries to bite I pick him up so he's leaned back slightly and his teeth can't reach my arms. I say we don't pinch, we don't bite, we don't hit, we don't fight (it wasn't meant to rhyme, it just came out that way) and we need to be kind. Once he calmer, we hug or blow away clouds with a big breath five times or count to ten and back down. Every day we read books about feelings and anger.
I'm about to implement a reward chart and reintroduce time outs.
As a side note, I have absolutely lost my sh*t with him every now and again, when I'm at my absolute wits end and I can tell you that there is no level of shouting that has any positive impact, if anything it makes him worse for a solid week. I never shout intentionally, but I'm only human and I'm very tired.