“It wasn’t me!” - how to handle 6yo lying to me

[Beetleback]

6yo DS will never admit responsibility for poor behaviour or mistakes.

If I try to talk to him about something he’s done wrong he won’t engage as he just denies he had anything to do with it (even when I know full well he’s lying).

I’m not coming down particularly hard on him.
I’ve tried telling him I’m not cross, we all make mistakes and that’s how we learn, but that he needs tell the truth.

His teacher spoke to me today about an incident that happened in school and I’ve tried to talk to him about it tonight (very reasonably, I just asked him what happened) and he’s denying all knowledge that it happened and that his teacher is making it up.

I’m at my wits end! Has anyone got any strategies for dealing with this?

@Beetleback is it just the lying and not taking responsibility that's the issue?

Are you able to talk to him about how it can be scary to admit you've made a mistake, but we'll all feel like that?

If you read to him, how about a book like The Truth According to Arthurr*?

When DD went through a lying phase - at a bit younger - DP and I did lots of comedy, slightly laboured modelling of truth telling and receiving the truth well.

So like:

‘DP, my sweets have gone, have you seen them?’

’Um’

’DP, you can tell me the truth, I won’t be cross’

’oh, ok, I did take your sweets. I really want to be honest with you’.

‘Thank you SO MUCH for telling me the TRUTH, DP!’

And so on 😂

It seemed to make a difference.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I will take a look at that.

It really is mostly about shielding himself from the discomfort of having to engage with something he has gone wrong - he just goes into denial mode.

I did actually have some success with him later on in the evening after I first posted this question - I’d previously promised him some TV time before bed but then I said he couldn’t have it until I’d heard the truth, and he did (rather reluctantly) then engage with the fact he’d “made a mistake” (though he couldn’t get as far as telling me any of the details). But we did manage to talk a bit about what he had done wrong and how we could make sure it didn’t happen again, and how pleased I was he’d been honest.

it’s still quite frustrating because it feels like I’m having to give him the kid gloves treatment about stuff which really deserves a sterner approach, but if I react more then the barriers come up and he denies everything.