21 month old tantrums please help!

[ThereseC]

Hi, my daughter is 21 months old and is in a near-constant tantrum. But only with me. Perfect angel for everyone else. From the minute I pick her up from the cot in the morning she kicks and squirms when I'm changing her nappy, arches her back and screams when I try to put her on her feet and throughout the day makes it impossible to get her into her buggy, car-seat, high chair. I'm at my wits end. I work part-time and DD is with a nanny and from the moment I come home in the evening it all starts to unravel. This has been the case (more or less) since I went back to work when she was 1 year old. I've just read the Supernanny book but most of the advice is for 24+ months (when they start to understand time out/naughty step etc.) Anyone have any advice as to what I should do? (I'm a single parent, maybe that's part of the problem??)
Thanks. Therese

i have 20 month ds and know how you feel. This is the age when tantrums really kick in! I find my ds is worse when i am tired/short tempered because they pick up on your moods.

I find distraction is by far the best thing to help it not escalate. Like if im putting him in car seat for eg ill go oh look at that birdy up there in the tree, can you see it?

Same with the high chair but with his food or something in the room like the light!

My dh works away so i can almost know how you feel about doing it on your own and yes she will play up for you and know one else because that is how they know they will get your attention, albeit negative! I find being over the top happy and cheerful (almost pretending) helps because i then feel abit happier which makes him happier

also a tip with regard to nappy changing.. Some people will frown upon this but i dont care because sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get through the day when your on your own.

~Firstly is she in pull ups or nappy? I had to change to pampers pull ups when ds was 1 year because i just couldnt get nappys done. So i change him standing up in front of telly (if in front room) or give him a book to hold as it distracts him. Another way is bend him across my knee face down whilst he is reading etc. Then you just got to yank up the pants and not worry about it being done up properly etc

I find that me and my DS, 20 months, get on best when I give him absolutely 100% attention. Wherever possible when I'm with him I try to do absolutely nothing else. I also let him decide what he wants to do most of the time (within reason!) and communicate loads. E.g. with nappy changes I start telling him 5 minutes beforehand that I'm going to change his nappy rather than springing it on him.

They can definitely tell when you're in a rush to get them in the car seat etc, so try and be really calm and pretend you've got loads of time.

It seems like you're not getting much time to enjoy being with your DD? Is there anyone else that can help out? Some of our loveliest days are when grandma is staying as he gets lots of attention and it takes the pressure off me and I'm more relaxed.

Its really hard isn't it when they're such an angel for other people

Hi again, thank you both so much for the support and tips - I'll certainly give them a try. i had changed to pull-ups and then went back to nappies as hard to get them off when she's pooed...but will try again. Yes, giving her pletny of notice of any changes is something that was recommended in the Supernanny book plus giving undivided attention and I put both of those into practice this evening and they worked a treat. So thanks again. Keep in touch!
T