Feral children - help!

[DifferentRules]

I am literally at my wits end with my kids right now. DS age 7 and DD age 4. They do not listen to a single word I say, I’ve tried behaviour charts, taking away privileges, setting rules and following through on what happens if they break them, but nothing changes.

DH works all weekend so I have them by myself and I swear their sole aim is to make me lose my mind! I try taking them out to wear them out, but every outing one/both of them don’t listen, don’t come back to me when I call them and it ends in one/both of them throwing an epic tantrum. Staying at home is no better though. They’re in cohorts wrecking the house or they’re constantly bickering and being mean to each other. But of course I’m the horrible/unkind/silly one when I put a stop to whatever they’re doing.

I’m losing my mind with it, but when I reach out to friends/family all I get is ‘ah, you’re their safe space’ or ‘all the kids are so tired at the end of the school year, they’re all playing up’ and DH tells me I’m not firm enough so they don’t take me seriously. I don’t know what more to do as I’m certainly firm and I follow through with the threats I make such as not going to a particular place/event if they don’t behave, or putting a TV/tablet ban in place, so they know I mean what I say, but they literally laugh and say they don’t care. They are turning into the kind of children I swore they would never be and I honestly feel like a complete failure as a mother.

Any useful advice?

What happens if they don't come back to you when you're out? That's a pretty important rule to follow as it keeps them safe.

If they aren’t ready to leave, they give me the runaround until I put DD over my shoulder and threaten to leave DS behind. He’s called my bluff before and stood his ground, but luckily last time it was a day where the car was parked right next to the play area, so I put DD in her car seat, started the car and pulled a few metres down the road (he was in full sight at all times) and then he came running! When the car isn’t close by, he knows I won’t leave him so it’s literally either full on bribery or I have to wait it out.

I’m starting to avoid taking them out now, as it’s just too much to try and deal with when they play up, but I don’t want to have to spend all our free time at home, especially in the holidays….

Very difficult Iwould book the eldest into forest school or any sports clubs going in the holidays,he should come back tired.Take the younger one out to the park,swimming whatever is around.At least you will get some peace for a few hours.Do you have friends to meet up with children to take the pressure of?good luck.

I think you need to look at your punishments better. Threatening to leave DS behind or even to put a 4yr old over your shoulder isnt going to be manageable before long.

Look at what they value the most. If DD values your company then it's naughty step. If its a tv programme then they can't watch it, etc. If they make a mess then they clean it up, even if it takes them literally hours, do not help or give in. It's a battle of wills and you need to win. If they wind each other up then split them, even if only for a few minutes.

My mum always said you have to say what you mean and mean what you say. Then be consistent, and keep to the same format for weeks/months. Dont chop and change how you approach discipline. They will eventually learn the rules.

Oh...and don't forget the praise when they get something right. Even getting in the car seat at your first request deserves praise until that behaviour becomes the norm (or they reach 17yrs, whichever is soonest).

Keep at it. Most of us have been there at some point. My two fought like cat and dog for years, it was draining.