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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Helping my 2 year old cope with the arrival of his brother

10 replies

sannie · 25/02/2008 19:27

I have two sons - a 22 month old and a 7 week old. Since the baby has been born, my first sons behaviour has changed a little. He likes to slam doors, draws and pretty much anthing that will open. This is causing a problem in the kindergarten he goes to. He has also started eating books again - something we managed to stop a few months ago. He also has stopped interacting with the people in the kindergarten and wont go to them when they ask him too.

We spoke to the dr and she is sure all of these issues are tied in to the birth of his brother - he is trying to cope with this and also the usual terrible two stuff at the same time. The dr has said we need to give him much more time - especially individual time with me which has been lacking since the baby has been born. She said it's just a phase and we need to stick with it and, at some point,he will understand that his mom and dad love him just as much.

Would appreciate any advice on what else we can do to make this easier for him. Has anyone else experienced similar behaviour in their family?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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sdr · 25/02/2008 19:58

Does he like to help look after the baby? Make him feel an important part of the family that you can't do without. Also, we always let the older ones touch and hold the baby. Baby's are quite tough. But let family know - had an issue with grandparents being nervous about this for some reason and little ones can't understand why they can't and everyone else can. Also tried to make sure I did the bedtime routine each night, so can your DH be home in time for this to look after the baby?

Original poster

sannie · 25/02/2008 20:35

thanks - yes i have started to do the bedtime routine. I ask him to pass nappies etc to me

OP posts:

loler · 25/02/2008 20:50

I found that I suddenly expected more maturity from my older children when the baby appeared without realising it. I remember dh shouting at dd who was 22 months when ds1 arrived, telling her to grow up! Sometimes the tiny little bundle makes it difficult for people to remember that a 2 year old is still a baby too.

Your ds1 will adapt to his brother soon and not remember what it was like pre-baby. Like the doctor said (and like everything else with children) its a phase and will pass.

Congratulations on the baby!

Dragonhart · 25/02/2008 21:00

My ds was 17.5mo when dd2 arrived and while he wasnt really jealous at first, I have found that he has got more so now he is a little older (2 1/2).

I always find that talking to him about how he feels helps. So when he starts tothrow a bit of a wobbler, saying 'I know that you feel cross and jealous but I have to do to this for the baby now, then we can do that' and make the 'that' something he loves.

I know it sounds simple but loads and loads and loads of hugs, I love yous and kisses when you see him start to get upset. I found that I had to do it unnaturally often and it really helped his confidence.

He was never really interested in helping me but when dd started to respond to him, I could get him to play together with him. Thinks like peek-a-boo which made her giggle.

Dragonhart · 25/02/2008 21:02

Sorry, ment to say lots of hugs and kisses before he starts to get upset.

PotPourri · 25/02/2008 21:11

DD1 was 17 months when DD2 came along and she was a bit jealous, mostly with the breastfeeding. I had done lots to help prepare her, and they exchanged gifts etc when born. I spent as much time as possible with her - if the baby was sleeping I would do art with her. And if the baby woke up and cried, I did not run to her immediately - unless it was a distressed cry.

I agree wiht last poster, loads and loads of hugs and kisses and 'you are my special special ....her name..." - an unnatural amount in fact.

It will pass. My two still bicker at times, but it is the most amazong feeling watching them kissing and cuddling and chatting to each other (they're 3 and 20 months now). Oh, and I also agree that instantly the older one is seen as grown up when actually they are just bigger than a baby - DD2 is 3 monhts older than DD1 was when she was born, and I certainly don't expect as much from her right now!

Original poster

sannie · 25/02/2008 21:29

thanks - really agree that ds1 seems grown-up when he is just a baby still....I'm stocking up on activities we can do indoorss alone while the baby is sleeping eg play doh, stamps....

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Original poster

sannie · 25/02/2008 21:29

thanks - really agree that ds1 seems grown-up when he is just a baby still....I'm stocking up on activities we can do indoorss alone while the baby is sleeping eg play doh, stamps....

OP posts:

myjobismum · 25/02/2008 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dragonhart · 25/02/2008 22:36

I got one of those cheap pop up tents with two tents and a tunnel. DS loves it and we can be quite physical, huggy and giggly which he loves. Or playing with a light ball, we have an inflatable one and I throw it to him, he finds it hilarious when he misses it. Just doing silly things.

I tried the 'sit down' stuff and he just wasnt interested, but I suppose that is just down to different children. A friend of mine just gave her dd a colouring book and new pens and it kept her happy for ages but ds does stuff like that for about 5 secs then gets bored.

He does love his cousins leappad thingy tho so when I have this one (3.5months preg with third), I will prob get him one of those. Guess you know what your ds really likes.

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