To feel so anxious due to 3 year old DS

[Saucepot1985]

Hi all, apologies if long.

Really struggling with my son and constant worry I am not a good enough Mum to cater for his needs. I try my absolute best to ensure he is developing into a lovely little person but he can be an absolute handful. I am starting to isolate myself away from people because I get so anxious about how he will behave and the judgement I receive, so I don’t want to go anywhere with my friends and their children. The mere mention of a play date makes me feel sick. I have suffered with quite debilitating panic attacks since last September so sometimes a stressful time out can manifest into an attack.

My friend came over this morning with her 3 month old and he started off ok but turned into a nightmare and ended up accidentally kicking the baby hard in the head. I could see my friends eyes darting about a few times looking and getting fed up with the things he was doing. This is a regular occurrence with most things we do. Eventually he starts throwing things, screaming, shrieking and being handsy, wanting to do only what he wants etc. I am not someone who gentle parents all the time and discipline him with time out/removing toys/ going home etc if he misbehaves. So please don’t think I let him crack on because I don’t.

We are having some issues with his nursery, negativity from them due to his behaviours, generally making me and DH feel like shit on pick ups with their comments.

Unfortunately I had a nervous breakdown at the start of the year due to many factors but it was partly due to my sons nursery/ his behaviour and judgement from them. I haven’t done a drop off since February I am ashamed to say. I do pick ups but I can’t bare to take him in.

I write this sobbing because I feel so shit. I came so far with my mental health so I don’t want to go backwards but I feel my sons behaviour and external factors are pushing me towards becoming unwell again. I want to get a handle on it before it’s too late. I appreciate he is only 3 and obviously he is behaving like a 3 year old in some respects but I also cannot help thinking it’s all my fault.

Please be kind with any replies I don’t think I can handle anymore judgment.

Thank you for reading x

I'm so, so sorry that you're struggling so much @Saucepot1985. Are you getting some support for your MH?

And it's so unfortunate that you're not experiencing the Motherhood that you probably envisioned.

What have Nursery said to you? Do they have any plans in place for his behaviour? Have they suggested getting their SENCO in to have a look at him?

Yes I take an anti depressant and had some CBT. I was good for a long while but last few weeks have felt pretty crap. To be honest I don’t know what I envisioned and I am quite open minded but it gets you down in the end.

They listed a couple of things regarding his behaviour, erring down the Austism route, but obviously they can’t diagnose. When hubby went to pick him up last week he said there was a horrible atomosphere and they basically hinted the next day he would cause issues as people were visiting. Nothing as such in place solidly for him, they don’t have the staff! Asked me to sort a referral for support via my GP which I did. As far as I know SENCO has had nothing to do with him.

Thanks for replying I appreciate it 😃

I'm so sorry, it's really tough isn't it?

If Nursery are hinting at ASD, I would call the HV on a Monday and ask her to do the Ages & Stages Assessment.

If he's 3 it's this one and if he's nearer to 3 and a half it's this one.

It's pretty normal for them to be in the grey for one or two areas but if it's more than that I would push your HV for a referral for Assessment for ASD.

I'd also ask her for him to have a hearing test and if she knows of any local charities for support.

The Explosive Child might help you with his behaviour. A lot of the behaviour techniques that usually work on 3 year olds just don't work with ND children.

You might also find some support on the SN Children section of MN. They can talk you through how you are feeling, the assessment process and getting an ECHP

How are you this morning @Saucepot1985?

Aww your a kind person for asking. Thank you. I feel a lot better thank you after a good sleep. How are you?

Aww your a kind person for asking. Thank you. I feel a lot better thank you after a good sleep. How are you?

Well my two ND DC are teens and still in bed so I'm enjoying some quiet time!

Hope you manage to get those referrals sorted out

Hi @Saucepot1985 I don't really have anything in the way of advice I'm afraid but I could have written a lot of your post myself! I've a DS also aged 3 and going through the same with him. I've always had crap MH but it has got far worse with all the stress of his behaviour, complaints from childcare, trying to hold down a job, all whilst utterly exhausted. You're not alone 💐

I hope you're getting some support too @Saucepot1985

Feel free to message me if you need a chat x

Aww you’re so kind. Did you say your children are ND? I am ok thank you, taking helps tbh. I have also taken up power walking which helps immensely. I appreciate someone so lovely on this site xx