6.5 year old boy awful behaviour at home!

[HHJ]

Hi everyone, first time posting on here and really hoping for some advice. My son is 6.5 months old and his behaviour at the moment is … let’s say hard to manage. He gets completely out of control, throwing things and yelling, behaving spitefully towards his younger sister and just generally being absolutely bat crap crazy. Myself and my husband try and stay as calm as we can throughout these episodes but inevitably one of us ends up yelling at him or putting him in a timeout when things escalate to the point of being dangerous. Then once I have yelled myself hoarse and removed several privileges it’s like he’s on this weird comedown, full of genuine remorse and will cry for ages saying when will he stop being like this… it’s as though he is not in control of himself during these episodes… this is going to sound completely insane but it’s almost as though he is possessed for short periods of time !! My parents aren’t great to go to for advice because they just say they didn’t have these issues with my brothers and I because there was the threat of physical punishment ‘You just wouldn’t dare because you knew what would happen!’. Even if smacking was something we wanted to do we couldn’t as it’s recently been made illegal here. Apparently he’s very good in school, and his teacher has come up with a term for when he’s got a lot of energy to expend, she calls it ‘getting your wiggles out’ so she will say to him, ‘Get your wiggles out at playtime so you can be calm when you come back in’. But the ‘wiggles’ she refers to are like him just being really energetic and occasionally shouting out answers. At home, he’s completely horrible! And when we have the down time after the episode to discuss behaviour he is so remorseful and says, ‘but I have to get my wiggles out!’ It’s school holidays currently and we are at our wits end. It doesn’t help that my husband has just been made redundant and we have all the stress of finances and him trying for a new job. Maybe our son is picking up on tension in the house I’m not sure. Anyway, has anyone ever experienced this before? These crazy episodes where the kids sort of come down from them after like, woah, did I really do that? We have started calling it ‘goblin-mode’ and it honestly feels like we lose him during these episodes. Hence my remark about it being like a demonic possession…! Any advice welcome. We are at our wits end to be honest.

I don't know if this is similar or will help but I have a 7 year old who has had bad outbursts and bad behaviour with a comedown like you've said, except in his 'comedown' he will act like a baby, he will talk like a baby and just act very babyish, it's really bizarre to watch. I spoke to a professional about it and she said it's because of all the adrenaline used up in the outbursts.

The only thing I've found to help it is to spend as much one on one time with him as possible ( which is really hard because alot of times I didn't want to, I know that sounds bad) and trying my best to be as emotionally available instead of getting angry at him. I have to remind myself most times he's a child and doesn't understand much. There's also a high chance he's ADHD too I've found things are easier when he's had opportunity to 'get the Wiggles out' like you've said. If we've been in the house for days he will be unbearable. He also has older brother with ASD so attention isn't always shared equally.

I don't know if any of this will help or if these things are possible to implement in your routine and life but it's been my experience! It's hard work!

Thank you so much for your response, really does help to discuss it with people going through similar things! That is bizarre about the baby thing, must be weird to watch, but each kid is different and will display different behaviours. Interesting about it being an adrenaline comedown, that makes total sense. I know exactly what you mean- I must admit he’s generally amazing 1:1 but the trouble is I feel like i’m rewarding bad behaviour if he’s awful and then I say right then you and I are going to the cinema or swimming etc 🤦‍♀️ My in-laws have kindly bought us a trampoline for the kids today and I’m hoping he will be able to release all his energy on there, it seems like it could be a good outlet for him whilst at home because he can run into the garden and get onto it and bounce his wiggles out safely! So fingers crossed. Did the doctor say your son would grow out of it, if it’s not ADD? So exhausting all the time with trying to work, keep the house and raise kids and it being a thankless task half the time, battling with these absolutely mental outbursts. My daughter is angelic by comparison and I’m definitely sensing some jealousy there, he absolutely goes for her sometimes it’s horrible! Good job she’s quite tough 🫣

I know I totally understand feeling like you're rewarding bad behaviour I feel like that all the time! I try to literally ignore the bad behaviour like it's not happening, and just praise the good (unless they're in danger obviously). Hopefully the trampoline will help I know professionals have recommended them to burn energy and regulate emotions.
It sounds like you've got your hands full but you're obviously doing the best you can they are lucky to have you!

Hi - it's been a while since my last message! We fortunately got to the crux of the issue not long after my last post. When we talked about why he was behaving so badly and why he wanted to be back at school rather than home., he said he preferred school because 'I know what time everything is happening and I have my set jobs to do' , basically meaning he NEEDS routine! So I asked him if he wanted me to draw up a daily 'schedule' the holiday e.g. 7:30AM Wake up, brush teeth, get dressed 8AM breakfast, 8.30AM do some maths / language workbooks, et etc and he said 'Yes!' and was super enthuasiastic about helping me write it. Anyway we did it, printed it off and stuck it on his wall and more or less followed it throughout the holidays and his behaviour improved so dramatically it was actually shocking. I don't know if this means he is somewhere on the spectrum hence the slight obsession with routine, but whatever - happy to do whatever it takes to make things work and to keep his behaviour from escalating. I would honestly recommend trialling this with any kids who seem to be good in school then go nuts at home - it could be just the right thing as it may be that they hate being out of routine. I get 6 weeks off over summer as a teacher whichis very fortunate, but it can be really intsense with the two kids and it has been in the past but I really feel we have found a solution that makes everyone happy now. I quite liked the schedule too as it kept me in a routine which I think I like - so maybe we know where he gets it from !!